Yesterday's Feelings
by Lady of Castillo
Summary: When Dee's perception of those around him unexpectedly changes how will the detective cope. Can Ryo handle the new uncertainties of Dee when their roles are reversed... RyoDee. Completed July 10,2006
1. Chapter 1 What the?

**Author's Notes: **This idea has been beating at the back of brain forever and while trying to avoid studying for my criminology class I thought I would get in down so to speak. Enjoy Lady of Castillo

Ryo woke up with an abrupt start as the telephone started to ring shrilly interrupting his sleep

Ryo wondered who could be calling at this time of night. It better not be Dee, as he the night shift this evening after some sort of blackmail trade off with Ted. Ryo hoped Dee learned never to drink is the presence of the other detective again because it always got him into some sort of trouble.

But after being married with the dark hair man for a little over a year Ryo was used to Dee's mini escapades. Even though it took him over two years to admit to himself he was in love with Dee and another year to finally get the courage to ask Dee to marry him, he was finally content in his life. Ryo fondly remember the day he asked Dee to marry him, the dark haired detective was thrown for a loop because like everyone else he thought he would be the one to ask for the next step in their relationship. But for once Ryo wanted to take the initiative and did it ever pay off.

The phone rang again and Ryo thought he ought to answer the damn thing before the answering machine picked it up. Grudgingly Ryo rolled over and snatch the phone off of the receiver.

"Hello." Ryo mumbled with little enthusiasm

"May I please speak with Mr.Ryo McLean?" a clearly female voiced asked.

"Speaking."

"This is Dr. Linden from The NYU downtown hospital, I have been asked by Berkley Rose to contact you about the admittance of Dee McLean."

As soon as Ryo heard the word hopistal and Dee his felt like someone had thrown a rather large stone at his gut. His mind started to race through terrible possibilities of what could have happened to Dee. Was he seriously hurt, and what had happened to him? Ryo didn't know what he would do if anything serious had happened to Dee.

"Mr. McLean are you still there?"

That snapped Ryo to attention again.

"Yes, yes I am. Is Dee all right, do you know what happened? Do I need to come down right away?" Ryo replied in a frantic and rushed sentence.

"I can assure you your partner is fine, but he has suffered from a concussion. A mild one we believe but he has yet to wake up, which we are hoping will happen within the next hour or so. I am not sure of the events pertaining to the injury but I would appreciate if you could come down here as soon as possible," the Doctor slowly explained to a rattled Ryo.

"Alright I will be there as soon as I can. Thank you very much for calling Dr. Liden."

With that Ryo hung up the phone and rushed to the front door to grab his jacket and car keys. To Ryo's relief Bicky was spending the night at Lass' house so he wouldn't have to worry about waking Bicky about and informing him of the situation when he barely knew what the hell was going on.

Realizing he hadn't even left Bikky some sort of note telling him where he was going, Ryo rushed back into the kitchen and hastily scribbled a note saying something about being at NYU and Dee being in an accident at work. The note really wasn't that coherent but Ryo didn't really care, his main focus was making sure that his husband was in fact in one piece like the Doctor had promised him.

**qpqpqpqp**

On his way over to the hospital thoughts about Dee's accident consumed Ryo. How could this have happened to Dee Ryo wondered. He wasn't even supposed to leave his desk tonight except for the occasional cup of coffee. Dee was slated to be catching up on the paper work from their last major case involving the murders of young women working as carriers for a drug operation.

As far as Ryo knew the only major case that was in the works right now was Drake and JJ's case on a prostitution ring where young men and women were captured and sold to the highest bidder over seas. If they had no interested bidders within a few months the victims were killed for fear of punching a hole in the operation. But Ryo quickly remembered intelligence was still being gathered on this sketchy case and a bust wasn't scheduled for at least another week or two. This lead Ryo to wonder what the hell had happened to Dee.

'God I knew Dee was impulsive but what could he have gotten into sitting at his desk to end up in the hospital again?'

About nine months previously the handsome detective had been playing a very rough game of ball with Bicky and tried to end the game with some patended jump shot he had supposedly invented all on his own. As cool as the shot had looked midair Dee had ended up with a badly broken ankle from the oh so graceful landing. All Bicky could do was laugh his ass off all the way to the hospital angering Dee more causing further injury to the already mangled ankle. Dee ended up needing both surgery and a lengthy stay in the hospital. After that incident Ryo hoped to never see Dee in the hospital gain. But as fate would have it his rather lucky streak as of late had come to an abrupt end.

After all of this rather hectic thinking the trip to the hospital seemed amazingly short. All Ryo had to do was find a spot in the maze of a parking lot.

"God," Roy muttered to himself "You think out of this huge lot I could find one spot slightly closer to the door than the other end of the lot."

It seemed to Ryo whenever you need a good spot one was never around. Finally he spotted an elderly man who was leaving relatively close to the door. The only problem was his was taking forever and a day just to move.

'Heh I guess they were right in that 20/20 special that when your waiting for a spot the person leaving draws out leaving as much as he can possible can,' Ryo thought to himself crossly.

**qpqpqpqp**

After finally getting his spot Ryo rushed to the ER to find is partner had been moved to another floor for observation. Finally after waiting for the elevator for another eternity Ryo made it to the right floor and could see Berkley just down the hall with Drake and JJ. Just as Ryo had thought something went down with the traders case.

When Ryo reached the other men he began to fire off his first question rather angrily.

"I don't want any excuses just tell me what the hell happened to my husband this time?" Ryo asked.

"Ummm well you see," Drake began, whom JJ quickly interrupted.

"We got the guy you know," he said with a bit of anxiousness in his voice.

"That is not what is asked you Adams! For the last time what did you do to Dee!"

With the tone Ryo was using both detectives cowered into the wall hoping to avoid the wrath of a usually calmly tempered Ryo.

"Let me take it from here boys," Berkley interjected "Why don't you guys get some coffee or something while I explain what happened to Ryo."

With that the two partners took off in search of the rather foul tasting coffee dispensed in the hospital and thanking God over and over again for not letting Ryo chew them out for their stupidity.

Berkley motioned for Ryo to sit down and started to explain what had transpired in the late hours of the night.

"As you know we have been working on a prostitution trading ring but had insuffienct intelligence to perform a bust," Berkley started calmly. "But because of some startling information provided by our insider informant earlier this evening, we believe it was an optimal time to go in for the kill so to speak. We gathered all of the men on duty and on call and proceeded to stake out the location and set up for the bust. Everything went as planned except for your idiot partner who tried to tackle one of the suspects that evaded our initial blockade. He managed to tackle the suspect but banged his head on the concrete in the process landing him here."

"So this was just some stupid accident," Ryo asked cautiously.

"Yes, and I hope you remind your partner about controlling his rather impulsive behaviors when he wakes up with a massive headache," Berkley replied with some annoyance in his voice.

With a brief nod to Berkley Ryo went to the nurse's station to check on Dee's condition and fill out the piles of paper work associated with one visit.

"Hello Ms…" Ryo had to quickly look at the young nurse's name tag "Trina, I was wondering if you could tell me the condition my partner Dee McLean?"

"Of course sir, I will inform Dr. Linden you are here and she will be with your shortly. If you could go back to the waiting room and fill out some of these forms while you are waiting for the doctor I would appreciate it," the nurse replied kindly.

Ryo took the huge pile of paper work and began to fill out the tedious forms all the while worry about his banged up lover. Form after form asked tedious information Ryo was forced to spit out, what was his lover's birth date, allergies, and insurance information. It was all beginning to become too much for the blond man when Dee supposed doctor arrived.

"Mr. McLean," a rather petite woman asked.

"That would be me, Dr. Linden I presume," Ryo stated quite calmly in contrast to how he really felt. Until he could see Dee was all right with his own eyes he would continue to worry about his lover.

"Well I assume you have gotten the full story from Commissioner Rose about what happened so I will cut to the chase. Your partner received a blow to the head, which as I told you earlier we believe to be a mild concussion. We had to put in a few stitches at the site of impact, but those should be able to come out in a few weeks. He has not woken up yet. But I believe he should shortly. You can go sit with him, and talk to him. That might even help him regain consciousness faster"

"So he should be fine then?" Ryo asked as relief flooded his body and he finally felt a bit more at peace than he had been since receiving the initial phone call.

"I assure you, Dee will be fine. But I think seeing him would do more good than me telling you; these forms can wait for later. Please just push the nurse's button above the bed when Dee wakes up so I can check him over, alright?"

With a quick nod Ryo went off the finally see Dee and make sure once and for all his worrying had been for nothing.

Ryo located Dee's room and entered slowly. He saw his husband out cold on one of the uncomfortable hospital beds wearing the customary sky blue gown. Besides looking a tad pale Dee seemed fine. With a sigh of relief Ryo sat down in the chair next to the bed and grabbed Dee's limp hand.

"God Dee, you had me so friggen worried tonight," Ryo whispered quietly "Don't you ever try and do something dumb like that again. Leave the tackling to the younger cops with less gray hair"

Ryo laughed softly to himself with that remark. He didn't think Dee would get gray hair for a long time, but it was nice to pretend Dee wouldn't be so over enthusiastic in getting the "bad guy" the next time. With a slight smile Ryo squeezed Dee's hand hoping to get some sort of response. To his surprise Ryo felt a small squeeze back.

'_Thank God,'_ Ryo though_ 'Dee_ _is finally waking up.'_

"Come on baby," Ryo urged softly "Just open your eyes a little bit to show you are with me." With a few more soft calls and another hand squeeze Dee's brilliant but slightly glazed eyes opened slowly. Ryo gently pushed a few dark hairs off of Dee's face.

"Hey lover how are you feeling," Ryo enquired gently. Dee still looked awfully dazed and didn't reply so Ryo tried again.

"You got a nasty bump on the head chasing down a suspect earlier tonight, do you remember what happened," Ryo slowly asked while stroking Dee's cheek.

All at once it seemed if Dee came aware of his surroundings and looked slightly panicked.

"Dee," Ryo cautiously asked.

"Who the hell is Dee," the panicked man replied "Where am I? Better yet who the hell are you and why do you keep touching me!"

At that point all of the color drained from Ryo's faced and he quickly pushed the nurse's call button. What had happened to his lover?

TBC

**qpqpqpqp**

Shit am I evil or what? If you want to find out what happens to our poor detectives in the next chapter send in some reviews so I feel loved lol. Just kidding I do love reviews of any kind as long as they are not flames. Helpful criticism is good and makes me a better writer so I like it.

It would also be great if someone wanted to help me out a little and read over my work before posting it unlike this chapter, which probably has a mass of errors.

Cheers! Hope I can get the next chapter up soon. Lady of Castillo


	2. Chapter 2 Attack of the Peas

Thanks to everyone that reviewed! I really appreciate your feedback and all of the nice things you said Squeeze. Thanks to my buddy J-chan for reading this over and QueenA for offering to read it over even though I got too excited about posting to wait for her to get back to me about corrections.On with the next chapter! TALLY HO

Chapter 2- Attack of the Peas

After Dee's frantic claim of not knowing who Ryo was, the nurse had come in and ushered Ryo into the waiting room while she calmed down Dee, who was obviously panicked about his state. Ryo was once again back in the dreaded waiting room while Dr. Linden was looking Dee over to ascertain what exactly was going on with his partner.

Ryo could not believe that this was happening to them. He and Dee had finally gotten to a place in their lives where they were together and happy. It startled Ryo to no end how things could come apart so quickly from where they once were. Now all Ryo could do was wait until Dr. Linden came backing from talking to Dee.

**qpqpqpqp**

"Mr. McLean I know you are confused right now but could you answer a few question for me," Dr. Linden kindly asked the rather confused man. With a slight nod from Dee the doctor began her questions.

"Do you remember what month it is?"

"No, I have no clue what day it is, what year it is, nothing," Dee proclaimed with tad of frustration. Hadn't he already gone over this with the nurse, he couldn't remember anything at all!

"I know this is very frustrating Mr. McLean but I need to go through these questions with you to try and gauge how sever your memory loss is. Even asking these questions might spark a memory for you helping me diagnose the nature of you condition, alright?" With another nod from Dee she began again.

After asking Dee various common knowledge questions Dr. Linden packed up her clipboard and began talking again much to Dee's disappointment. All he wanted was to be left alone.

"Alright Dee I think I am going to schedule you for a MRI and a PET scan to see what kind of damage has been done. In some instances, depending on the damage done, we can prescribe drugs like Nimodipine to help you regain your memories faster. What I can tell you is that patients, usually with little damage, regain many of their memories but few about the actual accident and the hours prior to accident, all right? But we will talk more about what you'll remember and time frame possibilities after I see the scans" Dr. Linden explained to Dee gently.

This was just too much information for Dee and all he could do was nod dumbly. He was on the verge of a break down and had no clue what was going on. The doctor had barely told him anything about himself besides from his name. He didn't even know who that man was that was sitting with when he woke up. All he wanted was for someone to tell him what was going on and maybe keep him from falling to pieces.

Dr. Linden noticing her patient's obvious distress decided to ask Dee one more question before leaving, "Mr. McLean would you like me to send your husband in again? I think it would do you both good if he could see how you're doing."

'So that is who the man was before,' Dee thought 'Hold on a second married!'

"I'm married!" Dee exclaimed suddenly "And to a man, oh god."

"If you feel uncomfortable about seeing him I can ask him to come back tomorrow after your scans."

"No no it is okay he can come in. I just don't know what to think of it, of anything at all right now," Dee softly replied.

"Alright just don't push your self and I'll see you tomorrow okay? Goodnight Mr. McLean," Dr. Linden said with a friendly smile then exited room with a slight click to the door.

Dee didn't know how he felt right now. He was just so mixed up, he was married and to man. How much stranger could his life be?

'How am I suppose to act towards this guy? I mean I don't remember who he is, is he going to expect something from me that I can't even remember ," Dee frantically thought to himself

If anything the dark haired man in that stark hospital room was more lost than anything, feeling like he belonged somewhere. But to where or what that somewhere was he had to clue.

**qpqpqpqp**

When Dr. Linden came into the waiting room it surprised Ryo quite a bit as he was intently starting through the doorway into the white washed corridor.

'Thank God, it seems if she has been in there forever. Maybe someone call tell me something useful about Dee and then I might be able to see him.'

Ryo was about to get up when Dr. Linden tiredly sat down next to him. Taking this as not a good sign Ryo features soured just a bit.

"Dr. Linden can you please tell me what is going on the nurses just keep telling me to wait until you came back from talking with Dee?" Ryo said with concern clearly evident in his voice.

"I am sure from your first conversation with Dee you have figured out your partner doesn't remember who are you," Dr. Linden started

"Yes," muttered Ryo with a slight sigh.

"To be specific Dee is suffering from retrograde amnesia, which prevents him from remembering past episodic life events. Basically meaning he can't remember any of his life events from before the accident. This is extremely surprising to say the least, as complete retrograde amnesia is very rare. Do you have any questions so far?"

"What are the chances that Dee regains his memories?" Ryo asked with trepidation

Dr. Linden smiled reassuringly and put a gently hand on Ryo's shoulder. "At this point I am not sure of the damaged done, that is why I am ordering some tests for tomorrow. But the trauma Dee suffered wasn't too extensive from earlier examinations so I think he may gain back most of his memories. I can't make any promises right now and you will have to be patient but I think he will recover most of what he has lost."

Ryo took the brief pause in the women's speech to ask another question that had been bugging him during her long descriptions. "If and when he starts to remember what kind of memories will he get first?"

"Patients usually start to regain earlier memories first but everyone is different. The memories tend to be random and sometimes only in small bits so you might have to explain some things to him. But I do ask that you do not tell him about specific memories. Try and let him remember on his own. Give him a bit of information of who he is and who you are just so he isn't terribly confused," Dr. Linden finished.

"Do you think I could go and see please? He was so… I don't know confused before, I just can't leave him like that," Ryo practically begged.

"He has agreed to see you but I only want you in there for thirty minutes at the most. Try and ease some of his concerns, okay? If you don't have any more questions I will see you both tomorrow after the follow up tests," Dr. Linden gave Ryo's shoulder a squeeze of encouragement and was off to finish her shift for the night.

Ryo raked his fingers through his hair and he kept thinking what the hell he was going to do. 'How am I going to approach Dee? God this is just such a mess,' the sandy haired detective thought tiredly.

Firming his resolve Ryo got up in one fluid motion and approached Dee' door with some apprehension. Ryo felt like he had stood outside of the door for an eternity before he finally mounted the courage to raise his hand and knock tentatively on the door.

**qpqpqpqp**

Dee had been blankly starting out the darkened window when he heard a slight knock on the door. 'That must be my husband,' Dee thought nervously.

"Come in," Dee called towards the door.

The man that entered with a tight smile blew his breath away. Dee didn't really remember what the sandy haired man looked like from when he first saw him. However this man was gorgeous; he had a well-toned frame from what he could see from under the man's tight tee shirt, but the thing the gabbed Dee the most were his eyes. Soft chocolate eyes connected with his from the other side of the room and Dee felt just a little less lost.

Ryo didn't know where to start the conversation with his lover but a quick realization he thought he better introduce himself for the sake of Dee sanity.

"Hi," Ryo said softy

"Hi," the confused man mirrored back.

" I think Dr. Linden already told you but I am your husband Randy McLean," Ryo said as he walked towards the bed and took a seat in the wholly uncomfortable chair provided.

"We have the same last name," Dee timidly said.

"Mmmhhh," Ryo replied with a soft smile. "You changed you surname when we got married." That was one day that Ryo always recalled when things got tough. The joy he felt that day could carry him and them through the darkest days at the precinct.

"Oh, I… I'm sorry Randy I just."

Ryo interrupted him and grasped his hand and gave it a soft squeeze. "Shh, it's okay to feel a little disconnected Dee. I don't really know how the handle the situation either, I bet we are both feeling uncomfortable right now, but we'll get through this.

"Thank you Randy." Every time Dee said that name Randy it just didn't feel right, like he should be calling his partner something else more intimate.

Ryo noticed Dee starting to fidget with his free hand along the starchy covers. "Do I always call you Randy?" Dee asked suddenly. "It just doesn't seem right but I don't really know much," Dee trailed off.

"No you never do. Usually you call me Ryo, my Japanese name. Almost the first thing you asked me when we met was if I had some Japanese in me because my eyes were so dark," Ryo smiled fondly with that comment. "Feel free to call me which ever makes you more comfortable okay?"

"Sure," Dee replied feeling just a bit more reassured that maybe all hope wasn't lost for his memories.

With an encouraging smile Ryo said, "Do you have anything you want to ask me about. I know Dr. Linden didn't tell you much besides your name and that you knocked your head quite badly on the concrete. Although I'm not supposed to tell you specifics I bet you have a few questions. "

"Specifics like you just told me about us meeting you mean?"

"Heh I guess you right, but I won't tell if you don't okay,' the detective replied with a grin. With a slight grin back from Dee Ryo got his answer. After a long time it seemed Dee gathered enough courage to ask a question.

"Could I ask you some stuff about us, Ryo?" It warmed Ryo's heart to no end that Dee had decided to call him Ryo over Randy.

"Of course Dee anything you want. Anything I could clear up for you would make me feel a lot better and maybe make you feel more comfortable with me."

Not really knowing how to articulate what he wanted to say Dee just went in for the kill, "How long have we been together, where did we meet? I just can't believe I'm gay." That bothered Ryo a little bit, was Dee already having doubts about the nature of their relationship, this wasn't a good sign.

"Well we have been a real couple for about 2 year, one as a married couple. But we knew each other for about 2 years from work as partners. Where you actively pursued me from the moment we met. So roughly 4 in total" Ryo replied with a hint of dry humor in his tone.

Dee gave him a bit of blank look. "Partners at work? What do we do?"

With a bit of chuckle Ryo began to tell Dee that they were detectives at the 27th precinct in the homicide division. He also have a generally description of some of the guys at work but purposely said nothing about Rose. He really didn't need Dee remembering anything about Rose and going to punch his lights out.

"Well I think my thirty minutes have run out Dee, but if you want I can come back tomorrow before your tests if you would like."

Dee wasn't sure how to respond, he already very much-liked Ryo but he was suppose to be in love with this man and the situation was still weird. Ryo was still holding onto his hand, which wasn't a bad but at the same time a little intimidating. Dee finally decided it would be better to have the man there and feel a little awkward than to be all-alone and feel so lost like earlier.

Shyly Dee replied, "I would like that, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"That's right, probably early afternoon since we both need some sleep." Ryo answered.

"Goodnight Dee, I love you." Ryo said after giving Dee a soft peck on the forehead.

"I…"

Ryo gave Dee a soft look and said, "It's okay, don't push your self. Give it time."

Just before he went through the doorway Ryo turned around to Dee and said "Now all I have to do is tell Rose you've gone and lost your memory and we are going to need to take months of non-existent sick time. He is going to be so impressed. Be glad the hospital staff can protect you." With that said Ryo gave a small chuckle and exited the room. Leaving Dee to wonder who the hell Rose was.

**qpqpqpqp**

When Ryo arrived home around 6am all he wanted to do was go back to bed and never get up again. But there were things that still needed to be dealt with. Since it was a Saturday Bikky would be coming home around 11, which meant explaining the situation again. Ryo also had to call Rose and the rest of the guys at the office, and hopefully get some time off for Dee and himself. Ryo spoke with the night nurse at the desk before he left finding out that Dee's tests were scheduled for 3, meaning he should probably be back to the hospital around 1.

'That can all wait for later' Ryo tiredly thought as he crawled into his over size bed, setting the alarm for 11:30. Maybe if he was lucky Bikky would come in late this morning. After a few minutes Ryo was curled around Dee's pillow and out like a light.

**qpqpqpqp**

"RYO," Ryo woke with a start hearing his name. 'Damn Bikky must be home.'

Ryo called back through the bedroom door "In the bedroom Bikky."

Bikky burst into the bedroom with his usual enthusiasm and loudly asked, "Where the heck is the perv? I would have expected him to be all over you since he had to work last night and didn't get any."

"Bikky,' Ryo said with clear disapproval in his voice. "What have we talked about?"

"That Dee is a member of this family now and I should show him your personal matters more respect. Blah blah blah I got it already. So where is he anyways?"

Ryo's face became very tense with that comment. "Bikky that is something we really have to have a long talk about. Why don't you come sit down," Ryo said while patting the bed.

"Has he gone and done something stupid again? Did you finally kick him out?"

"No," Ryo replied with a bit of hesitancy. "Dee was involved in an accident last night at work. I went to the hospital to see him last night and didn't get home until early this morning."

"Is the bozo okay?" Bikky asked starting to sound concerned.

"He should recover physically but he suffered from head trauma, Bikky. He doesn't remember who he is or who we are. Complete retrograde amnesia the doctor explained to me," Ryo finished with a choked sob.

Bikky didn't have a clue what to say to Ryo. All he could do was latch on to Ryo around the neck and hold on tightly as his dad broken down. To Bikky it seemed like forever before Ryo finally pulled away and wiped the last of his tears off of his face.

"Bikky I need to go make some phone calls then go back to the hospital," Ryo softly said.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Bikky said hesitantly wondering if Dee could handle him being there. They had their moments but Bikky really did care for the man despite what he wanted others to think. Dee was the only one in the apartment that could play video games with him and talk about sports. He loved Ryo but when it came to basketball Ryo knew nothing.

"Do you think you can actually watch what you say and try not to fight with him as usual? He has no clue of how you two usually interact and I think it would upset him quite a bit for you to start in on the name calling," Ryo replied firmly.

"I guess I can try."

"You're going to have to do more than try Bikky. You have to treat Dee a little differently until he becomes more comfortable with us. And at this point I don't know when that is going to happen, okay?"

"Okay, I won't starting bothering the lunkhead until he gets home from the hospital," Bikky stated with a bit of mirth in his voice and took off to do god only knew what until it was time to leave.

**qpqpqpqp**

When Bikky and Ryo arrived at the hospital few hours later Ryo found Dee propped up and having lunch. Well more like picking at his lunch it seemed to Ryo. Ryo had asked Bicky to stay in the hall until he actually told Dee about Bikky since he assumed it would quiet a shock to all of a sudden find out you had a kid.

With a quick greeting to Dee, Ryo once again came in a sat down in the same chair as the night before. He noticed with some amusement Dee was poking the peas on his tray instead of eating them. It really wasn't that surprising to Ryo, as Dee absolutely hated peas.

"Having some problems with your lunch, I take it?"

"Yeah," Dee replied uncertainly. "I can't even remember what I like to eat, I tried the peas and quickly found they tasted like crap. Now I am afraid of eating anything."

With a hint of a smile Ryo looked up at Dee. "I could help you with that if you want. You become very vocal when you have to eat things you don't like."

"Really," Dee asked shyly

"Really, but first there is someone I want you to meet. He has been standing out in the hallway for a good 10 minutes and he thinks hospitals smell funny so I think we can stop torturing him, don't you think."

Dee looked down at this tray and started to poke his peas again. "I guess so."

To Ryo Dee looked like a bundle of nerves as he got up and slowly walked toward the door looking over his shoulder briefly. He had hoped Dee would be a bit more enthusiastic about meeting Bikky. 'I guess he is always going to be nervous meeting someone new until he gets some sort of his old confidence back.' It unnerved Ryo to see the usually bold and confident detective seem so needy and unsure of himself.

It surprised Dee to no ends when the man Ryo was suppose to bring in turn out to be a young boy, looking no older that 15 or 16. 'He has the weirdest coloring' Dee thought. 'Very dark skin but blond hair and blue eyes, now that is freaky.'

Ryo pulled the boy over to the side of Dee's bed and stated to introduce him. "Dee this Bicky, my adopted son." Just as Ryo had thought, when he said son Dee paled slightly and looked like he had been thrown into oncoming traffic.

"Hi," Bikky said cautiously with a small wave.

"We have a kid," Dee asked clearly shocked. 'Good god it was weird enough finding out I have a husband, but a kid too. How am I ever going to sort this entire thing out,' Dee thought with a bit of dismay.

"Yes we have a kid," Ryo relied kindly. "But it makes you feel any better, you have know him almost as long as me. I picked him up from one of our cases only a few hours after we met."

The silence is the room was long and drawn out, nobody knowing exactly what to say. Ryo broke the dry spell much to everyone's relief. " I bet you're really hungry how about I take a look at what you have and warn you of the stuff you really hate." Dee gave him a strained smile

"Okay lets see here, you defiantly aren't much of a broccoli man but the carrots are safe enough," Ryo started and went through the whole tray except for the peas.

At this time Bikky thought he venture out of the shadows and add his two cents into the mix. "You missed the peas Ryo, you know Dee just loves his peas."

"Bikky!" Ryo exclaimed. "What did we talk about before coming?"

"Don't worry about it Ryo. I'm sorry kid but you are too late for that trick. I already tried the peas and they tasted like crap," Dee said sounding a little more confident than before, all the while starting to warm up to his newly acquainted son.

Bikky looked straight at Dee and gave a nervous laugh. "Sorry dude but I had to give it a try once. I usually don't get one up on you like that."

When Dee was about to make a retort there was a knock on the door as it opened. The day nurse, Dee had seen earlier, came into the room with a bright smile on her face. "Dee it's time for you to go down for your tests. You will be receiving two scans, a MRI and a PET. And we will also be doing some blood work." She said with an overly cheery voice.

With that said she helped Dee into a wheelchair and told Ryo and Bikky that she would call them at home when Dee was done with his tests as they would take a few hours at the least.

As Dee was wheeled out the door Ryo called to him, "I'll see you later this evening Dee."

With a slight smile and a wave Dee was off for what would be a very long and boring afternoon. Ryo hoped this would shed some more insight into was what wrong with his partner and maybe give them all a little more hope of Dee's memories being returned to him.

TBC…

Lo I thought I would be nice and not leave a cliffhanger this time. Well not really I just wanted to put way too much into this chapter and thought I should save it for a little later. Anyways keep the reviews coming they make me feel all fuzzy inside lol.


	3. Chapter 3 The Beautiful Buttercup

Chapter 3- The beautiful Buttercup

Hope you like the next chapter! Just a quick note Nimodipine is a real drug used for patients with retrograde amnesia. It helps repair blood vessel trauma in the brain by using a calcium blocker method. Too much info I am sure but that what happens when a science students starts writing lol. I was actually going to invent some side effects for the drug but it seems it has all of the possible torturous effects I hoped for. I wonder which ones poor Dee is going to get. Ps. Sorry about spelling Bikky's name wrong in the last chapter I really need to fix that lol.

Thanks to J-chan for reading this over again (I think I got her addicted to fake mwahaha) and also to ColeridgeFan, Kitty in the box, and monkey-fairy for reviewing not only once but twice! ON WITH THE SHOW!

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Ryo was on his way back hospital to pick Dee up after it was confirmed he could go home today, following his second visit yesterday. Ryo had had another lengthy conversation with Dr. Linden about Dee's condition. As it were the dark haired man would be fine physically and Dr. Linden found a lot of the damage done was just bruising with some blood vessel damage.

She had prescribed Nimopipine for Dee to help repair some of the damage faster, giving him a better chance of regaining his memories. But the whole thing made Ryo uneasy, as there was a huge list of side effects associated with the drug. Light to severe headaches, nausea, low blood pressure, dizziness, the list just went on.

Knowing Dee's luck with medication he would probably be puking his guts out for the whole 2 weeks he had to be on it. When Dee was put on morphine last year for his ankle he ended up being constantly nauseous and vomiting to the point of severe dehydration. Eventually he had to be put on T3s that did little for the pain, which made the first few days after surgery hell for his husband. Even the T3s didn't sit well but the side effects were much milder than the morphine.

As Ryo approached Dee's room he knew this was going to be a very long two weeks. As he came into the room he found Dee munching on some bacon and flicking through the crappy hospital channels.

"Good morning Dee," Ryo greeted as he approached the bed. "How is breakfast this morning? Better than lunch yesterday I would take it?"

"Much," Dee replied with his mouth full. "So far I think I like everything except the mass produced chunk of hash browns. On the plus side it isn't nearly as gross as the peas."

Ryo smiled softly at his partner. "Well when your done breakfast you can get changed into the spare set of clothes I brought from home and we can get you checked out. I bet you have already had enough of this place."

"Yeah I guess so," Dee replied uncertainly. "It's going to be really weird, not knowing anything about my life, our life, and being back in our house… apartment? I don't even know where we live, good God!" By this point Dee was becoming slightly panicked.

Ryo had hoped it would make Dee feel a little better going back to a place that he was at least familiar with, unlike the hospital, but all it did was further scare Dee.

Slowly Ryo put his hand on his partner's rigid back and started rubbing soothing circles. "Calm down Dee, you'll be alright. Just take a few deep breaths for me." Following Ryo's instructions Dee tried to get some air into his tight lungs but he was just too overwrought.

Ryo continued the soothing motions but pulled Dee into a soft hug and whispered into his ear, "Like I told you before you just have it give it some time. Yes things are going to weird for a while, but we will settle into a new routine. We have done it before and we can do it again. But you're going to have to try and trust me, I can't help you if you don't trust me at all."

Dee didn't know why he was letting this man be so intimate with him when he barely knew him, but something about his touch was so familiar and comforting. He wanted to push away Ryo, to not feel so safe in this stranger's touch. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. All he could do was tuck his head just a little tighter under Ryo's chin and press his face into Ryo's neck, taking a few more deep breaths.

To Ryo this was incredibly encouraging. 'Maybe,' Ryo thought. 'Dee is starting to remember who I am, just a little. Although he let me touch him yesterday he seemed to tolerate it not lean into like right now.'

Ryo gave Dee one more tender squeeze then pulled away slowly. "Why don't you finish your breakfast and I will go take care of your release papers, get you changed then be on our way."

Dee started to finish his breakfast as Ryo left the room to take care of all of that sickening paper work. Even though Dee had no clue who he was or what he really liked, he was pretty sure paper work was low on his lists of likes already. Dee was just about to toss his hash browns in the garbage when Dr. Linden came into his room.

'Man I hope she doesn't scold me like the night nurse for trying to chuck the jell-o from last night's meal,' Dee thought sourly.

"Good morning Mr. McLean, how are you feeling today?"

"Better, no disrespect of course but I think I would be a lot happier to be out of here and away from those nosy nurses," Dee replied smiling slightly. There was defiantly a hint of the old sarcastic Dee in that comment.

Dr. Linden tried to hide her laugh behind a cough as to not seem too unprofessional. "Don't worry Mr. McLean many patients feel the same way you do. Especially about nurse Boswell, she can be a bit pushy at times."

Dr. Linden couldn't help but smile when she heard a few grumbles from her patient about being forced to eat the horrible hospital jell-o. Dr. Linden quickly checked over Dee again just to make sure he was still fit for release.

"We just need to go over a few things before you partner springs you. I saw him at the nurses' station filling out the last of your forms."

Dee gave Dr. Linden a strained smile with the mention of Ryo. Dee just didn't know how to act around the sandy haired man. One minute he felt like he belonged with Ryo but the next everything seemed to be strained and so uncertain. It wasn't that he felt like he was being pushed, but forgetting someone your married to causes some undeniable tension.

Dee was broken out of his retrieve when Dr. Linden started to speak again with softness in her voice he hadn't heard before. "You're lucky to have such a devoted partner Mr. McLean. I don't see many strong relationships around anymore."

"Yeah I guess you right," Dee said hesitantly. "And please call me Dee, is it starting to get confusing when Ryo and I are both addressed as Mr. McLean. I never have any clue who is being addressed.

"Of course Dee, and try not to worry so much," Dr. Linden firmly said. " I highly doubt he is going to throw anything on you that you're not for. Give him a chance to take care of you. Anyways enough of this, I have few important things to tell you about follow ups and your medication."

Dee was monetarily distracted as Ryo came back into the room looking a little perturbed. 'He was probably getting hell from nurse Boswell or something like,' Dee thought with a snicker.

"Ahhh Mr. McLean you're just in time to hear a few last minute instructions for Dee and when his follow up is going to be," Dr. Linden said. "As for a follow up I have scheduled an appointment with your regular physician Dr. Jefferson for next week to see how things are going and to possibly take out the stitches. We have gone over most of the medication dos and don'ts but I would like to remind you if you have any strong or adverse side effects you need to contact me and not Dr. Jefferson.

As Mr. McLean had indicated you seem to have some reactions to other medications with nausea associated as the side effects," Dr. Linden directed towards Dee.

Dee looked blankly at Dr. Linden. "I do?" he asked.

"You do," Ryo replied with a definite grimace on his face.

"None the less if you could watch him for signs of nausea I would appreciate it. Try and calm his stomach down with tea or a light soda like ginger ale," Dr. Linden directed towards Ryo.

Ryo didn't need to be told this twice as he had been through these instructions many times before. He had even purchased a soothing herbal tea for when Dee was on meds.

Dr. Linden continued, "If he starts vomiting and it happens more than 4 times a day over the course of more than 2 consecutive days I need you to call me. Just make sure he is drinking enough fluids to stay hydrated and there shouldn't be a problem"

"Of course," Ryo replied.

"Well if you gentlemen have no other questions I'll let you get out of here. Good luck and if you have any other questions or concerns don't hesitate to contact me."

With handshakes on both sides Dr. Linden was off to check on her other patients.

"Well why don't you go get changed Dee so we can finally get out of here," Ryo said while holding up a duffle bag. Ryo slowly helped Dee up and over to the small bathroom and tossed the younger man his favorite Knicks duffle bag. Ryo had hoped that maybe this would have sparked some sort of recognition from Dee when he saw the bag, but all he got was another blank look.

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The ride home was uneventful with Ryo making a quick stop and the local drug store to pick up Dee's prescription and some ginger ale just in case. But Ryo seriously prayed they were not going to need it at least for a few days.

Ryo pulled into the car garage and parked the new Honda in the compact spot. They finally invested in a new car last year when the old one was towed away after Dee forgot to put his parking pass in the window at the precinct. Unfortunately the poor car ended up being crush over some small mix up in the paper work. For some strange reason Dee still missed the piece of crap, it was beyond Ryo's understanding why.

"Apartment then," Dee said quietly.

"Yeah, I'm sorry I forgot to tell you before we left," Ryo replied

"S'okay," Dee said while fidgeting with the sleeves of his favorite hoodie Ryo had brought him wear for the trip back.

Ryo put a gentle hand of Dee's arm. "Well why don't we head up? We can have a bit of lunch since it is so close to noon and I don't think you ate a lot of the hospital food. Then I can give you a tour of the apartment."

Dee gave Ryo another one of his endearing shy smiles he seemed to develop after waking up. His Dee would never smile like that, he was always so confident in himself. Ryo liked seeing this more vulnerable side of his lover, maybe this turn of events wasn't as bad as he initially thought.

"Sounds good to me," Dee answered. "As long as I don't ever have to see green hospital jell-o again I'll be happy." Dee couldn't help but feel a small tingle rush through his veins when Ryo gave a small laugh and smiled at him warmly.

They hiked up to the third floor, as Dee was never exactly fond of elevators. Ryo wasn't really sure why, some fear plummeting to his death Dee would always tell him, which was completely irrational in his opinion. But at this point Ryo did not want Dee having a panic attack in a small space and not even understanding why.

Ryo unlocked the door with a slight click and let the dark haired detective in. Dee couldn't help but look around at everything he could see from the entranceway. The place seemed inviting and lived in, but he got nothing more than that. From where he was standing Dee could see the living room with a few pieces of furniture, a glass coffee table, and a rather large TV. The walls were a soft green with a few pictures and paintings on them. Dee briefly wondered if Ryo had picked the color, it just seemed like a color the sandy haired man would gravitate towards.

"Why don't you go sit down in the kitchen while I wake Bikky up?" Ryo said while steering Dee in the direction of their moderately sized kitchen. "I honestly think he could sleep the whole day away if I let him."

"How old is he?" Dee asked while trying to pick out which chair at the table belonged to him. But there was nothing the seemed overly familiar in the kitchen and he was just about to sit down in the one facing the doorway.

"15 (1), and it is the opposite chair sweetheart." With that Ryo was out the entry way and off to try and drag a soon to be disgruntled teenager out of bed. The endearment Ryo had used made Dee's cheeks stain a light crimson. Dee got up and went around the table to the proper chair and laid his burning cheek to the cool wood.

From the kitchen Dee could hear Ryo and Bikky getting in a small fight about what an appropriate time to get up was. Ryo seemed to think it was well before noon but Bikky disagree loudly thought it should be at least noon if not later in the day. The conversation was accompanied by a few bumps and bangs before slightly pissed Ryo and a half asleep Bikky entered the kitchen. Bikky had probably been pulled out of his bed Dee assumed and not going willing by the racket created just moments before.

"Dee," Bikky whined. "Please tell the dictator that it is way too early to be up and acting slightly civilized."

Dee had no clue how to respond to that. Did he and the kid always gang up on Ryo or was he complaining for the sake of complaining.

"Well it is already noon, maybe you should be up," Dee replied hesitantly.

"But you always sleep late," He tried again while flopping into his chair.

"BIKKY," Ryo yelled. Which in turn startled Dee quite a bit. "You know for a fact that Dee doesn't sleep that much later than me. Maybe half and hour tops on a slow morning. If I have to remind you about getting one up on Dee again you will be grounded for a month. And yes the included not seeing Cal, do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal," the boy shot in a rather sarcastic tone.

Ryo almost wanted to ground the boy for a week because of his attitude today. But he thought it best to tone things down for Dee who was looking a little shocked at the exchange. Ryo gave Bikky another stern look then asked, "What do you guys want for lunch today? I have left over chicken for chicken salad sandwiches or we can have potato and cheddar soup."

Ryo looked over at Dee first who gave him a slight shrug of the shoulders

"Bikky what do you feel like today?"

"Can I have half and sandwich and some soup? PPPllleeaaseee?" The boy dragged out the last syllable as long as he could and gave Ryo the best puppy dog eyes possible.

"Alright, just go have a shower and get dressed," Ryo said and he began to pull the chicken out of the fridge.

"Thanks Dad." Then Bikky was gone like a shot. It always made Ryo feel warm inside when Bikky called him dad.

"Do you need any help?" Dee asked timidly while getting up and walking over to stand beside Ryo.

"Sure might as well get you reacquainted with the kitchen while we have some peace and quiet. And maybe I can instill some decent cooking skills into you this time around."

"I am guessing I can't cook."

Ryo gave him a slight headshake. "Unfortunately you don't. I think maybe if you had a little more patience and didn't get discouraged you would be a lot better at it. We usually end up with take out if you try and cook alone."

"Sounds like I am a walking disaster," Dee responded bitterly.

"Not at all," Ryo countered. "It's just an interesting adventure every time you are in the kitchen. It's actually very endearing; just don't worry about it too much." Ryo grabbed Dee's hand tenderly and pulled him towards the wall where they kept their aprons. Ryo put his dark green one on and threw the yellow one with ducks on it to Dee.

"Hey why do I get the one with ducks on it and you get a plain green one," Dee said indigently, which just made Ryo start to laugh.

"Because I always wear the green one and that is what you get for offering to help," Ryo could barely contain the mirth in his voice. "Just be good and go chop the celery and onions for me okay."

Dee just raised his eyebrow at him and bustled off to do what he was told. Ryo was hoping for a bit more banter between them but it was a start. The two men finished laying out the table as Bikky came back from his shower. They enjoyed a peaceful lunch for once, which Ryo had to admit the silence was nice.

"Dad can I go out to the arcade with Cal this afternoon," Bikky asked rather politely. To Ryo the meant one of two things, Bikky was up to something or actually felt sorry for trying to con Dee again. He was hoping for the latter, but he was doubtful in all honesty.

"I guess so but be back for dinner at around 6, okay? And before you even ask yes Cal can come back here for dinner too."

Bikky gave Ryo a bright smile and quickly dump his dishes in the sink and was off as usual.

'I really need to get him to start doing more chores,' Ryo thought. 'And since he was hoping for Dee to teach him how to drive in a few months, I might be able to use that to my advantage.'

"Ryo, not to be rude but who is Cal? I keep hearing Bikky talking about her but he has not mentioned who exactly she is."

"She is Bikky's girlfriend. Actually she is over here a lot; she might as well be living with us for the amount of time she spends here. Anyways why don't we put the dishes in the washer and I'll give you a tour. Well more like showing which room is ours and where the bathroom is but it is home."

With a nod Dee got up and started collecting the plates from the table and Ryo started putting away the stuff left over from lunch. When they were done Ryo headed out into the main room. Dee started to follow the man but stopped when Ryo didn't go much further than the table in the entryway, which he assumed they kept their keys on. Ryo came back with a small paper bag.

"I can't believe I forgot about this until now. These are all of your personal effects they had to remove when you were brought in." Ryo passed him the bag and Dee couldn't help but look inside. First he pulled out a finely crafted silver cross on a matching chain.

"Am I religious?" He asked Ryo as he put it around his neck, tucking it under his hoodie.

"Ummm sort of, it is kind of hard for me to explain it to you. But I am going to take you to just the person that can tomorrow. Is that alright for now?"

"Yeah." Ryo gave a soft smile as Dee began to dig into the bag again.

He pulled out his wallet, badge and watch with out asking any more questions or really inspecting the items. Finally Dee felt the bag was very light and shook out the last two items. Out gently tumbled two rings. One was a simple, but classic, white gold ban, and the second took Dee's breath away when he saw it. Again it was white gold but with a more interact design; 4 diamonds were set into the ring with etching along the rest of the band giving off an almost woven effect.

"Are these…" Dee trailed off

"Yes," Ryo said in a soft voice. "Engagement ring," Ryo pointed to the simpler band. "And wedding ring." Ryo gestured to the other ring. It was only then the Dee noticed Ryo wearing a similar woven band but in gold.

Dee looked at the rings hesitantly not sure whether to put them on or not. These rings obviously held significant meaning and he wasn't sure how Ryo would react to him putting them on. The feeling behind the rings wasn't there yet but he didn't want Ryo to think he didn't care for him. In reality Dee felt closer to the sandy haired man with each moment they spent together. He was starting to think he understood how he fell in love with Ryo in the first place.

Ryo's smooth voice interrupted Dee's line of thoughts. "If you don't want to wear them I understand."

That cemented it for Dee, clearly the other man felt like it would be some sort of rejection if he didn't wear them and that was not he message he wanted to convey at all to his partner.

"No, no I do," Dee paused and Ryo give him a skeptical look. "Really I do, but would you put them on for me. Maybe it will help me remember the first time you put each one on." Ryo gave him a warm smile and picked up the rings from Dee's palm. First he slid on the engagement band then the slightly heavier wedding ring.

"How do they feel?" Ryo asked.

"Good, like I should have never taken them off." Which shocked Dee slightly because it was true, the slight weight of each on his finger left him with a comforting feeling he couldn't explain.

"I'm glad," Ryo smiled softly. "Come on let me show you the living room."

Ryo took Dee through each of the rooms in the apartment explaining a few of the pictures and mementoes along the way.

Dee was honestly surprised at the disaster zone Bikky's room was. Ryo was the most surprised because his lover was quite the slob. If left to his own devices he would never clean.

When Dee had moved out of his apartment and into Ryo's it had taken them at least a week to throw out all of the accumulated trash and get the apartment decently clean for the new tenant. Ryo took Dee to their bedroom last and let the younger man in first.

"Wow, that is a huge bed." Dee went further into the room at sat down on the edge of the bed and started to look at a few of the things left on the nightstand.

"It is pretty big, but it used to be my parent's. I just don't have the heart to get rid of it." In his snooping Dee came across a picture of the two men in a tight embrace saluting the camera with a glass of rich red wine in each hand.

"When was this taken," He asked Ryo. Ryo looked down at the pictured and thought back to last Christmas.

"Just this last Christmas actually, at the NYPD Christmas party. We go every year but that is the best shot we have ever had by far."

"We look so happy," Dee said sadly as he began to trace the faces oh the photo. Dee continued to stare into the photo not exactly sure what he was searching for, maybe a glimmer of the happy memory the men in the photo seemed to share.

"It was a very nice night," Ryo responded fondly sitting down beside Dee. Dee put the photo back on the night table and put his head into his hands.

"I'm sorry," He said so softly Ryo could barely hear him

"What for Dee," Ryo asked rather perplexed and he put a hand of Dee's should and gave it a squeeze.

"For being stupid and losing my memory, for not remembering this." Dee gestured towards the photo and let him hands drop into his lap squeezing them into fists.

"There was nothing you could have done, Koi. It was an accident and sometimes these things happen." Dee was starting to break down and Ryo couldn't believe he didn't see this coming until now. The dark haired man had been feeling very alienated since waking up and it was no surprise that it was beginning to take its toll.

"No it's all my fault, God I'm so sorry," Dee said brokenly. Ryo didn't have any words to say that he hadn't are already used. The only thing he had left to offer the distraught man was his comfort.

Dee said nothing as Ryo brushed back his hair softly. Ryo could tell Dee was fighting the tears that shone in eyes, and it broke his heart all the more to see Dee like this because in the entire time they had been together Dee had rarely cried.

Leaning closer Ryo folded his arms around Dee's back and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. He pulled Dee just a little bit closer to him and suddenly it was too much for his lover. He wound his arms around Ryo's back and pressed his face tightly into Ryo's neck and started to sob.

"Shhhh, it's alright love, cry all you need to. I promise I won't let go," Ryo murmured soothingly against Dee's ear. Dee's sobs were the most gut wrenching sound he had ever heard. Dee just continued to cry and only slightly calmed down when Ryo started to rub his back. Dee's sobs turned to heavy breathing and light trembles after a few minutes of intense crying.

After at least half and hour Ryo felt Dee go slack in his embrace falling into an exhausted sleep. Ryo continued to lazily rub his partner's back enjoying the bit of closeness he could only get while Dee was asleep. Ryo gently lifted his partner up and peeled back the covers, laying Dee down on the bed.

Ryo gave Dee another peck on the forehead and pulled the covers up to his chin. "Sleep well Dee, Ai shiteru," Ryo whispered and exited the bedroom leaving the door open a crack. Ryo headed towards the kitchen to start dinner, he wanted nothing more than to hold onto Dee tightly. But he knew the other man wasn't ready to wake up next to him just yet.

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Dee awoke to someone running their fingers through his hair. Dee instantly recognized it was Ryo when the older man started talking to him.

"Come on Dee, time to wake up," Ryo whispered softly in is ear. " I know you're half awake, if you wake up a little more you can come have dinner." Dee pushed against Ryo's fingers enjoying the sensation for a moment longer before cracking open his eyes.

'Man it feels like someone dumped a pound of sand into my eyes.' Dee realized he was still letting Ryo rub his scalp lightly and quickly sat up blushing darkly. Feeling a little more comfortable after a minute Dee rubbed some of the sleep out of his eyes and gave a huge yawn in the process.

"Kawaii," Dee heard Ryo whisper wondering what the older man was talking about. Dee didn't get it and didn't want to ask about so he just ignored the comment.

"What time is it," Dee asked still sleepy, while getting up and stretching out the kinks he had accumulated.

"Around six o'clock, you slept at least 4 hours. Do you feel any better?" Ryo got up off the bed as well and remade the side Dee had rumpled.

"A lot actually. Thank you for earlier," Dee said hesitantly. "I didn't mean to break down like that. I guess I was just tired, I'm really sorry.

"Don't worry about it. That is one of the reasons I am here for right?" Ryo gave the slightly taller man a smile and started to lead him towards the door. "Why don't you go get washed up and we can have dinner. Bikky came home with Cal about an hour ago."

It seemed to Dee Ryo was saying don't worry about a lot of things over the few days he had know the man. Dee walked into the bathroom and closed the door softly and began to wash up. After washing his face and using the bathroom Dee joined Ryo in the kitchen. As He walked in a heavenly scent seemed to be drifting from the oven.

"Man that smells really good, what are we having," Dee said as he sat down with Ryo at the table.

Ryo looked up from his glass of wine and responded. "We're having baked fettuccine alfredo tonight. I have a really nice red wine to go with it."

Dee looked at Ryo skeptically. "Can I even have wine?"

"I think so. But only one glass because you have to have your meds about two hours after dinner. I hope you savior it because you won't be getting anymore for two long weeks." Ryo told him while going to pull the pasta out of the oven.

"Bikky Cal time for dinner," Ryo shouted towards the direction of the young teen's room. Dee was surprised when a girl that looked slightly older the Bikky came into the kitchen, holding Bikky's hand. She was taller than Bikky and Dee was betting the kid still hadn't hit is growth spurt yet.

"Hi Dee, I'm Cal, Bikky's girlfriend," the girl said brightly. This girl had such an exuberant personality Dee knew right off the bat he was going to like her. She let go of Bikky's hand and gave Dee a huge hug.

"And just to let you know I'm your favorite so don't listen to anything Bikky says."

"Hey," Bikky exclaimed loudly

"Well you know it is true," Cal stated primly while examining her nails looking bored.

"Are not," Bikky countered

"Are too," Cal said while sticking out her tongue. The two continued on like this for a few minutes before Ryo broke them up.

"Come sit down the both of you, it is time to eat," Ryo told them sternly while starting to serve up plates for everyone. Conversation was light with dinner and it was more of a time for Dee to begin to get reacquainted with his family. After dinner Bikky and Dee went into the living to watch some TV while Cal helped Ryo wash up.

"Ryo is Dee going to be okay? I know he was trying to put an effort into the conversation at dinner but it still seemed like there was the huge line in-between him and us."

Ryo put the casserole dish into the drying rack while thinking over an answer that wouldn't upset Cal too much. She was a very sensitive girl behind her street exterior and cared for Dee a lot.

'It must tearing her up to see Dee so unresponsive to her,' Ryo thought sadly

"Eventually he will be sweetheart. Right now I guess Dee is just feeling out of place. He doesn't remember the quirks of our family and sometimes may feel uncomfortable with some of our behavior. I don't know if Bikky told you but he remembers nothing. Everything we say and do he has to take in and try make sense of it even though he may not understand it. Is this making any sense to you or am I just confusing you more?"

"No not at all, I think I kinda get how Dee is feeling and why he doesn't seem too comfortable with us." Cal pulled the stopper out of the sink while watching the water and suds slowly drain away.

"Well I am hoping he will start to remember a few things in the next couple of days and I think it will help a lot. Just be there for him the best you can and maybe try and remind of a few things. Now why don't you go join the boys I am almost done here"

"Thanks Ryo." Cal leaned up and wrapped around Ryo's neck and hugged tightly giving him a peck on the cheek before taking off into the living room. Ryo finished up in the kitchen and grabbed some paper work Drake had dropped off from the office while Dee was still asleep. Even though Ryo had managed to get himself a fair amount of time off he had made a bargain with Rose that he would finish up the mounds paper work left over from the couple's last few cases.

'At least he couldn't say anything about Dee taking so much time off. He is on definite medical leave until one of the precinct's shrinks thinks he has remembered enough to start working again. Which probably won't be for at least a month'

As Ryo entered the living room he could hear Bikky swearing to himself. "Nonono how is this fucking possible." Ryo noticed Dee and Bikky were sitting on the floor and playing some racing game and by the sounds of Bikky's cussing Dee was kicking his ass.

"Language Bikky," Ryo reminded his son.

"But Dad," Bikky whined as Ryo sat down on the love seat and picked up his first case file while placing his reading glasses on the tip of his nose.

"But nothing. You know I don't like it when you swear," Ryo told him sternly

"But," Bikky tried again. "Dee keeps beating me it isn't fair."

"It's not like that is anything new. I really don't see what you are whining about." Ryo started to flip through the file noticing one of the witness statements was missing all the while trying to ignore Bikky.

"He is whining because when I came in Bikky was still teaching Dee how to play the game," Cal said with definite mirth in her voice.

"Beginners luck?" Dee ventured.

"No," Cal said while giving Dee a bright smile. "It is fate I tell you and it always goes like this. You see Bikky brings home a new game hoping that maybe by some miracle this time you won't kick his ass, but you always do so therefore it is fate. In hindsight I really don't see why he bothers at all."

"Cal that isn't true," Bikky exclaimed. "I have beaten him a few times, your just glorifying the story for the bozo's sake."

"I most certainly am not Bikky McLean."

"Sometimes I really dislike you," Bikky said sulky, getting up off the floor and sitting on the couch crossing his arms over his chest.

"No you don't, you love me," Cal drew out the syllables and plopped on Bikky's lap giving him a peck on the lips.

"Fine you win, as always. But can we please watch some TV? I am really sick of losing to him." Bikky jerked his thumb in Dee's direction as the dark haired man sat down next to Ryo.

Dee could only watch the exchange between the two with amusement. Clearly they were both deeply in love and it made Dee wonder if he ever acted like that with Ryo. Dee curled into his side of the couch half watching the crappy movie Bikky put on and half watching his partner work.

It was actually kind of amusing to watch Ryo mutter to himself about the file. Dee was beginning to notice his partner more and more since he got home. Dee couldn't help but admit he had somehow gotten a very attractive man as a spouse and it was hard to ignore it.

'Oh God I am doing it again, starting at him like some love sick teenager.' Dee started blushing again. 'I sure in the hell hope he didn't catch that. I am starting to think even though I lost my memories the feeling between us are still there waiting on the fringe' Dee curled further into his corner of the couch and tried to concentrate on the TV rather than Ryo.

Unfortunately for Dee Ryo had caught him peeking a look when he was looking for another scattered section of the file. The little blushes Dee had been giving off were absolutely adorable. Ryo always found Dee was never really embarrassed about anything; he was always hiding it behind his brash walls. It was nice to see his lover flustered instead of him for once.

It was at least two hours later before Ryo checked the time realizing it was much later than he thought.

"Dee," Ryo called to the younger man.

"Mmmm hmm," Dee responded from his side of the couch half asleep. Ryo looked over to Cal and Bikky who were cuddling close together and also looked like they were barely conscious.

'That movie must have been really bad for all of them to be so sleepy.'

"It's time for you to take your meds and I have had enough of this paper work for one night." Ryo got up and went into the kitchen retrieving two pills and a glass of water. Ryo handed the pills off to Dee.

"Here you go."

"Thanks I think." Dee looked wearily at the two yellow pills.

Ryo looked down at Dee feeling horrible for what he partner had to go through. "If you start to feel sick you really need to tell me, okay? Then we try and get your stomach settled before you start vomiting."

"Can do," Dee replied and down the pills and water in one huge chug.

"Dee has to be on meds for this?" Bikky called from the other couch. Bikky glanced straight at Dee and said, "You poor sucker, you're gonna be soooooo sick." Dee did not like the sound of that at all.

"Bikky leave him alone," Cal said lightly punching her boyfriend in the arm. "I always feel so bad for Dee when he has to be on medication."

Ryo gave Bikky a rather hard glare. "And guess who is going to be helping if Dee does get sick? You have three chances and the first two don't count."

"Ummm me?" Bikky hesitantly said.

"That's right, so I would watch what you say or Dee might feel the need to puke all over the floor and I would get you to clean it up," Ryo replied.

"This is getting too depressing! Come on Cal lets go for dessert or something." Bikky grabbed Cal's hand pulled her towards the front door.

"Be back by 12 Bikky," Ryo called.

"Whatever you say."

"Bye Dee, bye Ryo," Cal shouted as the door slammed shut.

Ryo winced, "God I wish he would close that poor door a little more gently. What do you feel like doing for the rest of evening?" Ryo directed towards the younger man. "I think we have a few board games hanging around or we can watch some movies that you really like."

Dee looked thoughtful for a few moments before replying. "How about a movie I really don't feel like learning how to play another game tonight."

"Sounds like a plan, I'll go pick something good, I promise." Ryo looked through the mountain of DVD and older tapers they owned try to decide what Dee would appreciate the most right now. Ryo finally decided on The Princess Bride (2), which was one of Dee's favorite books turned movie from when he was younger. After popping the battered tape into the VCR Ryo got comfortable on the couch again still letting Dee have his space. Though he wished he could cuddle next to his husband but it probably would give him a nosebleed or a panic attack. It amused Ryo to no ends how well his poor lover was playing the shy virgin.

"So what are we watching?" Dee asked Ryo curiously.

"That my dear Buttercup is a surprise." Dee gave Ryo 'are you on crack' look missing the joke completely. Of course Ryo didn't really expect the poor man to get it but he always called Dee Buttercup when they watched the movie to piss the younger man off.

"Just watch the movie, you'll get it trust me," Ryo said still laughing slightly.

Dee's eyes went wide as saucers when he found out who Buttercup was and gave Ryo a perturbed look.

"Are you comparing me to a helpless damsel in distress by any chance," Dee asked.

"Maybe," Ryo teased then poked Dee lightly in the ribs when the man crossed his arms over his chest sticking his nose up in the air. Dee could be such a priss sometimes, although he would never admit to it. But at least he was acting more like himself than the overly shy man from earlier that day.

"I think I would rather be the guy with the sword, he looks way cooler than Buttercup," Dee stated, pouting just a bit.

"Well you'll always be my damsel, so get used to it lover." Dee blushed bright red for the fourth time that day sending Ryo into another round of laughter.

'I think he is finding this too amusing. I need to get this blushing under control before I pass out from the blood running too fast to my abused brain.'

The two men managed to watch the rest of the movie with out incident. It warmed Ryo's heart to see Dee laughing again at the crappy 80's visual effects. After the movie they watched some more TV and fell into a light slumber.

**qpqpqpqp**

"Ryo I'm home," Bikky called loudly as he slammed the door again. Both men were startled awake with the racket Bikky was making. Ryo looked over at the clock and couldn't believe it was only 10:40; no wonder Bikky was being loud. The teen was used to the two men going to bed around 11:00 or 11:30 on a slower paced night.

"How was dessert," Ryo asked.

"Pretty good, Cal had cheesecake and I had chocolate mousse. Man am I beat I am gonna head off to bed. See you in the morning." Bikky headed off to his bedroom giving a slight wave before closing the door. Ryo noticed Dee looked like he was settling back into the couch, it was probably best that they got to bed too.

"He is right I am tired too." Ryo started. "Come on lets get you into bed." Ryo stuck out a hand to help Dee up. When he pulled the darker haired man off the couch Dee swayed slightly on his feet and grabbed his stomach and groaned.

'Crap,' Ryo thought. 'Is his stomach already starting bother him. This is not good'

Ryo steadied Dee by wrapping an arm around his waist and one around the shoulder. "Are you starting to feel sick?" Ryo asked gently.

"I don't know I just felt really dizzy when I stood up. It's probably nothing, I think I just got up way too fast." Ryo didn't buy it for a second Dee was looking pale already and Ryo doubted it was just a bit of a head rush.

"Dee if your not feeling well it is really important that you tell me," Ryo said more firmly this time.

Dee stared at a stain on the floor intently trying to get his bearings. "It's not that I feel really sick to my stomach or anything it is just kind of… I don't even know the proper word, gurgley?"

Ryo gave his partner a softer look. "Alright it doesn't sound too bad yet. I still think you should have some tea or ginger ale before bed. What do you prefer hot or cold?"

"Defiantly cold please."

"Sure whatever you want. Why don't you go start getting ready for bed and I'll meet you in the bedroom? You remember where your drawers are right?"

"Yeah I think I can manage," Dee replied quietly still looking a tad pale. Ryo let go of Dee when he seemed a little steadier and watched him shuffle off to the bathroom. Ryo went into the kitchen and poured a small glass of soda for Dee with some ice.

'Now all I have to do is worry about keeping Dee from getting too sick and sleeping arrangements. It would probably be better if I slept on the couch for the next couple of nights. I doubt he is going to feel comfortable sharing a bed with me.'

On a quick detour to the hall closet Ryo grabbed Dee's quote unquote meds trash can and some extra sheets for the couch. Dee never seemed to quite make it to the bathroom if he got sick in the middle of the night and Ryo quickly became tired of cleaning vomit off of his wood flooring thus came in the 'meds trash can'. Dee's favorite beside companion for when he was sick as a dog. Ryo threw the sheets on the couch and headed to the bedroom

**qpqpqpqp**

Dee stopped at the bathroom on the way and brushed his teeth which is retrospect was pretty stupid when Ryo was bringing him a sugar loaded drink but Dee didn't really feel like brushing his teeth again nor did he care. Dee looked at the shower longingly wishing he could wash his hair, but with the stitches he was going to have to wait till tomorrow. His hair felt grubby and just generally he felt pretty gross but he guessed he could wait another few hours.

Dee made it to the bedroom and went to look for some decent cool pajamas; the jeans and hoodie he was wearing were getting way too hot. Dee didn't really bother to look through his drawers and grabbed the first pair of pajamas bottoms he spotted. They were a light cotton material in simple black; they seemed comfy and well worn. Dee dug a little further into the drawer and found a white cotton tank to go with the bottoms. Dee got changed as just sat down on the bed as Ryo came in holding his drink and a blue garbage can.

"What is the garbage can for?" Dee asked as Ryo set it down next to the bed and passed the younger man his ginger ale.

"In case you don't feel so hot half way through the night. I don't want you to have to run all the way to the bathroom."

"Oh," Dee replied sounding a tad embarrassed. He handed Ryo his empty glass back still feeling a little off but he didn't want to worry Ryo.

"Well I am going to go to bed, but if you need anything I will be on the couch," Ryo told his partner.

Dee gave him a perplexed look. "You're going to sleep on the couch? I don't want to kick you out of your bed on the account of me."

"I think it would probably be better this way. Can you honestly say you would be comfortable with me sleeping with you?" Ryo asked Dee gently sitting down on the bed next to him.

"I… I don't really know. But I don't think I want you to leave either. God I am so confused."

"Do you see why I think it's better I sleep on the couch for a couple of days?" Ryo grasped Dee's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"I guess so," Dee obviously unsure of his answer. Ryo gave his hand another squeeze and got up to leave. He didn't get far before he felt a slight pressure around his wrist. Ryo looked down and saw Dee had latched onto his wrist and had his head down.

"Don't go," Dee said quietly still not letting go of Ryo's wrist. Ryo sighed heavily and sat down again. Ryo cupped Dee's face tenderly and lifted the younger man's head up so he could watch Dee's reaction as he spoke.

"Alright I'll stay but you have to understand Dee, that we have a very intimate relationship and usually sleep very close together. I'll try and stick to my half of the bed but I can't make any promises when I'm asleep. If you can live with the possibility I may come over and try and cuddle, I'll stay."

"I think I can live with that possibility," Dee said shyly letting go of Ryo's wrist. "You make me feel safe." Dee closed his eyes and slightly turned his head away from Ryo but with Ryo's hand still cupping his face the movement was half hearted. Dee was slightly embarrassed at his admission but he couldn't deny he felt so much better when Ryo was around.

"Why don't you get into bed while I go wash up. I'll be back in a few minutes." With a slight nod from Dee Ryo went off to the bathroom. Dee crawled into the huge bed while Ryo was gone and got comfortable. He was mostly asleep when he heard the older man come back in the room and crawl into bed with him. Dee wasn't sure if he was dreaming or not when he felt a gently kiss on the temple and heard a soft "Goodnight itoshii." If it was in fact Ryo, Dee was going to have to ask the other man what all of those strange words he had been using meant. Dee settled down further and fell asleep feeling warm and comfortable.

**qpqpqpqp**

Ryo woke up to Dee tossing and turning on his half of the bed. Ryo could see a sheen of sweat across his partner's forehead and he thought it would be best to wake Dee up before whatever he was dreaming about agitated him more. He leaned over and placed a firm hand of Dee's arm. Before Ryo could even try and wake Dee the younger man shot up and looked extremely panicked, breathing heavily.

"Dee, are you alright?" Ryo asked cautiously. Dee looked like he was about to reply when he turned an awful shade of green and leaned off the bed and started to vomit.

'Shit I really thought we were going to get away with no vomiting this time,' Ryo tiredly thought as he rubbed Dee's back, trying to provide some comfort. Surprisingly Dee stopped after a few heavy heaves. Dee was panting deeply and Ryo noticed a slight tremble in his limbs.

Ryo continued to rub Dee's back and asked, "Are you feeling better?"

"Not really," Dee gasped. "But can I please go into the bathroom instead."

"Of course," Ryo replied and helped the shaky man up.

They just barely made it to the bathroom before Dee was sick again, this time much more violently. Ryo rubbed his partner's back again and desperately hoped Dee's stomach would calm down soon. Instead his poor lover started dry heaving, which in Ryo's experience was one of the worst parts of being sick. Dee finally quieted down after about 5 minutes but was still looking a shade less than death. Ryo quickly wetted a face cloth left on the counter and pressed it onto his lover's clammy forehead just before Dee leaned back into him tiredly.

"Are you still feeling nauseous?" Ryo directed towards the spent man a few minutes later.

Dee turned his face into Ryo's neck and nodded faintly. "Do you think you'll be okay on the couch while I make you some tea to settle your stomach. I would rather not leave you here alone." Dee gave a shrug and groaned.

"We'll put you on the couch," Ryo said reassuringly. "I'll try and be fast I promise." Ryo carefully shifted Dee so he could pick him up. Trying to lessen the jostles to Dee's midriff Ryo picked Dee up as slowly as he could and still be balanced. Ryo made it to the living room without Dee groaning too loudly and gently laid him on the couch pulling a blanket off of the opposite arm and tucking it around Dee's shoulders.

"I'll be back in 5, promise." Ryo rubbed Dee's cheek lightly before leaving for the kitchen. As Ryo headed for the kitchen he noticed the light was already on and Bikky had started boiling some water. Ryo went up to Bikky and put an arm around his shoulder.

"I really don't know what I would do without you Bik," Ryo exhaustedly said.

"Think nothing of it. Do you need more help? Dee sounded pretty bad this time," the teen replied.

"Could you go into the bedroom and see what kind of damage he did? I don't know if he actually managed to hit the garbage can." The water was boiling now and Ryo took it off the stove and poured it into a mug that Bikky had already set out and grabbed Dee's tea.

"Can do, don't worry about anything but getting the perv to stop barfing everywhere. I'll change the sheets and clean up in there."

"Thanks Bikky I really appreciate it." Bikky gave him a light smile before heading off towards the bedroom, which was probably a mess. When Ryo came back into the living room Dee was still very much awake and was clutching his stomach.

"Not feeling any better I take it," Ryo asked the younger man as he sat down on the couch.

"No," Dee whimpered as Ryo helped him sit up slowly. Ryo placed the warm mug in Dee's hand and sat down.

"Drink slowly," Ryo caution and was fairly surprised when Dee slid closer and leaned into him. Dee finished his tea in silence, grimacing slightly at the taste once and a while. It was around another 15 or 20 minutes before Bikky came back into the living room.

"You guys can go back to bed. It wasn't too bad in there but I changed the sheets and threw them in the washing machine. I didn't turn it on though; can we leave it for tomorrow Dad? Those double stackers are always so friggen noisy."

"Sure, at this point I really don't think it matters." Ryo decided it would probably best if Dee didn't walk back to bed. They had just got his stomach slightly settled and he defiantly did not want it bothering his lover again, at least for the rest of the night if possible. Ryo picked Dee up again and he and Bikky exited the living room clicking off the lights.

Bikky stepped off into his room saying good night leaving the two men on their own short trek back to the bedroom. Ryo got Dee back into bed and crawled in next to him.

"Goodnight again," Ryo said whispered softly pulling the covers up to his chin.

"Night Ryo," Dee replied with a soft sigh. Ryo was just drifting off when he felt Dee move to lie up against him. Ryo draped an arm around Dee's back finally feeling content. Evidently the younger man was still shaken up and needed some physical contact, which Ryo could give him with no pressure. Both men drifted into a deep sleep that would last the rest of the night.

TBC

**qpqpqpqp**

1. Yah yah I know Bikky really should 16 based on the manga and such but I really didn't want to make him too old.

2. If you haven't read or seen the princess bride shame on you. It is one of my favorite 80's movies. Anyone unfamiliar with it can find a short and to the point plot summary at http/ www. imbd. com/ title/ tt0093779/ plotsummary

Yay another chapter down woo hoo. Sorry this took so long I had an evil essay and midterm last week that prevented me from working on this chapter.

If anyone knows how to replace a chapter with an edited version that actually shows up on ff. net, please for the love of God tell me. I have noticed I made a few errors in the last two chapters and would like to correct them but hates me but so does sigh.

Keep up with the reviews I just love all the nice things you say. If you have any help with dumb or want a scene thrown into the story for the hell of it you can e-mail at silver underscore millennium underscore moon at hotmail. com, please ignore the chapter 4 update that was just so I could fix my e-mail and the link for the summary. Thanks Cloverstar for pointing that out, you're a lifesaver! Cheeers


	4. Chapter 4 Something lost, something foun...

Chapter 4- Something lost, something found

Thanks to all of my reviewers you guys are great, especially those that gifted me with multiple reviews. The endnotes have a few important points so please read them and without further babbling chapter 4!

**qpqpqpqp**

When Dee woke up the next morning he found he was alone but it didn't taken him long to figure out where Ryo was. Dee could smell the strong scent of coffee coming from the kitchen and decided he should probably have a cup. After a quick glance at the alarm clock he saw that it was getting close to 11. He managed to drag himself into the kitchen and found Ryo already having a cup and reading the paper.

"Morning Ryo," Dee greeted still sounding sleepy as he grabbed a cup from the cupboard.

"Ohayo, Dee." Ryo put down his paper and gave the man a bright smile.

"Huh?" Dee looked at Ryo quizzically and he poured his coffee and grabbed some cream and sugar. Ryo was using weird words again and this time really wanted to know what was going on.

"Oh sorry! It means good morning in Japanese. I think I have been doing that a lot to you right?" Dee nodded and sat down at the table. "It is a really bad habit of mine. When I was little my mother taught me Japanese and she would always use a Japanese word here or there for little things. I guess I just picked it up from her."

"I am guessing I learned most of your little quirk words then?" Dee asked around his mug.

"Yes and actually I was just starting to teach you some real Japanese before this happened. You even managed to learn all of the body parts," Ryo replied.

"Maybe you should give me a refresher course so I can understand you." Ryo almost spit out the sip of coffee he had taken when he heard that.

Ryo gave a slight cough and turned red, "Umm maybe later. Why don't you have a bagel if you're stomach is feeling better?" Ryo thought it would be best to divert the topic because Dee didn't learn the body parts in an innocent fashion at all. When Dee kept forgetting toes Ryo thought he would be creative and taught the darker haired man the parts in a very seductive manner.

"Right then… What are we doing today?"

"I thought we could go see Mother Lane and go for a walk in the park." Before Dee even had a chance to ask who Mother Lane was Ryo continued on with his explanation. "Mother Maria Lane is the nun that raised you, she is like a mother to you."

"What happened to my parents if I was raised by this women?" Dee asked Ryo cautiously hoping for an answer that didn't involve the death of his parents.

"I am not sure if I should be the one telling you this but some how I doubt you would take no for an answer. We are not actually sure who are your parents are, you were found abandoned as a baby and raised in an orphanage." Ryo hated telling his partner such important things in such a blunt manner. Dee had never liked to openly talk about his past with Ryo and that was okay because he knew his lover had a lot of painful memories. Ryo knew the basics of Dee's childhood and of the betrayal of Jess but the rest of Dee's past was like a murky pond, the surface being visible but never the bottom.

Dee gripped his mug just a bit tighter not sure how important this information was to him when he had his memory. "Did it ever bother me that I didn't know who my parents were?"

"Not that I could tell but I guess everyone has a few things they would rather not share. Usually when we did talk about it you would just tell me you were lucky enough to grow up with someone like mother to take care of you." But that had always made Ryo wonder if that was enough for Dee because there were a lot of things that Dee pretended didn't bother him but deeply did.

"I just don't understand how that wouldn't bother me at all! Hell I don't remember one thing but I know this bothers me." Dee was getting rather pissed off at the whole conversation. How could Ryo claim to know him if he didn't even know why not having parents didn't bother him. Wasn't Ryo supposed to be his husband and weren't spouses supposed to know each other better above everyone else?

Ryo knew that look on his partner's face and Dee was getting very angry. "Dee I really don't know what to say," Ryo started. "It never seemed like a big deal to you and I never pressed the issue."

"How ever you want to say it doesn't matter you just don't know, do you? And what really bothers me is you don't even seem to care." Dee abruptly got up and headed out of the kitchen. "I can't deal with this right now. I am going to have a shower," Dee shot out as he left.

"Fuck," Ryo muttered and ran a hand through his hair roughly. It was no secret that Ryo and Dee fought sometimes over really stupid things but that last thing he wanted to do was piss his lover off when he was like this. Ryo decided to give Dee some time to cool off and let the man have his shower.

Dee was probably just venting some of the frustration he had been feeling about the situation. But Ryo also couldn't have Dee having doubts about their relationship. Dee needed to be able to trust him enough to come to him with his concerns or with help dealing with memories that were confusing or unpleasant.

'I better try and talk to him when he comes out of the shower. I can't have him feeling like he can't come to me when he needs to.'

**qpqpqpqp**

15 minutes later Ryo was starting to wonder what Dee was up to as he still hadn't heard the shower turn on.

The sandy haired man thought it would be best to go check on Dee and make sure the poor man hadn't gone and done something stupid. When Ryo entered the bedroom, out of habit, he expected to see Dee throwing things around and grumbling to himself, which he usually did when pissed off.

Instead he found Dee sitting on the edge of the bed hunched over clenching his hands together. Dee looked worn out and all of the fight he had before seemed to have left. Ryo sat down beside Dee heavily, trying to alert the other man of his presence but Dee was too focused on his thoughts to even notice Ryo.

"Hey," Ryo said quietly causing Dee to jerk his head up in Ryo's direction with the sudden surprise of the other man's presence.

"Hi," Dee said back faintly, hunching back into the position he was in before Ryo startled him. Dee didn't even know where to start with Ryo. He knew he was wrong for flipping out over something that probably required more tact on his part. Ryo was just trying to explain something very unpleasant in the best way he could; it wasn't like he was actively out to upset Dee.

"I'm really sorry Ryo. I had no right to act that like that and if you hadn't told me I would have pushed for an answer anyway," Dee paused looking for the right words to continue. " I guess I wasn't really angry at you but more at myself."

"Why?" Ryo inquired gently putting a hand on Dee's knee and giving it a squeeze.

Dee shrugged and started at the wall intently refusing to look directly a Ryo.

"This is just so frustrating; I know I have the answers somewhere in here," Dee gestured to himself as he kept talking.

"I just can't get to them. I want you to be able to tell me everything- I want you to be able to know everything. I realize that you can't and I get that you care deeply, despite what I said before. But it's hard to accept that if you don't know and I don't know then who does? And if I never get any or all my memories back, have I lost a piece of myself?

What's worse is that no one will even notice that piece missing. I'm not a whole person and it bothers me, I don't like feeling like this but I don't remember feeling any other way," Dee finished with a sigh and looked so defeated it tore at Ryo's heart.

"Dee- look at me please," Ryo said firmly. Dee focused on the blond but still looked rather ashamed. " I may not understand exactly what you're feeling but that doesn't mean I won't try to understand. I know you're going to feel angry and frustrated and times and a thousand other emotions. But if you can't tell why you're feeling that way or what is bothering how can I do anything to help. If you need a minute to think or compose yourself I can give it to you, but please don't storm off angry. I suppose the point I am trying to make here is we need to face these things head on as a team and start to rebuild your trust in us."

"I think I get what you're saying," Dee said hesitantly. "If I can't even tell you how I am feeling how can I come to you when I out sorts and really need you, right?"

For someone who had lost all of his memories Dee was still perceptive as ever. It never ceased to amaze Ryo how bright his lover could be when he actually put some effort in.

Ryo gave Dee another soft look and replied kindly. "You got it babe. Nothing comes instantaneous and needs work, but I think we're up for the challenge. Why don't you go grab your shower so we won't be late meeting Mother Lane?"

"I do kind of smell don't I," Dee said sniffing himself.

Ryo snorted and the younger man's antics. Leave it to Dee to turn a serious conversation into an amusing situation. Not that Ryo was complaining; it was nice to have the heavy atmosphere lighten up.

"My husband the comedian, good lord. At least you haven't forgotten your witty sense of humor. Now get going before I have to drag you in there myself," Ryo said having a hard time not laughing.

"Whatever you say." Ryo and Dee both got up and started heading out when Ryo noticed Dee had stopped. Ryo turned around to see what the other man was doing when Dee spoke up.

"Hey Ryo,"

"Yeah?" Ryo was thrown for a loop when Dee came up to him and gave him a tight hug. Ryo wrapped his arms around Dee's back, enjoying the closeness he had been missing from their relationship.

"Thanks," Dee said softly into his ear before letting go and heading off to shower. It amazed Ryo how Dee could still take his breath away even though they had been together for 2 years. Ryo sighed feeling more relaxed then he had in days and headed out of the bedroom.

-Love is like the sun coming out of the clouds and warming your soul

**qpqpqpqp**

"Come on Dee we're here," Ryo told the anxious man sitting beside him.

"Well you have a good visit Ryo; I think I will stay here," Dee replied quickly

"Get out of the car," Ryo countered firmly unbuckling his seatbelt and opening the door.

"And what if I don't want to," Dee tried again not moving and inch from his seat much to Ryo's displeasure.

"I can't make you do anything thing but I think it is important that you meet her. Please Koi? Humor me for today; I know we had a rather bad morning but things can only look up from here." Ryo had no clue what had gotten into his partner. He was fine after his shower until they had left for the church half and hour ago.

"Okay?" Ryo tried tentively when Dee still had responded to his question.

"Alright," his lover said, still sounding extremely tense. "I'm sorry Ryo. I really don't know why I am acting like such an ass today. I mean what is the worst this woman could do to me anyways? Hug me to death, seriously I need to get a grip."

"It's probably just the stress of having to go into an unfamiliar place and meeting new people at the same time. Just relax and you'll do fine," Ryo said encouragingly as they started up towards the church.

Mother Lane was waiting for them at the bottom of the steps leading up to the large double doors of the church, in her never changing black and white penguin suit as Dee was known to comment on every chance he was given. Mother Lane held her greetings until the two men made it up to the stairs then attacked Dee.

"Oh Dee you had me so worried!" She cried as she gathered Dee is a tight motherly hug. She then proceed to grab his ear and pull him towards the door. "Don't you ever worry your mother like that again, you hear me Dee **Gabriel McLean."**

**Dee was too stunned to struggle as he was dragged towards the door with Ryo trailing behind them.**

**"Ryo help me!" Dee squeaked out. Ryo just laughed; some things between that pair just never changed no matter the circumstances. **

After sufficiently scolding Dee the trio sat down for an early afternoon tea and cookies. Mother left the room again for a moment to retrieve the photo album Ryo had seen many times before.

"Now, Ryo dear here is that old photo album that you wanted Dee to have a look through." Mother Lane passed Ryo a worn photo album that was very familiar to him.

"Yes, I thought it might help jog some of his memories. Dr. Linden said it might help if Dee visited familiar places and handled things that help significant emotional value. I am not sure if I buy into that but it is worth a try," Ryo said, flipping to the first page.

The first pictured was of Dee and Aaron(1) when they were both much younger. They were both covered in dirt and had their arms around each other's shoulders, grinning at the camera.

"Do you have any idea who this boy is?" Mother said kindly, while pointed to Aaron.

"Aaron," Dee replied plainly. Ryo and Mother Lane both looked a little shocked at Dee's answer. Neither had expected the dark haired man to remember something from the first picture he was shown.

"What do you remember about him Dee?" Ryo asked hesitantly hoping his partner hadn't remember the young man's death. Dee didn't look very disturbed so maybe it was a happier memory.

Dee gave Ryo and Mother Lane and strange look. "I don't remember anything about him."

"What do you mean? You just told us his name, you must remember something," Ryo said extremely perplexed with Dee's answer.

"No, I just read the caption at the bottom of the photo," Dee pointed to the bottom of the photo. "See here it says Dee and Aaron age eight."

"Oh dear," Mother Lane said with a touch of exasperation. "Why don't we try and concentrate more on the people in the photos than on the captions at the bottom, alright?"

Dee looked over to Ryo when he heard the nun's tone, "She is scolding me isn't she?"

Before Ryo could even mount a reply Mother Lane was all over her favorite son again. "Of course I am, it's my job," the old nun said firmly. "Now listen to your mother and concentrate on what your suppose to be doing."

"Yes mother," Dee said teasingly before looking at the next photo. They spent another hour at least looking through the many glimpses of Dee's past, none seemingly familiar to Dee's frustration. When they had gone through the whole album Ryo noticed there were some photos tucked at the back that he had never seen before.

"Mother, I don't remember ever seeing this stack before," Ryo said glancing at Mother Lane. "When did you find these?"

"Oh I think Dee dropped them off at least half a year ago after he had done some cleaning. I haven't had any time to go through them and organize them. But we can go through those as well," Mother Lane said while straightening the small stack of photos. Many of the photos were of Dee as a young man; some from collage, some from the police academy and a few from various outings.

Dee wasn't paying very much attention until Mother Lane flipped to a photo of Dee and another young man who was much taller than Dee. The photo had captured the relaxed smiles of both of the men who were tightly wrapped in each other's arms with the taller man's head titled towards Dee. The other man was very handsome to say the least. He had short auburn hair, with very strong features containing two intense cerulean eyes.

Dee looked quiet started when the photo came out, making Ryo wonder who that man was. A flash of recognition passed over Dee's for just a moment before it disappeared again as fast as it came.

"Dee," Ryo asked hesitantly, grasping the other man's hand. "Do you know who that man is?"

"N-no I don't. If you don't mind I don't think I want to do this any more. Can we please do something else Ryo?" Dee practically begged by the time he finished speaking. Ryo rubbed small circles of the top of Dee's hand trying to reassure him.

"Of course, whatever you want." Ryo looked over to Mother Lane trying to convey that he needed to speak with her privately. As usually she was very perceptive and picked up on Ryo's slight cues and nodded back to him.

"Dee, why don't you go play with the children outside for awhile? The weather is unusually nice for early May and they haven't seen you for a few weeks. Just go out the door and turn left then go out the door at the end of the hall."

"Sure," Dee replied happy to get out of looking at any more pictures full of people he didn't remember. At least kids wouldn't ask too many questions and some fresh air would be nice. The room was begging to become too confining for Dee's tastes.

"Now you go and have a good time," Mother Lane instructed. "I have already told them about your little accident so they better be on their best behavior."

"Best behavior?" Dee questioned gulping a little as he got up and headed towards the door. "Should I be worried?"

"Oh no dear. Now shoo so Randy and I can finish our tea," Mother Lane further pushed as Dee finally exited the room and headed off towards the backyard of the church.

Mother Lane turned back to Randy. "Was there something you wanted to ask me?"

"Who was that man in the last photo you showed Dee? I don't think I have ever seen him before." Ryo gave her a slight frown, gripping his teacup.

"That is Michele; hasn't Dee told you about him before?"

"No, he hasn't," Ryo responded rather perplexed.

Mother Lane serene faced quickly changed to one of concern with Ryo's admission. "Oh my…" She trailed off.

**qpqpqpqp**

"Hahaha you're it you old fart, try and catch me," one of the boys, Dee had learned was named Thomas, yelled as he weaved through the other kids at an incredible speed. They had been playing tag for about twenty minutes and Dee was already starting to feel worn out.

"These kids are like mini energizer bunnies," Dee panted to himself still trying to pass the tag onto the first available kid. Unfortunately Dee was dealing with 15 over active 4-10 year old boys, whose main goal in life was to run their guardian into the ground, if at all possible. After at least another 10 minutes of still not catching anyone Dee gave up and plopped himself down on the ground.

"I give guys," Dee groaned and he flopped onto the concrete totally spent.

"Oh come on Dee, get up we haven't even really started yet," another one of the boys yelled.

"Yeah," another shot over Dee's way. "We still want to play some basketball." They all came over and started to pull and tug on various limbs trying to get the older man up right.

"I think I'll just stay right where I am and watch the clouds." Dee sighed and closed his eyes hoping the little devils would just leave him alone. He couldn't move another inch let alone start playing another high activity game.

"You're just saying that cause you can't move," Thomas countered bouncing a basketball entirely too close to Dee's face.

"True, but unless you can get me upright I don't think I will be moving anytime soon."

"Fine, whatever maybe the girls will take you in and do your hair," Thomas snickered and then yelled at the others boys to start picking teams for the game.

Dee was actually enjoying the heat coming from the pavement and was content not to move for sometime. He closed his eyes and was just starting to feel pleasantly warm from the sun when a shadow blocked out his light. Dee opened his eyes and came face to face with a small girl no older than 6. When the girl didn't say anything for a few moments Dee started to become nervous.

"Ummmm hi there," Dee said uneasily as the girl continued to stare. When the girl still didn't respond Dee tried again. "My name is Dee, what's yours?"

"Clara, but you should already know that. You play with me all the time, but I am willing to forgive you since Mother said you hit your head and forgot who we were," the little girl replied as her chocolate bangs lightly brushed Dee's face.

"Well Clara I am very sorry," Dee said kindly sitting up so he could be eye level with the girl. "Would you like to watch the clouds with me and tell me about yourself again?"

"Kay," Clara chirped and motion for Dee to go over the grass, where it would defiantly be a lot for comfortable for them both.

"So," Dee started once they were settled in the grass. "How old are you Clara?" Clara held up all of the fingers on one of her hands and another half of a finger on the other.

"I'm guessing your five and half then?"

"Yup and I know how old you are too!" The little girl giggled pleasantly.

"Oh and how old do you think I am?" Dee asked her chucking softly.

"You're really really old!" She screeched as Dee began to tickle her sides. Clara tried to roll away from Dee's assault, but he just rolled with her. Both settled down again when Clara finally called uncle and gave up trying to get away from the 'old man'.

"What do you think that cloud looks like?" Dee asked point upwards, when he had finally caught he breath.

Clara face scrunched up with some thought and finally relayed her answer. "I think it looks like a big dinosaur."

"How bout a dragon," Dee replied. "Can you see the wings off to the side?"

"Nope," Clara said firmly. "It is defiantly a dinosaur."

They continued on like that for some time, just laughing and trying to make out funny shapes out of the clouds. That was how Ryo and Mother found them later, pointing at the sky and laughing with each other.

**qpqpqpqp**

"What do you mean oh my? Has Dee been keeping a something important from me?" Ryo was visibly upset over the nun's last comment.

"If he hasn't told you then yes he has. I am just slightly surprised Dee hasn't spoken to you about Michele yet. Actually now that I say it I am not that surprised in all honesty, this would be something Dee would try and ignore now that he has you." The nun leaned over and grasped Ryo's free hand tightly.

"Mother you are confusing me. What exactly are you talking about?" Ryo asked softly already dreading her answer.

"This should be coming from Dee, but he is in no condition to tell you right now," Mother Land sighed. "Have you ever wondered why Dee is usually so in control in your relationship or any other for that matter?"

"Sometimes," Ryo replied hesitantly, wondering where this was leading. "But I always thought it was because of how Dee grew up and because I had no experience in that type of relationship. As well we have settled more into an equal relationship so I haven't given much thought these days."

"Partly it was the environment he was raised in but I blame almost all of it on Michele." Mother Lane looked down into her teacup trying to gather her strength, releasing Ryo's hand in the process.

"I am not sure I am following you," Ryo said carefully.

"Michele was Dee's first boyfriend, love at first sight was what they would always tell me. Dee had just graduated collage and was entering the academy when they met. Michele was…" Mother Lane paused looking at Ryo. "He was charming to say the least. He had just finished graduate school in economics, I believe, and was starting a rather high paying job at one of the banks. After Dee finished training they moved in together and even exchange rings to show their commitment to each other. To tell you the truth Randy, I was surprised that Dee had settled down with someone when he was still so young. But they were so happy together, and as a mother that is all I wanted; to see my son happy."

"What happened?" Ryo asked as frown touched his lips. It bothered him that Dee had never mentioned something this serious to him before. Dee had been deeply committed to this man and had never told Ryo anything about him.

"After Dee's probation (2) was up he was dead set on becoming a detective; just like Jess. Because of his personality Dee was passed up for 2 promotions, which I think just drove him harder to succeed. He began spending more hours at work and less and less at home with Michele. Although Michele was usually a very easing going person I think all the time Dee spend away from him started to make him deeply jealous. Make no mistake although Michele enjoyed doting on Dee and taking care of him, he was the leader in their relationship and didn't take kindly to being ignored. Dee finally got his promotion but at what cost I am still not completely sure of," Mother Lane paused, catching her breath before continuing.

Ryo wasn't sure he liked where this story was heading. It made him sick to think about what could have happened to his lover with the break down of his previous relationship.

"You don't think Michele abused Dee?" Ryo was dreading the answer to his question, hoping to hell she would flat out say no.

"I don't actually know, but I have my suspicions. I do know they both came to blows towards the end but Dee never confided in me there was anything else besides from that. On the other hand what Michele did to Dee was far worse than any physical violence he could have dealt," Mother Lane trailed off with her voicing cracking slightly.

"Which was?" Ryo ran a shaky hand through his hair trying to ignore the tight knots that had developed in his gut.

"With Dee being gone so much Michele started to become bored, he began working longer hours and frequented the bars more and more often. Dee came to me on several occasions looking for a way to stop Michele from doing this but to keep working towards his promotion. I told him to consider lessening his hours and try to be more understanding of Michele's feelings. You have to keep the foundation strong of a relationship if you wanted it to last and at the time my feelings were Dee was neglecting it. And for once Dee listened and really tried. But by then it was too late and Michele was finding others that would take care of his needs. I am not exactly sure how Dee found out Michele was sleeping around but the fight after was catastrophic. As I said they both knocked each other around badly and a week later Dee moved out. After that Dee never mentioned Michele again and I never brought it up." Mother Lane finished her cup of tea slowly after she had finished she story waiting for Ryo's response. She knew it was a lot for the young man to take in.

"I-I don't even know what to think about all of this," Ryo said softly, staring out the far window. "I understand why he wouldn't tell me but I don't know how I am going to deal with him when he remembers this if I even can't."

"Love him," Mother Lane firmly replied. "Just be there for him, tell him you love him. That is what he lost with Michele and what he will need from you."

"Will it be enough?" Ryo sounded uncertain and couldn't look Mother Lane in the eyes. He couldn't even imagine what Dee had gone through. It seemed to Ryo that his lover's problems just kept building and building with no relief in sight.

Mother Lane grasped Ryo's chin and made him look her in the eye. "It was the first time."

"What do you mean?"

"Dee was a changed man after Michele left. He kept all of his relationships from then on casual; never investing too much time or feeling into any one given person. Every time he did come to visit with me he was with someone else. I only ever met a few of his partners, but the ones I did meet were always smaller than he was no matter the gender. I worried for him a great deal, nevertheless I could see he was so very afraid of getting hurt again. I was surprised when he brought you to visit for the first time. You were someone that could be his equal and I could already tell he was falling in love with, finally lowering his walls," Mother Lane finished.

"I heard Dee was a player from some on the guys from work, but I never would have guessed this was the reason," Ryo replied sadly, getting up and kneeing in front of Mother Lane. He grasped her hand tightly and continued. "I'll do my best to keep him as happy as he was before all of this. I promise."

Mother Lane smiled down softly at Ryo. She knew his promises were not made vainly and Randy would do his best. "That is all I can ask of you. Thank you my dear." Ryo stood up and slowly helped Mother Lane to stand as well, giving her a warm hug.

"Come on we better see what kind of trouble Dee has gotten into with the kids," Ryo told her kindly. They headed out the way Dee had gone and found the younger man lying in the grass with Clara. They both could hear the soft giggles from Clara drifting towards them, warming both their hearts. Mother Lane and Ryo headed towards the grass area to see what the two were actually doing.

Ryo hear Dee talking as they got closer to the pair. "That cannot be a donkey Clara it had to be a horse, look at the ears," Dee said while point up at some cloud that just looked like a misshaped blob from Ryo's angle.

"Hey guys what are you up to?" Ryo questioned, sitting down next to Dee.

Dee turned his head towards Ryo's voice. "Trying to figure out if that cloud is a donkey or a horse," Dee said still pointing that the weird looking cloud.

"Come on Weeyo you have to tell Dee that is looks like a donkey. For me pleeeaaasseee?" The girl was just too cute to resist when she begged like that and made the pouty face.

Ryo seemed to be taking a hard look at the cloud before answering. "Defiantly a donkey, gomen Dee."

"I just can't win today can I? First with the dinosaur then with the donkey, there is no hope." Ryo just laughed the comment. No one could ever win when it came to Clara she was just too cute to resist.

"Against her you haven't got a chance." Ryo stood up and offered a hand each to Dee and Clara. " But it is getting late and we have one more stop so we better get going." Ryo smiled when Clara latched onto Dee's leg and began begging for them not to go.

"Come on dear," Mother Lane said gently while trying to pry her from Dee's legs. "They will be back on Sunday." Mother Lane gave them both a look that said there was no room for argument.

"Right, see you both on Sunday," Ryo replied shakily. When it came to her children Mother Lane was extremely protective and at times like these it was best to just agree with her if you wanted to retain all of your limbs. Dee and Ryo gave Clara one last hug and exchanged goodbyes with Mother Lane before heading for the car.

There was a long silence between the men before Dee spoke up, about half way to central park.

"You know you were right about that visit, it really wasn't that bad. And I had a great time with Clara."

"She really is a joy, that is one of the main reasons I love going to visit Mother Lane with you." Ryo couldn't understand how the poor girl hadn't been adopted yet. With her personality and cherub face he was hard pressed to think of any parent's who would want her, but those thoughts were for another time.

They had just pulled into one of the many parking lots of central park and all Ryo had to worry about was finding a decent spot and not running someone over. He absolutely hated city driving and usually left it all up to Dee.

"Come on Dee let me give you the grand tour of some of central park. I couldn't imagine doing the whole thing in a few hours. Although we have found a few places we really enjoy. I thought I would take you there today." Ryo pulled the darker hair man along the path towards a pond they usually fed the ducks at in the summer.

"Oh so is this more of than familiar places and people junk?" Dee teased, allowing himself to be led.

When they finally got to the pond, Dee looked at it skeptically noticing it was very empty and still. "So what exactly am I suppose to looking at here, all I see is an empty pond."

"By next month it will be full of ducks. We come and fed them on the weekends (Yah yah I know your not suppose to do that but oh well my story my rules bwhahaha) and there is even this gimpy duck that you feel sorry for and give extra bread," Ryo prodded back. Dee just grimed back, looking rather amused at the whole situation.

"Oh stop laughing it is true, you even named the damn thing," Ryo tried again hoping Dee might actually take the experience more seriously. Considering he wasn't doing much better he wasn't one to talk.

"Yah and what did I name it Mr. Quakers?" Dee started laughing to himself, this was just too funny. What kind of guy names some wild duck; when he had still had his memories he must have been one insane guy.

Ryo snorted at the comment. "That is far more tact than you posses lover. Actually you named him Peg Leg the duck. I honestly feel sorry for the poor thing, missing a foot and just having a stump for a leg. Why don't we go sit down and stop talking about the poor duck for today." Ryo placed a had on the small of Dee's back and led him towards the familiar bench that held a lot of emotion for them both.

Ryo sat down with a heavy sigh glad to be off of his feet for a few minutes. Dee was just about to sit down when he grabbed the side of bench and got a glassy look in his eyes. Ryo noticed Dee's breathing had sped up and he looked pale. Before Ryo could even ask if the younger man was okay Dee spoke up.

"Something really important happened here, right?" Dee asked breathily.

"Yes, something did. Do you remember what it was?" Ryo stood up again and helped Dee sit down, who looked ready collapse. Ryo knew exactly what Dee was starting to remember and only hoped he could coax the full memory out.

"It wasn't warm like this, it was cold and snowing. I was sitting here waiting, for you I think…" Dee trailed off.

"Go on," Ryo urged, pulling Dee closer to him with an arm around his shoulders.

"I-I don't know the rest." Dee began to twist the second ring on his finger without realizing it, but Ryo did.

"Yes you do." Ryo said, trying to encourage Dee. "Look down, why are you twisting your ring like that?"

Dee looked down surprised at his actions and a soft look suddenly crossed Dee's face.

"You're right I do know. I was waiting for you… it was just before Christmas. You told me to meet you at our bench; you said you wanted to give me an earlier present. I remember feeling so warm, despite how cold it was, when I saw you coming. You told me you had to ask me something very important, got down on one knee and asked me to marry you. I am glad I was sitting down I think I almost passed out, I was feeling dizzy and elated at the same time. I think I jumped up and hugged you so tight you couldn't breath before saying yes." Ryo could see the emotions of the memory were overwhelming Dee as his eyes began to look misty.

"Do you remember anything else?" Ryo asked softly trying not to disturb the fragile moment.

"You put the ring on my finger and it felt good, it felt so right. God I was so happy, happy that you wanted to be with me forever because that is all I wanted…want."

"Well you've got me forever handsome," Ryo said tenderly running a smooth hand down his lover's cheek. Dee's still looked like he was off in another world and after a few moments turned slightly red.

"Kiss me," Dee asked quietly.

"What!" Saying Ryo was startled with that comment was an under statement. He hadn't been expecting anything like that for a very long time.

"Kiss me," Dee repeated. "I remember you kissed me after I said yes. I remember it but I want feel it again." Dee looked deeply into Ryo's eyes hoping the other man understood why he was asking. Dee wasn't even sure if he was ready for this but it was something he desperately wanted to experience, ready or not.

"Are you sure you want this? I don't want to force anything onto you right now," Ryo said hesitantly.

"I do, please Ryo don't make me ask again," Dee pleaded to the older man.

Ryo answered Dee not in words but with actions. Ryo cupped Dee's face lightly and turn his head so their foreheads were touching. Ryo tried to remember exactly how he had kissed Dee that night. Ryo rubbed his nose against Dee's softly before lowering his head and pressing a kiss to the other man's lips. Ryo ran his tongue along Dee's bottom lip gently and began to deepen the kiss when his lover's lips slowly parted. The older man tried to convey all of the emotions he felt when Dee said yes to his proposal in that one kiss.

After what seemed like a blissful eternity to Dee, Ryo broke away and gathered him in his arms, leaving Dee flushed and startled at the intense feeling in the kiss. Dee sighed at the warm feeling Ryo had created within him and laid his head on the sandy haired man's shoulder, relaxing into the embrace.

"Was that as good as the one you remembered?" Ryo murmured.

"Better," Dee breathed, sounding extremely content. Ryo shifted their position so they were lying against the bench, cuddling his lover close hoping they had taken a step in the right direction. The aura around the men was one of peace as the sun slowly began to slip behind the horizon, giving way to another night.

**qpqpqpqp**

Notes:

1. If anyone doesn't know who Aaron is you can find a complete bio of Dee's younger days at http / dee .baptism -of-blood .net /information .php ?bio (just remember to remove the spaces to get to the website. And if you have any problems you can e-mail and I will just send you the site)

2. Dee wasn't on probation for doing anything bad, if that was what most people thought. When you become an officer in the states you have to go through a mandatory probation period of 6 months to 3 three before you can be considered for a promotion, such as to detective.

I am sorry this took so long! I just finished my 2 weeks worth of finals on Thursday then had to pack up to come home on Saturday. Boy was I beat! Also there will not be another update for a couple of weeks because I am going on vacation this week! I doubt there will be a lot of computer access around but I will try and start the chapter. When I settle into a normal route updates with become regular again I promise. This chapter also took me a bit longer because I was trying to convey certain emotions they were giving me a hard time describing in a way that felt natural. Did I do a good job? Either way I would love to hear some feedback from you guys about this chapter! Thanks to everyone that has supported me by reviewing. Until next time…


	5. Chapter 5 Songbird

Author's Notes- I am very, very sorry that this chapter took so long to get up. I have been working constantly and fell into a rut. So now that I am rolling again, I hope things go a lot faster. The song I used for this chapter is called "Songbird" by Fleetwood Mac if you are interested in hearing it.

Thanks to everyone that reviewed - you made my day! . I would like to especially thank J-chan for being my creative editor person and Tohru-tan for being my grammar Nazi because, well, lets face it: I suck at it! And I could never forget ColeridgeFan, Kitty in the Box, and Monkey-fairy who have reviewed every single chapter. On with the show!

**Chapter 5- Songbird**

"I don't think I ever want to eat Chinese again," Dee moaned miserably into the toilet for the second time that night.

"You're just saying that because it is coming back out. I believe you loved it when it was going down," Ryo joked, rubbing soothing circles along Dee's back.

After coming home from the park, it was quite late, so Ryo had decided to order out. Bikky was complaining about how hungry he was, so Ryo thought it would be best to order something to keep the peace in the small apartment for another night. After a quick browsing of the takeout leaflets they had scattered around the house, everyone found something they wanted on the Chinese menu.

Unfortunately, the overly greasy Chinese food didn't seem to be sitting well in Dee's stomach when combined with his medication. This resulted in Dee hanging out in the bathroom for most of the night, feeling like someone was rearranging the shape of his stomach. Ryo should have guessed this would happen, knowing how Dee had been feeling the previous nights, and he felt terrible about causing the poor man more troubles. On the other hand, no matter what Ryo might have fed Dee, it might have ended up like this anyways; Ryo just couldn't win these days.

Dee groaned once more before slumping onto the wall to soak up the chill from the tiles. The coldness from the tiles felt soothing on Dee's burning skin, and he couldn't imagine moving from the spot for a very long time.

"Feel any better?" Ryo asked gently. Ryo wanted to make sure Dee was at least feeling slightly less nauseous before moving him back to the living room, which would certainly be more comfortable than sitting on the tiled floor for the rest of the evening. Ryo was worried about how sick Dee had been that evening, but he hoped there wouldn't be a larger problem as long as he kept him hydrated.

"No, I think I am dying," Dee mumbled into the wall.

"You're not dying," Ryo said, smiling softly at Dee's comment. 'Dee must be feeling better if he is actually speaking and not just lying there listlessly,' Ryo thought.

"Come on, why don't you go lie down for the rest of the evening. I bet the couch is a lot more comfortable than the floor," Ryo coaxed. Dee really did look like he was dying to Ryo; his skin had a sweaty sheen, and his usually olive cheeks had a pale, ashen tint to them.

"Yeah, sure," Dee murmured in response to Ryo's questions, and he slowly got to his feet with a great deal of help from Ryo. "Go ahead, Ryo, I'll meet you in the living room. I really need to brush my teeth."

Ryo gave Dee a quick peck on the forehead before heading out of the small bathroom. When Ryo came into the living room, Bikky was still playing a game that he had bought earlier that afternoon. Somehow, he had managed to finish all of his homework before the two men got home and had spent the rest of the evening brutally killing the strange characters in the game. Ryo could only look with disgust as Bikky's character lost its head and blood spurted from the stump of a body.

"Bikky, could we please watch some TV or something that doesn't included large amounts of blood and decapitation?" Ryo asked as he sat down on the couch settling into his well-used corner.

"Aw, come on Ryo, one more round! I seriously think I can beat this guy this time," Bikky begged.

"And how many times have you already tried to beat this guy tonight?" Ryo asked.

"I believe the 21st time will be the lucky one, don't you think?"

"I don't even want to comment on that. I think 20 times is good enough for one night, so turn it off." Bikky gave a defeated sighed, turned off the machine, and started to flip through the channels from his position on the floor.

Dee came into the living room just as Bikky finally decided on a show, still looking rather off color.

He sat down next to Ryo as close as he could get with out touching the other man. Ryo had begun to notice Dee sticking himself at Ryo's side since they shared that intimate moment at the park.

His younger lover would never actually initiate any contact but always reciprocated any touches Ryo offered. For Ryo, this was a positive sign, as Dee was beginning to warm up to him in small ways when he wasn't distressed.

But Ryo knew he still had to be careful with how much he offered. One push too hard and Dee wouldn't trust him anymore, but not enough might cause doubts in his already shaky partner. In the end, it came down to Ryo feeling slightly unsure of his actions. and he wasn't sure he would feel on solid ground again until Dee started to really push back.

"Dee," Ryo said in a soft tone, trying to get his lover's attention without startling him.

"Yeah?" Dee was still feeling out of sorts and was enjoying the soft sounds from the TV and the warmth radiating off of Ryo. He hoped Ryo didn't want him to move because he was content how he was.

"Do you think you could handle some more tea? I don't want you feeling worse because you're becoming dehydrated."

"I guess so," Dee replied sounding unsure of his answer.

Ryo sighed in relief; he was surprised Dee wasn't objecting to putting anything else in his already abused stomach.

"I'll be right back--" Ryo started, but before he could say anything else, Bikky cut him off.

"Don't worry about it, I'll get Dee some tea. I was going to get something to eat anyways. Do you want something too?"

"If you could get me a cup of tea too I would appreciate it. Don't worry about making the tea, I usually have just make one pot of Dee's tea." Bikky just nodded before heading off to the kitchen, leaving the two men alone once again.

"Do you feel up for a visit tomorrow?" Ryo asked breaking the silence.

"From who?" Dee inquired.

"Some of the guys at work called earlier wanting to see how you were doing. I thought it might be good for you to meet them again and get them off of my back for awhile," Ryo finished with a humorous smile.

"I had fun with the kids and Mother Lane today, so I guess it would be fine." Dee trusted Ryo's judgment, and if he thought it was okay, why should he debate over it and make things more complicated than they had to be? Ryo had yet to let him down, and as far as he knew, he didn't think that the sandy-haired man had ever let him down in their relationship.

"I think they will probably be stopping by early in the afternoon and try and pass it off as a lunch break. How well it will work is anyone's guess." Ryo laughed at his own comment. The guys were most likely going to be caught, but it was their own idea; Ryo had told them to wait for the weekend, but as tomorrow was Tuesday they thought it was way too long to wait until the weekend.

"They actually wanted to go for a drink, but I managed to talk them down to lunch because of your meds. Ever since Drake ended up with a dart in his thigh, I have been iffy about going drinking with them," Ryo ended warily.

"Sounds like an interesting group of guys," Dee replied.

"You don't know the half of it."

Bikky came back with his snack and tea for both of the men. They relaxed in a comfortable silence before it was finally time for bed. Bikky shut off the TV and began to shuffle off to his room to probably play some more video games on his hand held system when Ryo called to him.

"Don't stay up too late," Ryo told the teen firmly. "I will drag you out of bed for school tomorrow if I have to, but I would rather have a peaceful morning - unlike today, if you get my drift."

"Aye, Aye Captain," Bikky said sarcastically.

He almost told the pervert to keep his hands to himself as per their routine, but he caught himself. Instead, he just said goodnight and left for his room.

For Bikky, it was weird not seeing Dee jumping all over Ryo anymore. He was finally used to their antics and it was upsetting not seeing them act like lovers but more like friends. Bikky knew once Dee remembered more, things would get back to normal, and he, for one, couldn't wait for that to happen.

qpqpqpqp

When Ryo came back from the bathroom, Dee was spread out on the bed, face down. Ryo took the opportunity presented and sat down on the edge of the bed and began to rub his lover's back. Dee startled a bit when Ryo first touched him but melted into Ryo's soothing hands after a few moments. Dee groaned when Ryo hit a particularly tender spot.

"No wonder I married you," Dee groaned into the pillow again. "This feels so good."

"Why thank you, it is one of the better tricks in my arsenal." Ryo continued to rub the kinks in Dee's back until he could tell his lover was almost out for the count. Ryo clicked off the bedside lamp and crawled into his side of the bed. Ryo couldn't help but admire his partner's features highlighted by the soft light coming in from the window. Ryo ran a gentle hand down Dee's back, not being able to curb the desire to touch his well defined body. He rubbed a slight scar on Dee's shoulder that was always itchy according to his lover. When Dee moaned softly, still half asleep, Ryo jerked his hand away.

'What am I doing?' Ryo thought while his cheeks burned. 'I should have more control that this. I am not a horn dog like Dee, and I especially shouldn't be doing this while he is half asleep. God, what is my problem!'

Ryo was rather embarrassed; normally doing those kinds of things were not a problem, and it came as a second nature to both of the detectives. But with Dee unable to reciprocate his touches, it just wasn't right.

'Control,' Ryo thought. 'I must have self control.' It didn't get much easier when Dee rolled over on to his side and threw an arm over Ryo's waist. 'Control,' was the litany Ryo chanted until he finally fell asleep. It still didn't prevent Ryo from jerking off like a mad man in the shower the next morning before Dee woke up. .

qpqpqpqp

The afternoon came quickly, and before Ryo knew it, he heard the bell ring while he was preparing a light lunch for everyone. Ryo could see Dee sitting on the couch, reading a magazine he found on the coffee table after Ryo shooed him out of the kitchen. Seeing that Dee was overly engrossed in the magazine, he shouted at Dee to go answer the door, thinking nothing of it.

That was until he heard a very loud yell from Dee and a few bangs. Ryo rushed into the hall to find that Dee was down on the floor and pressed up against the wall with JJ holding out his hands in a non-aggressive gesture. Ryo should have know this would happen; JJ was always jumping onto Dee, trying to show his affections for the other man, which had changed more into friendly glomps when JJ had started dating Drake.

Ryo knelt down beside Dee and put a hand on his shoulder trying to get Dee to focus his attention on him and not the practically hysterical JJ who just kept repeating how sorry he was. When this still wasn't working Ryo grasped Dee's chin and turned his face towards him.

"Dee, look at me," Ryo said when he noticed Dee's eyes still looking off into the distance. "It is alright, JJ didn't mean to scare you, but sometimes he gets a little over-enthusiastic with his hello's."

Dee snapped out of whatever he was caught in and ran a hand through his hair looking rather sheepish about the whole thing.

"Are you alright?" Ryo asked while helping the other man to his feet.

"I'm fine, it was nothing," Dee mumbled back.

"It was not 'nothing'," Ryo countered putting a hand on Dee's shoulder.

Dee just shook Ryo's hand off as soon as he felt it. "I said it was nothing. Drop it," Dee said coldly giving Ryo a hard look before stalking off into the living room. This surprised the other detectives because they have never seen Dee talk like that to Ryo.

"What the hell crawled up his ass?" JJ asked.

"I wish I could tell you. Dee has been all over the place since he came home. One minute he is confused, and the next he might be angry with himself for not being able to remember something. I think a memory is bothering him, but he can only remember small flashes or feelings, which I think are just making it worse. All I can say is that he just needs time," Ryo trailed off.

The tension in the doorway was thick with each of the men wondering what to say next. Things had changed so much for all of them over the last few days, leaving each with his concerns about the dark haired detective currently brooding in the next room. The only one brave enough to break the silence was Drake, who always seemed to have more tact in tense situations.

"Come on, guys, let's make the most of this and enjoy Ryo's cooking skills, because I know I only eat this well when we come for dinner. Besides, we better get a move on before the chief catches us and gives us extra shifts as punishment. Come on, troops, march!"

Drake marched off into the living room with only Ted and Marty following him. Ryo was about to follow the congregation when he noticed the JJ was still hanging back, looking apprehensively at the hallway leading to the living room.

"You know it wasn't your fault," Ryo started gently.

"I should have known better. The guy can't even remember who he is and all I can do is jump all over him like nothing is wrong," JJ said blowing lilac strands out of his eyes, seeming entirely exasperated with himself.

"Who's to say you should have?" Ryo replied. "It's not like I haven't scared him or pissed him off myself over the last few days. You'll never being able to predict everything that will stir a flash of a memory. Besides, he gets over it faster than you can blink most times, so just ignore it. He'll sort things out eventually, and in the mean time, don't feel bad about things you can't control, okay?"

"How do you always know the right thing to say?"

"I don't, but when you have a kid, you learn how to read people better." Ryo gave JJ another smile and ushered the younger detective towards the kitchen. Despite having breakfast earlier in the day, Ryo was rather hungry, and he hoped those pigs had left something for himself and JJ.

When Ryo came into the kitchen, he was pleasantly surprised to see a plate set out for him, and he noticed JJ was already devouring the portion that had been left for him.

As Ryo was grabbing his plate, he could feel two eyes staring into his back from the table. Ryo tilted his head slightly to catch the reflection from the kitchen window and saw Dee staring at his back intently. As far as Ryo could guess, Dee was probably feeling a bit insecure and guilty about his outburst from a few moments ago, but when Ryo turned around to get a better look at his lover's expression Dee's eyes were already focused on his meal again.

"I am sure these 3 loonies have already introduced themselves while I was talking to JJ, right Dee?" Ryo said breaking the short silence that encompassed the kitchen. Dee made a bit of a face when he said this before replying.

"Yeah, they have, and they told me some pretty weird stories. I can honestly say I am not sure if I should be running for the hills right now or staying safe here." The three men just snickered at the comment, making Ryo wonder what the hell they had said to Dee.

Deciding it was better just to leave it alone, Ryo thought he better steer the conversation in a safer direction.

"I guess I should properly introduce JJ to you, now that he isn't jumping all over you." Ryo heard a few more snickers from the peanut gallery and just shot the men a dirty look before continuing.

"As I was saying, Dee, this is Jemmy J. Adams." JJ stuck his hand across the table and Dee reluctantly placed his hand in the other's tight grip before pulling his hand away like he had been burned.

"You shot me," Dee stated bluntly with a note of disbelief in his voice.

"I don't know what you are talking about," JJ replied, sounding slightly panicked.

"I don't know when or where, but I do know you shot me," Dee said firmly before looking at Ryo expecting some answers.

"Don't look at me, I haven't heard about this one before," Ryo replied, giving JJ a hard look. This was not something he ever expected to hear out of Dee's mouth. He was certainly wondering what the answer to Dee's question was; when and where did this happen?

Before JJ could get another word out the other men begun to chant, "Spill, spill, spill!" so loudly that JJ was hoping a neighbor might complain so he could get out of this one. When the guys didn't stop, JJ finally caved in.

"Fine, fine, I'll tell you, just shut up!" JJ shouted over the noise.

"Dee and I had just graduated from the academy, and we went out into the bush to party and shoot a few cans with our newly issued guns. We brought our own rounds so we could get away with blowing away as much shit as we wanted and not get caught. We got rip roaring drunk and starting blow a few cans off of a fence. I know it sounds stupid but it seemed like a great idea at the time."

"Sounds like an accident waiting to happen," Ryo interrupted crossly. He couldn't believe Dee could have been so stupid. 'Never mind, scratch that last thought – something like that is almost seemed expected of Dee,' Ryo thought sourly.

"Anyways, Dee started acting like a complete ass and I thought I might fire a few warning shots to shut him up, but I guess my aim was a little off in my state of mind. And it's not like it was serious or anything, just a bit of freezing and a few stitches and he was fine," JJ finished hastily.

"So where did you hit him anyway?" Drake asked. "I don't remember seeing any large scars on Dee before. There is a scar on his shoulder, but I thought that was a knife." Dee turned bright red after hearing Drake's questions. Unfortunately for Dee, Drake noticed the man's sudden color change and got a craftily gleam in his eyes.

"Come on JJ, tell me or you're not getting any for a month," Drake said triumphantly, knowing he had won the battle as JJ looked panicked and Dee pushed the heels of his palms into his eyes.

JJ muttered something that sounded distinctly like 'the mash,' which of course wouldn't do for information purposes. "Come on, lovely, we are all waiting," Drake snickered.

"The ass alright! I shot him in the ass!" JJ yelled abruptly before turning red. Not a sound was to be heard in the kitchen until the thunk of Dee's head hitting the table set the other detective off howling. Ryo looked rather amused with the answer.

"I always wondered what left that scar, but the most I could get was that you sat on a nail, which I didn't believe for a second," Ryo said giving his partner a soft smile who looked about ready to sink ten feet into the ground. The guys stayed for about another hour, which proved to be far less embarrassing than the previous hour, but of course, not too tame either.

**qpqpqpqp**

"I'm really sorry Ryo! I didn't mean to step on you again," Dee said remorsefully as Ryo was guiding him through a simple waltz they had learned last year.

It was a trade off for them when Ryo finally got Dee into taking some dance lessons that reminded him so much of the times he spent with his mother. In exchange' Dee had Ryo join him in a kickboxing class for a few months. Dee had slowly built up some grace and confidence in a few of the dances they had learned, which Ryo noted had all but disappeared as Dee stepped on his foot again.

"Sorry!" Ryo winced slightly as he limped over to change the music hoping to find a better way to pull this off.

"It's okay, but I think we are going to try something else." Ryo flipped through a few CDs before finding the right one and popping it in and choosing a softer song. Dee heard a soothing piano melody begin with the first few lines before Ryo beckoned him over.

_For you, there'll be no more crying,  
_

"Come here, you big lug, lets try this again," Ryo said warmly take hold of Dee's hand when he got close enough and placing it around his neck.

_For you, the sun will be shining,  
_

"Now, close your eyes and let me lead you." Dee blew out a shaky breath and let Ryo guide him slowly, hesitantly just like he had over the last few days.

_And I feel that when I'm with you,  
_

"You know, I don't bite, you can come a little closer," Ryo whispered into Dee's ear, noticing that the younger man had left a rather sizable gap between them.

_It's alright, I know it's right_

Dee shuffled much closer to the sandy-haired man and tightened his grip, resting his chin softly against Ryo's shoulder.

_To you, I'll give the world  
_

"Much better," Ryo sighed, running soothing fingers down Dee's back.

_To you, I'll never be cold  
_

"I just remembered something about you," Dee murmured into Ryo's shoulder.

'_cause I feel that when I'm with you,_

_It's alright, I know it's right_._  
_

"Oh? What is it?" Ryo asked, turning his head slightly to see Dee's face. Ryo was extremely surprised that Dee was in the mood for sharing, as he had been acting tight-lipped since JJ had scared him earlier that day.

_And the songbirds are singing,  
Like they know the score,_

"Your favourite ice cream is vanilla because it's sweet enough to be eaten by itself, but simple enough that you can add something to make it a different ice cream everyday."

_  
And I love you, I love you, I love you,  
Like never before.  
_

Ryo was astonished that Dee had remembered something so insignificant that he had said in passing when they were going for an ice cream cone at least two years ago.

_And I wish you all the love in the world,  
_

When Ryo didn't say anything, Dee spoke up again. "I know it's a silly thing to remember, but it's all I have."

_But most of all, I wish it from myself._

"It's not silly! I think it is rather sweet." Dee couldn't help but snort at Ryo's unintended pun. "Oh stop laughing, you ass, it wasn't supposed to be funny," Ryo said smiling at his partner's antics.

_  
And the songbirds keep singing,_  
_Like they know the score,_

"Even if you think it's funny, I still think it's as sweet as vanilla ice cream, in fact."

"Now you're just being silly," Dee retorted.

"You can be such a cheeky bastard sometimes, but I love you nonetheless," Ryo put a soft hand on Dee's cheek, running the pad of his thumb over the silky skin.

"You do?" Dee questioned hesitantly breathing in Ryo's warm scent.

"I do," Ryo said, looking deeply in to Dee's bottomless emerald eyes.

_  
And I love you, I love you, I love you,_

The moment surrounded the couple and Ryo couldn't help but tilt his head up slightly before capturing Dee's lip in a soft, lingering kiss, full of the affection and warmth he had for the taller man.

_  
Like never before, like never before._

The kiss didn't stay soft and chaste for long before turning fiery as Dee began to respond more passionately. The music drifted in the back ground as the two men lost themselves in each other.

Ryo's brain was quickly shutting down, and all thoughts of keeping things smoldering instead of burning left Ryo the instant Dee ghosted a hand down his side.

Ryo slid a leg between Dee's thighs and started to back the dark hair man towards the closest flat surface, being the wall. Ryo wanted nothing more than to press himself against the taller man and kiss him until his head spun.

Dee didn't show any resistance to the slow move and gave a soft grunt when his back came in contact with the wall. Dee moved his arms back around Ryo's neck and began to play with the baby fine hairs littered on Ryo's nape as his partner began to work on his throat.

Dee was enjoying himself immensely until Ryo pressed himself against Dee and nipped at his ear. Dee froze as an image of someone else pushing him into a wall and roughly squeezing his wrists flickered across his vision.

Ryo went from full out ravishing his partner to having his ass connected to the floor as Dee forcefully shoved him out of his personal space. The harsh impact snapped Ryo out of the haze he was in. When Ryo looked up at Dee leaning against the wall with his chest heaving, he knew he had screwed up.

If he was lucky, Dee hadn't lost all of the trust they had built up over the last few days. 'I am a complete idiot,' Ryo thought sourly.

As Ryo got up slowly from the floor, he took good look at Dee and saw that he was clutching his forehead and looking extremely distressed.

"Shit, Dee, I'm really sorry," Ryo said in soft tones, trying not to startle the brunette further. "It was too fast, I know. I don't know what got into me. I guess I just miss being with you."

"It wasn't that," Dee said resting heavily into the wall, wishing Ryo would come a little closer so he could get into his husband's arms and off of the damn wall. "I was fine, enjoying myself until I-I…"

"You remembered something didn't you?" Ryo moved closer to Dee, allowing the other man to step into his embrace.

Dee nodded as he locked his arms around Ryo's back and pressing his face into Ryo's throat.

"Something unpleasant?" Ryo questioned again feeling another nod from Dee. "Do you want to tell me about it?" A shake this time from his lover fueled Ryo's growing concerns.

"Dee, you can't keep bottling this up, you have to tell me. I know you have been having flashes of unpleasant things and not telling me about them, and I have left it alone until now, but this is where I need to draw the line for your sake," Ryo said firmly.

Dee finally poked his head out from Ryo's throat looking tired and drawn. "Later, I promise, just not now. My head is killing me," Dee pleaded, sagging against Ryo.

Noticing Dee wincing slightly with his brow creasing painfully, Ryo was about to suggest Dee go lie down when Bikky came out of his room from fresh from finishing his homework. Dee didn't even move away from Ryo like he had expected, but just tightened his grasp, pressing his face more firmly into Ryo's throat.

"If you two want to shag like bunnies, do it in your own room, other people live here too," Bikky said rather rudely, obviously grumpy from being shut in his room for a good two hours.

"Now is not the time," Ryo snapped. "Go get a cool cloth for Dee and some Advil, I am taking him to lie down."

Bikky was taken aback from Ryo's harsh tone and hurried off to the bathroom wondering what the hell was going on.

When he came into his Dad's room he saw Dee on his side facing the door with Ryo running a hand down his arm. Dee's face looked pinched like he had one killer of a headache.

Bikky decided it would be better to ask questions later and dropped off the cloth and drugs, making a hasty retreat back to his room.

"Dee, I am going to sit you up for a minute," Ryo said in low tones helping the other man into a shaky, upright position. Ryo handed over the Advil and a glass of water that Bikky had brought.

Ryo was glad he had asked Dr. Linden about mixing medications because he honestly didn't know what he would do with Dee if he couldn't have even taken a painkiller.

Dee swallowed the pill quickly before wincing again and lying down on his back.

Ryo ran a hand through Dee's hair, rubbing at his temple gently, trying to ease some of the ache before he placed the cool cloth over Dee's eyes and forehead.

"I want you to try and get some sleep, okay?" Ryo ordered gently. "I'll stay with you until you fall asleep, then I need to go talk with Bikky; I think we both let our tempers get out of hand."

Dee let out an affirmative mumble, already starting to nod off with the help of the cool cloth. Ryo began to thread fingers through Dee's hair again until his noticed his partner's breath evening out with sleep.

On his way to Bikky's room, Ryo could only think about the splinter of memory Dee had seen. It worried Ryo beyond belief about what Dee could be remembering, because he had no clue what it could be.

'What is haunting you, Dee?' Ryo thought sadly knocking on Bikky's door.

**qpqpqpqp**

Thanks for reading and keep leaving me those wonderful reviews!


	6. Chapter 6 Knock out

Howdy! Finally, another chapter all done! Thing just seem to continue to be hectic. I got into business, so there is a lot more course work than I'm used to! But I love it nonetheless. This chapter was also greatly delayed because I actually got inspired to begin one of the heavier and more time consuming chapters of this story where basically the cat finally comes out of the bag! 

Thank you again to everyone that reviewed and gave me a few pokes here and there. Especially Irishlefay who gave me a few things to work on! I know I kinda stretched the whole amnesia thing, but hey, I claim author license. A few things are coming that might clear a bit of the stretches out but that is for another chapter! Thanks again to Torhu-tan and J-chan for help with this production. NOW go read!

Chapter 6 

"Stupid jerk," Bikky muttered to himself as he tossed a tennis ball against his bed frame. Saying he was pissed was an understatement. He was bloody infuriated! How could Ryo be such a jerk to him over nothing! It wasn't like he hasn't said stuff like that before. He couldn't understand why Ryo had almost taken his head off and then had the nerve to order him around like some slave.

"Go get some Advil, go get some water," Bikky mimicked sarcastically throwing the ball harder each time he thought about the situation more.

Bikky nearly took out his lamp when he heard a timid knock at his door, disrupting his pattern of curing Ryo then whipping his ball.

Bikky just ignored the noise and went back to throwing. When he heard the knock again, more firmly this time, he just snagged his mp3 player off of his desk and cranked the volume.

After a few minutes he thought Ryo had finally taken the hint and left. That was until his adoptive father snatched the headphones right off of his head.

Bikky whipped his head around painfully and came face to face with a very displeased guardian.

"I don't remember saying you could come in," Bikky started snidely, turning back towards the far wall, completely ignoring Ryo.

"Well, I wanted to talk to you, and when I knocked you didn't answer," Ryo replied trying to keep his temper in check.

"And you missed the hint to bugger off how?" Bikky tossed the ball against the bed again making Ryo wince at the harsh bang.

"Come on Bikky, I am trying here, would you just look at me?"

BANG.

"Fine, I'll just talk and you can listen."

BANG.

"Could you please stop that for a minute?" Ryo asked tightly, pinching the bridge of his nose in aggravation.

BANG.

The last sound of the ball hitting the wood caused Ryo to snap. Faster than Bikky could blink Ryo grabbed his ball and threw it out of his bedroom door with such a force it just keep sailing when it reached the open balcony door.

"Dude… Where did you learn to throw like that?" Bikky asked with wide eyes.

"Varsity softball in college," Ryo replied a bit shocked. He couldn't believe he just threw Bikky's tennis ball clear out the apartment; he must be more stressed than he thought.

"Gomen Bikky," Ryo said tiredly, sitting down heavily on the edge of Bikky's bed.

Bikky was rather amazed that for once Ryo acted rather than just confronting him verbally until he finally listened.

"No sweat. I was kinda being a brat, wasn't I?" Bikky sat down beside Ryo, jamming his hands in his pockets.

"Yeah, but I was being a jerk too. Even?" Ryo offered.

"Even," Bikky confirmed. "So, you wanna tell me what's going on?"

"Dee was having a bad time of itjust as you came out," Ryo tried explaining.

"When isn't he having a bad go of it? I am starting to wonder if he will ever catch a break," Bikky began digging his toes into the carpet.

"I wonder the same thing too. It just seems like every time he is starting to get a handle on things something new catches him off guard," Ryo trailed off sighing deeply.

"You worried about him, then?" Bikky questioned softly, getting a better picture of why Ryo was so stressed lately.

Ryo clasped his hands between his knees and looked at the floor before replying. "Hai, I am. Dee is so lost and confused and he needs me so badly right now. And I've never…"

"Never what?" Bikky looked at Ryo, hoping his dad thought he was old enough to share his problems with him and lessen some of his worries.

"I really shouldn't be troubling you with this," Ryo finished tiredly.

"You can and you should. How the heck can you do anything for Dee if you're burned out too?" When Ryo gave Bikky a skeptical look Bikky knew he just had to push a little harder and Ryo would crack like a dam.

"You can trust me you know. I wouldn't tell anyone, not even Cal." Bikky scooted closer to his dad allowing Ryo to put an arm around his shoulder.

"Fine, but this is very private, and if I find out you have told anyone or harassed Dee in the slightest about, it's game over, got it?" Ryo said firmly, hopeful Bikky had understood the seriousness of what he was about to tell him.

"Gotcha." Bikky turned his head slightly and smiled at Ryo.

"By now, you have probably guessed that Dee isn't the most open or emotional person." Bikky gave Ryo an odd look when Ryo said Dee wasn't very emotional; he had seen Dee angry and sulking and a whole host of other things.

"Okay, from your look I think I might have to rephrase that. What I meant was that Dee isn't very open with emotions that make him seem vulnerable. Can you honestly say you have ever seen Dee acting like this?"

"Can't say that I have. Have you ever seen him like this before?" Bikky asked searching Ryo eyes for an answer.

"Only once. Do you remember when Mother Lane was hurt a few years back?" Ryo started.

"Yeah, that was the same day you caught my teaching the troops the 5 finger discount."

Ryo smiled softly at the memory. In a lot of way Bikky had grown up so much since then. Though he couldn't exactly say that Bikky still didn't do stupid things, those things were happening less and less.

"He wasn't even this bad then, more withdrawn if anything," Ryo gave Bikky another squeeze. "I have never exactly been the one taking care of everything in this relationship. In the beginning, Dee took most of the initiative then things evened out. Dee has never needed this much reassurance or encouragement about anything. He has never leaned on me so heavily, and I don't really know how to handle things."

"It's like his personality has taken a complete 180. No wonder you have no clue what to do with him. Not saying you've done a bad job. From as far as I can tell I think he would rather be with you more than anyone else."

"He still won't tell me everything he is remembering. He can't deal with it on his own, but he still won't tell and I don't understand why," Ryo replied, sounding more frustrated.

"Got me, I don't think I ever got what's going on in his head."

"And neither does he anymore, and that is what worries me. Some of the things he has told me even I wouldn't want to remember. He has been burned so many times I am surprised he even bothered with me when we first met," Ryo finished quietly.

"Sounds like he has had a pretty raw deal. Why hasn't he ever told me any of this?" Bikky would never admit it but he was a bit hurt that Dee had never told him anything about when he was a kid.

"Like I said, he is a very private person, and knowing him, he probably thinks you wouldn't care all that much. Not to say that you wouldn't," Ryo corrected hastily.

"Well, I would. I wish he would get it into this thick skull that I actually like him. I just tease him 'cause he is easy."

"I'm not the one you should be telling this," Ryo replied, feeling good that Bikky could admit he liked Dee. For a long time Ryo thought he and Dee couldn't make a go of it because it seemed Bikky was dead set about the younger man being a part of their family. When Ryo had talked to him about it, Bikky surprised him when he said Ryo could do whatever he wanted as long as the "perv" treated him right.

"I know. I just wish I knew more about him. Like what do you mean when you say things were hard for him?"

"This does not leave this room, alright?" Ryo stopped for just a moment waiting for Bikky to give him some sort of confirmation, which came in a nod. "I am sure you've gathered by now that Dee grew up in an orphanage. It's hard growing up that way. With an environment like that, people were constantly coming and going in Dee's life. The only stability he had was Mother Lane, and she still had 30 odd children to take care of too."

"But I thought Dee had a few friends that lived at the orphanage too. And sometimes Dee mentions a man named Jess, who was he?" Bikky interrupted.

"Jess was the one that found Dee and brought him to Mother Lane and he did have a few friends, but you have to understand people grow apart and move on." Ryo shifted nervously when he said that, hoping Bikky wouldn't catch on that there was more to the story.

"They didn't just leave did they?" Bikky questioned softly catching Ryo's drift. "They died…"

Ryo sighed heavily before responding. "Yes… Things on the street are hard and very few people push past that point. Are you starting to understand why Dee would rather keep these things to himself?"

"I guess so, but there is one more thing I wanted to ask you." Bikky gave Ryo a hesitant look before continuing. "I know you're not the first person Dee has had a relationship with, so what happened to all of those people? Didn't even one of them hang around for awhile?"

Ryo couldn't decide if he wanted to tell Bikky about this part of his husband's life because even what he knew was sketchy at best.

"I honestly don't know much about Dee's past relationships. He did have one long term one and it ended badly. I really don't think I can tell you anything else about it. I don't mean to brush you off, but it's not something Dee told me. I found out purely by accident," Ryo bit his lip worriedly when he finished. Maybe he shouldn't have just told Bikky that last part, but Dee's hidden relationship with Michele was still bothering him, and he really didn't have anyone else he trusted enough to talk to about it.

"I understand, I really do. You don't have to worry, none of this will ever leave this room. But I might still ask Dee the same questions I asked you when he gets his memory back, is that okay?"

"Yes, I think he might like it, just don't ask him about his relationships. Not even I have pried there yet. Thanks for listening sport. I appreciate you acting so mature these last few days, you have helped more that you can imagine." Ryo smiled down at Bikky, happy to have someone to talk to.

Bikky yawned and leaned his head against Ryo's shoulder. He liked talking to his dad like this, adult to adult, but it was getting late even for him.

"I guess we're both worn out and ready for bed. Come, let's go brush our teeth." Ryo gave Bikky a full hug before sending him off. Ryo packed up Bikky's school bag and checked his homework before setting off for bed as well.

When Ryo finally made it to his bedroom, he was surprised to still find Dee awake and reading a book he picked up off of the bedside table.

"I thought you were going to get some sleep," Ryo said as he sat down beside his partner.

Dee didn't even look up and just shrugged. "I woke up."

"How long have you been up?"

"Don't know, maybe 15 minutes." Dee marked his place and tossed the book back onto the nightstand, knowing Ryo wouldn't leave him alone until he at least lied down.

"How long were you gone?"

"Only half and hour," Ryo said unhappily. Ryo decided to wait for Dee's next move. He wasn't happy that Dee had woken up and didn't seem to be willing to go back to bed but it was up to his lover.

If there was one thing he learned about Dee over their years together his husband never did things half way. It was either going to be a proverbial screw off or if Ryo played his cards right Dee would lie down and probably fall asleep quickly.

Ryo was quite pleased when Dee leaned tiredly against him puffing out a heavy breath. "Not tired," Dee mumbled sounding rather grumpy.

"Well I am. Will you lie down with me for awhile and if you're still not tired you can go watch TV?" Ryo said in a comforting tone, trying to further coax Dee to bed.

The younger man gave Ryo an unsure look before nodding. He probably knew Ryo was tricking him into it, but if he wasn't going to say anything, it was too damn bad. Sometimes when it came to Dee Ryo had to play slightly sneaky.

"Let me just change, I hate falling asleep in my jeans." Ryo quickly changed into a comfy pair of pajama pants and a white muscle shirt. Ryo defiantly noticed Dee's eyes on him the whole time he was changing, but decided to ignore the stare for now.

Ryo made his way to the edge of the bed again and started to lift the covers, hoping Dee would get the message and shove over.

Instead, Dee gave him an annoyed look. "This is my side," Dee said firmly. "I am not moving."

"Dee, we are not playing this game tonight. Please just move so I don't have to crawl over you."

"No."

'_Fine Dee, you want to play dirty, I can play your game too.'_

Ryo sat down on the edge of the bed, leaned over and gave Dee a few butterfly kisses along his jaw before asking his question again. When this still didn't do the trick, Ryo decided to go for the more sensitive area of Dee's neck.

A few well placed nips already had his dark haired lover's breathing speeding up into heavy pants.

"Please," Ryo said sweetly again.

"Nnn…. No." Dee's voice was being to waver and Ryo knew he was close.

Ryo moved his ministrations down to Dee's shoulder and bit softly before moving back up to the younger man's neck, forming a slight suction. Ryo finally made his way to Dee's lips and started with soft kisses as he pushed lightly on Dee's toned chest.

Dee started moving slowly as the kisses began to deepen and the pressure on his chest continued. Dee was quickly losing himself in Ryo and didn't even realize when he was being pushed further and further from the edge of the bed.

The dark haired detective barely noticed the change in pressure from his chest to his hip when Ryo started to lay down, pulling Dee onto his side. Ryo backed off slowly, giving Dee a few more of the light pecks he started with and rubbing his foot over top of Dee's before reaching over and turning off the light.

"Oyasumi Dee," Ryo said tenderly, cuddling close to his partner. Ryo felt Dee settle down after a few moments, completely oblivious to being tricked. The older man was quite pleased with himself for being so crafty.

His pleasure was short lived when Dee startled him out of a light sleep with an indignant exclamation.

"Hey!"

"What is it babe," Ryo asked, half asleep.

"You tricked me," was the curt reply.

"All's fair in love and war. Now go to sleep."

Dee gave a defeated sigh, realizing he had already lost his battle. Over the last few days, Dee had learned sometimes it was easier to just listen to the blond because Dee found himself rarely coming out on top. Dee finally gave into Ryo's heat and curled in a little tighter before falling asleep for the remainder of the night.

**qpqpqpqp**

"Get up, Dee, this is the last time I'm asking nicely." It was only 8 AM, and Ryo was already annoyed. Bikky had missed his bus, causing Ryo to have to start their day a good 2 hours earlier than he had planned.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," Dee muttered, obviously still half asleep and not moving an inch.

"That is exactly what you said 10 minutes ago. Now move it!" Dee continued the process of trying to wake up and actually set a foot out of bed as Ryo left to finish making breakfast.

Dee finally dragged himself to the kitchen, working more on autopilot than anything. The dark haired man was not a morning person in the least and could only partially function if provided with, at minimum, two cups of coffee.

Dee plunked himself down in his chair and quickly laid his head down on the table, fully preparing to catch a few more minutes of sleep. Dee was just starting to nod off again when he felt Ryo drape an arm around his shoulder and place a hot mug beside his cheek.

"Here, drink your coffee, you might just wake up a little," Ryo said while rubbing Dee's shoulder. "And for the love of God, do not fall asleep again, okay?"

"Kay," Dee mumbled around the rim of his mug, taking a deep gulp. "Why are we leaving so early again?"

"Because Bikky missed his bus," Ryo said, rather ticked with the teen. Was it too much to ask for Bikky to get dressed and eat his breakfast in a reasonable amount of time to catch his bus?

"Missed his bus?" Dee said thinking the comment sounded strange. "I'm not sure if I am making things up, but I thought he was close enough to walk to school."

"He is, but usually he takes the bus in the morning so he can sleep in later. Unfortunately for me, when he misses the bus, it is too late for him to walk to school and not miss most of his first class, so we end up having to drive him." Ryo gave Dee a peck on the temple before heading out to find Bikky and make sure the teen was ready to leave.

A few minutes later, Dee heard Ryo yell down the hall that is was time to go. By the time Dee had made it to the hall entrance, Ryo already had his coat and shoes on.

"Do you have your wallet love?" Ryo asked, quickly passing Dee his coat.

"Yeah." Dee double-checked his back pocket just to make sure he hadn't left it on the dresser.

"Here," Ryo said passing Dee his ID and badge. "We have go to the station today so I can drop off this paper work."

"Do I get my gun back?" Dee asked hopefully. Ryo just snorted in reply.

"You're joking right? I really don't need you ending up looking like Swiss cheese."

"Well, it never hurts to try."

"Because I am so sure it didn't hurt to get shot in the butt," Ryo said dryly poking his partner right where his scar was. Dee jumped and made a small yelp.

"Cute. Bikky, let's go!" Ryo yelled down the hall. Bikky came rushing out of his room with a piece of toast still dangling in between his teeth.

"Ready," Bikky mumbled around his toast.

Everyone piled out of the apartment and into the car. The ride to Bikky's school was short, and before Dee knew it, Ryo and Bikky were already getting out of the car.

"You coming, Dee? I have to sign Bikky in so he doesn't get detention again for being late," Ryo asked, popping his head back into the car.

"Why do you have to go in? Can't you just write him a note?" Dee inquired, hoping that he wouldn't have to go into that building. It really gave him the creeps for some reason.

"Two years ago I would have." Ryo shot Bikky a dirty look before continuing. "But Bikky decided it would be fun to write around fifty fake notes. How many times did you go to the optometrist that one week?" Bikky just laughed tightly in reply.

"The sad thing is the only reason he got caught was because he misspelled proctologist, which makes me wonder about the educational system. Didn't they ever stop to think that a 13-year old boy isn't due for that kind of check up for a few decades at least? Now every time he comes in late or has to leave the school grounds, I have to sign him in or out."

"Well, I never did it again," Bikky said trying to sound positive.

"Not like you would get away with it again. Anyways, do you want to come in Dee?" Ryo asked again.

Dee looked to be thinking about whether he should come for a few moments before nodding and getting out of the car.

When Dee got close enough to Ryo, he immediately latched onto Ryo's hand, already losing some of the confidence he had built up over the last few days.

The slight pressure in Ryo's hand alerted him the Dee was already feeling uncomfortable and unsure of himself. Ryo had made note of Dee's progress over the last few days, and now and then he could see snippets of his Dee coming through. But right now the man that was holding his hand was not his Dee, but the shy man that came home with him from the hospital.

"Come on Dee, you're all right," Ryo said softly so Bikky couldn't hear. When they entered the school, the halls were empty, since classes had already started for the day. The main office was mostly empty as well except for the head secretary, who Ryo knew quite well.

"Late again, I see," Mrs. Burry tisked upon seeing Bikky entering the office with his guardians.

"Hey, it wasn't my fault this time," Bikky countered, jamming his hands into his pockets.

"Right, and I suppose the dog ate your alarm clock. Just sign here, Randy," Mrs. Burry said, passing the sign in sheet over the sandy haired man.

"Good morning Dee, how are you today?" Mrs. Burry asked kindly.

Dee was startled when the young women addressed him by his first name, meaning he would have to reply instead of Ryo.

"Fine, thank you," Dee responded nervously. Ryo handed the sign in sheet back and took a hold of his husband's hand again, trying to ease some of his discomfort.

"Bikky, you can head off to class now, and I hope this is going to be your only tardy for this month. Your fathers don't have time to sign you in everyday, and I know how much you love detention," Mrs. Burry finished firmly. For a young, petite woman, she could be really menacing sometimes.

"Yes Ma'am," Bikky said before taking off to his first class. Just as Ryo was about to say goodbye to Mrs. Burry, Principal Shaffer stuck his head out of his office door.

"I thought I heard you gentlemen out there," Principal Shaffer said giving the two men a welcoming smile

"Oh, good morning Principal Shaffer," Ryo greeted.

"I was hoping to borrow a few minutes of your time before you both have to head off to work. I just wanted to discuss career day with you again. I have a few more details than last month."

"Of course, we have a few minutes. I am actually glad you brought it up, because I had honestly forgotten about it until now," Ryo replied, pulling Dee towards Principal Shaffer's office. Ryo didn't get far before he noticed that Dee wasn't moving with him.

"Can you give us just a moment, Principal Shaffer?" Ryo asked, hoping he could get this resolved quickly.

Principal Shaffer gave each man a brief look before nodding, sensing the tension around the pair.

"Of course. I'll just start a pot of coffee." Principal Shaffer made a hasty exit to his office.

"Dee, what's that matter?" Ryo asked gently when Principal Shaffer disappeared into his office.

"Can I just go wait in the car please?" Dee replied, ignoring Ryo's question.

"You can if you want, but I would like to know why." Ryo had had enough of Dee shutting him out when he was uncomfortable.

"It's nothing, really; I just would rather wait in the car." Dee began to pull his hand out of Ryo's before he felt the grip tighten around his hand.

"You're doing it again," Ryo said crossly.

"What?" Ryo couldn't believe Dee had the nerve to ask him what. If Dee had all of his memories right now Ryo would have throttled him.

"You know what! You are shutting me out."

"Alright, alright," Dee conceded. "I just don't want to be in there with him when I don't remember who he is. He is going to pick up on something being amiss, then he is going to ask questions that I would rather not deal with, okay?"

Dee was grateful that Ryo seemed pleased with his answer as the sandy haired man dug out the car keys and released his grip on Dee's hand.

"Don't think I am done with you yet," Ryo said before walking into Principal Shaffer's office. The darker haired man just sighed in reply before heading out to the parking lot.

When Dee finally got into the car he slumped into his seat, wishing the day was over and not just beginning. He felt like he had just screwed up with Ryo again. Why didn't he just tell Ryo why he wanted to leave, it wasn't like it was a massive deal.

Dee couldn't understand where this need to hide everything had come from. He assumed it was probably just a part of his personality he got from going up in an orphanage. From what Dee could tell, he hadn't exactly been the angelic type growing up.

'I was probably the type of kid who knocked over the local convenience store and graduated by the skin of my teeth. I honestly have no clue how I ended up as a cop. It's a wonder I didn't end up in juvie for most of my youth. Well, as far as I know, I wasn't in juvie.' Dee thought sourly, wondering what else he had forgotten.

Though on the other hand, as long as he hadn't pissed Ryo off again too much, it didn't really matter if he had been in juvie. Dee had found he couldn't stand for the shorter man to be cross with him. Dee couldn't imagine ever being apart from Ryo again, even though he had only known the man for a week. Dee was beginning to wonder why he was so comfortable with Ryo, and why he had let Ryo basically do anything he wanted with him. Why he had let Ryo kiss him and touch him so intimately even though he couldn't remember who his husband was. When the realization hit Dee, he was more shocked than anything.

"Good God, I think I love him," Dee whispered to himself.

**qpqpqpqp**

When Ryo walked into Principal Shaffer's office, the graying man couldn't help but to notice the absence of the other man's partner.

"Dee won't be joining us?" Principal Shaffer asked offering Ryo a cup of coffee as the sandy haired man took a seat.

"No, he isn't feeling well this morning and decided to sit this one out." Ryo gratefully took a sip of his coffee. With the rush this morning he had only managed to have half a cup.

"That is too bad to hear. I hope he is feeling better soon." Principal Shaffer shuffled through a large pile of papers on his desk before passing a sheet to Ryo.

"Here is the tentative schedule for career's day. It has been scheduled for June 8th, I hope you and Dee are still available," Principal Shaffer finished.

"That should be fine as long as nothing at work comes up. Unfortunately, our schedule can change with very little notice. Also, I am not sure if Dee will be up for that by next month, so I think it might just be me."

"Is he that unwell, Randy?" Principal Shaffer questioned sounding concerned.

Ryo now understood why Dee didn't want to come in. "He is actually recovering from an accident at work last week."

"Good gracious, what happened?" Ryo liked Principal Shaffer quite a bit, but the man was notoriously noisy and always liked to know what was going on with his student's parents. Ryo thought it would be better just to tell the older man what was going on before it was dragged out of him slowly and painfully.

Ryo relayed selected parts of the story before waiting for the other man's response.

"Retrograde amnesia," Principal Shaffer repeated. "Isn't incredibly rare to be diagnosed with complete retrograde amnesia?"

"That is what the specialist told me but Dee seems to live in the slight to no chance possibility category," Ryo responded, still amazed at the kind of luck Dee possessed.

"Well I do hope things improve for you. And I look forward to seeing both of you next month – that is, if Dee can make it," Principal Shaffer said, getting up and offering his hand to Ryo.

Ryo shook the offered hand firmly; glad to finally be getting out of Principal Shaffer's office.

"If anything changes, I will be sure to call you," Ryo said as he began to exit, anxious to get to the car before anyone else caught him.

Ryo pushed a tired hand through his hair as he came up to the car. From what he could tell, Dee seemed to be off in his own world and didn't notice Ryo until he opened the car door.

"Have I ever been in juvie?" Dee asked abruptly as Ryo sat down.

'_Where the hell did that come from?' _Ryo thought before answering.

"Not that I know of. Do you remember being in juvie?" Ryo asked, giving Dee an odd look. His partner could be really loopy at times.

"No, it just occurred to me that with my upbringing I would have been a prime candidate for something like that," Dee continued lamely.

"Any other great realizations hit you while sitting in the car?" Ryo chuckled at Dee before starting the car.

"No," Dee said quickly before turning slightly red in the cheeks.

Ryo left Dee alone for the rest of the ride to the station, waiting to grill his lover until they got home.

Ten o'clock saw the two men walking into the station. "Dee, can you put on your ID tag please? You can keep your badge in your jacket, but the station is a required ID zone." Ryo said as he clipped his tags to the waist of his pants.

Dee pulled his tags out as well and gave them a dirty look. "God, was I hung over when they took this picture?"

"Not sure, love. That picture is pretty old; you have had it since I've been working here," Ryo responded, heading towards the elevator; Dee's phobia be damned, he wasn't walking up four flights of stairs today.

"And how long has that been?" Dee gave the picture one last nasty look before clipping them on.

"Just over four years," Ryo replied getting into the elevator, hoping Dee was right behind him.

For once Dee caught a break and didn't seem to care that he was in an elevator. Some days he was fine in them, some days he turned an ashen color while riding them, and some days Ryo noticed he all out avoided them. It was a very particular thing that Ryo had always wondered about.

Ryo took Dee down to break room, finding Drake and JJ having a cup of coffee.

"Working hard as always, I see," Ryo said dryly.

"Aw, come on man, we just had a huge arrest last week, and there is tons of paperwork to get in order for the trial!" Drake countered.

"Whatever you say. I am going to talk with Rose, and I am sure you won't mind entertaining Dee for a few while I am gone." Ryo gave Dee a kiss on the cheek before heading off, not even waiting for Drake or JJ to answer.

"Dude, that was cold," Drake whined before pulling out a chair for Dee. "He can be so frosty sometimes."

"I hadn't noticed," Dee said rather perplexed at Drake's comment.

"That is just because he likes you, even though you have no work ethic," Drake mumbled the last part under his breath.

"Don't say such mean things about Dee-sempai." JJ smacked his lover upside the head for insulting one of his favorite people.

Dee just watched the exchange with amusement; it was obvious they two cared each other because they were acting exactly like Carol and Bikky had a few days ago.

Dee spent a few more minutes with the two men before Ryo came to collect him, laden down with a fresh batch of paperwork. Dee was just about to get up when he saw another man come into the break room and set a heavy hand down on his husband's shoulder and began speaking to him.

Dee was glad he was sitting down as a new set of memories flash across his vision with that man kissing his husband in varying settings, mainly with Ryo pushed up against a wall or a door.

Dee saw red and went to confront the jerk. No one kissed Ryo like that but him.

"Would you kindly take your hand off of my husband?" Dee said icily, surprising Rose and Ryo out of their conversation. All Ryo could think with Dee's interruption was, _'not good, this is not good.' _

"Detective McLean, I think you have misinterpreted the situation," Rose stated calmly, wondering what had crawled up Dee's ass this week. He couldn't fathom why the man was already being pissy with him when Dee didn't even remember who he was.

"Oh, I don't think so. I may not remember who Ryo is but I do know he is my husband and I love him. And no one can kiss him like that but ME!" Dee shouted just before giving Rose a heavy right hook along his jaw.

Rose staggered back a few steps with everyone in the break room starting with wide eyes. Dee had never liked how the commissioner conducted himself around Ryo, but never actually had the nerve to knock him around.

Ryo rushed over to Dee, who was looking rather pissed and might still go for another shot at Rose. Ryo grabbed ahold of Dee and pulled him as far away from Rose as he could manage. The sandy haired man was grateful to see Drake helping Rose to sit down and pulling an ice pack from the fridge.

"Dee, you have to calm down," Ryo said in a soothing tone as he pushed his partner down on the staff couch.

"But he --" Dee started before Ryo cut him off.

"That was a long time ago. Now just sit here and don't move. I'm going to make sure you still have a job." Ryo grazed his knuckles down Dee's check before heading over to the other side of the room.

"Drake, can you go sit with Dee while I talk with Commissioner Rose? I really don't need a repeat showing." Ryo didn't sit down with Rose until Drake was on the couch with Dee trying to engage his angry lover in some form of conversation. Dee just ignored Drake and continued to give Rose a hostile glare.

Rose wasn't looking much better with a sour expression to match Dee's and a large bruise already forming beyond the ice pack. Ryo dreaded to see what kind of damage was actually under the compress.

"If your partner actually knew what he was doing, he would be out of a job by now," Rose slurred slightly with the increasing numbness around his jaw.

"I know, Sir. I can't believe he actually had the nerve to do that. He honestly hasn't been the same brash man you know since he came home. I would have expected something like this from Dee before the accident, not after."

"Well, he may be bolder than you think. Just tell him what's going on so he won't do something this stupid again. Oh, and Ryo, I don't want to see either of your faces here for at least four weeks. If you had wanted more time off you could have just asked." Rose gave Ryo a smirk holding his impulse to touch the other man again; he defiantly didn't need a matching mark on his cheek.

Since Diana had become a permanent fixture in his life, his lust for Ryo had diminished into a friendly, comradely relationship, and he had actually managed to form a decent working relationship with Dee. Their personalities still clashed a lot of the time, but they had both formed some respect for the other.

"Yes, Sir. I guess that means we won't be having you and Diana over for dinner this month?" Ryo said trying to make light of the situation.

"Maybe next month when I regain the use of my jaw," Rose replied dryly, removing the ice pack to survey the damage done. His whole jaw and mid check had turned an angry purple with a great deal of swelling.

'_Damn, that man can hit hard,'_ Rose thought as he gently fingered his check.

Drake whistled from across the room when he saw the damage. "Wow, dude, I never new you had the kind of force behind you, good on ya man."

"Not good on him Drake!" Ryo growled crossly. "Do not encourage him about something like that!"

"Detective Parker, Adams I think it's time you got back to work, don't you? As I recall, you have a fifteen-minute break in the morning, not sixty." Rose gave both the men a glare.

"Hint notably taken, Sir. Come, partner, the fine citizens of New York need our protection," Drake said quickly, pulling JJ out of the room.

"Should we be taking that hint as well, Sir?" Ryo asked in a softer tone.

"Frankly, I don't care, I am going home and alternating compresses. Just get him straightened out and call me when he is ready for an evaluation," Rose finished, looking directly at Dee before leaving the break room.

Ryo walked across the room and sank down into the couch beside Dee. "Do I still have a job?" Dee asked.

"Surprisingly you do, Rose must have been a really good mood before you slugged him."

"I'm really sorry, Ryo. I didn't mean to punch him. He just made me so angry." Dee gripped the arm of the couch and began to squeeze it. Ryo could Dee was getting riled up again, and it was probably best just to go home.

"I know, love. I can just imagine what you remembered about him. Come on, lets go home, we can talk some more there." Neither man made a motion close to those needed to get up. Dee leaned against Ryo with a sigh, longing to be home.

"We're not moving." Ryo said breaking the silence in the room.

"I know. I thought we could maybe hang around a little longer so I might get the chance to defend your honor once again." Dee snickered lightly.

"That is not even funny," Ryo said trying to hide a smile behind his hand. Ryo levered himself up finally getting the energy required to move. "Need a hand?"

"Only if you have the strength to pull me all the way up," Dee replied sticking out a hand.

"I may be shorter than you, but I kick your ass in hand to hand," Ryo said as he pulled Dee up from the couch with a quick tug. Dee stumbled to his feet before getting his bearings.

"Damn, you're strong."

"I try." Ryo put his hand in Dee's and led them both out of the building and towards the parking lot.

**qpqpqpqp**

"Here, be careful, it's hot." Ryo passed Dee a mug of tea and sat down beside his partner, taking a long drink from his mug.

"Thanks."

"Now, do you want to tell me what has been going on the last couple of day?" Ryo asked softly.

"Bits and pieces of things that don't make sense," Dee said quietly starting out the balcony doors.

"Like what?" It disturbed Ryo to see Dee like this, so quite and contained.

"When JJ jumped on me, its more like feeling I remembered. I felt trapped, like I was on the verge of a panic attack. I was so angry that I couldn't make myself leave from whatever was trapping me. The weird thing was that I think I could have left from whatever it was, but I wanted to stay, needed to stay even though it felt wrong…" Dee trailed off, not knowing if any of what he said was understandable.

"What else?" Ryo prompted. Maybe if Ryo knew a few more of pieces he could put the puzzle together for Dee. Ryo wasn't even sure if everything Dee was going to tell he was from one memory or many different ones. He and Dee were both playing detective at this point.

"When we were ah…" Dee's cheeks took a slight red hue. "Ah necking, just as you pressed me into the wall I remembered someone pushing me into the wall and pinning my wrists up. I didn't like it, but who ever was holding me was extremely strong. The grip on my wrists was tight." Dee began rubbing his left wrist as if the ache was still there.

"I grew up on the street, you think I would have been able to defend myself from something like that. Things like that happen to weaker people, things like that always happened to Aaron."

"You remember who Aaron is?" Ryo asked cautiously, wondering how much Dee had remembered about his old friend.

"I don't know how I knew that." Dee sounded rather disturbed about what he had just said.

"What do you remember about him?" Ryo shifted his position on the couch so he could see his partner's face.

"I think we were friends when I lived in the orphanage. He didn't live there though, but I can't really remember where. I don't think I've talked to him for a very long time," Dee finished leaning back into the couch.

"No, you haven't," Ryo said softly.

"Ryo, can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Why do I remember Commissioner Rose kissing you, not only once but at least five or six times? Dee asked timidly not sure he wanted to know the answer.

"I'm sure you remember how I told you JJ used to be infatuated with you. Well, Rose was the same way. His favorite thing to do was to try and land a kiss when I wasn't expecting it. He eventually stopped."

"So you were never with him?"

"God, no!" Ryo snorted at the thought of ever being with Rose. "Just you, you're the one I love."

"I…" Dee trailed off.

"Love me? I know, you reminded the whole break room of that fact this morning." Ryo smiled softly at Dee before leaning over and giving his partner a chaste kiss.

"Now, is that everything you wanted to tell me?" Ryo continued, trying to get back on track; he didn't want to lose his chance when Dee was being usually open.

"That's all I really remember. Like I said before, nothing whole, nothing that makes any sense. Unless it means something to you."

"Not right now, but just keep telling me things like this and it might eventually clue me in to what you're remembering."

"Whatever you want, Ryo." Dee blew out a tired breath resting his head against the back of the couch.

"What's that matter, baby?" Ryo asked gently sensing the slight shift in his lover's emotions.

"I'm so tired of this. Of not remembering who I am and having to live off of bread crumbs. God, I need a cigarette." Dee was stressed, and the only thing that calmed him down quickly was a puff.

"I know it's hard, but we are going to work through this as a team. The past has nothing to look forward to, right? Even if you never remembered who you were, I still would have loved you, and what else matters? Take it as a blessing that you are starting to remember things; it could be a lot worse. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you don't smoke anymore," Ryo finished in a lighter tone.

"What?" Dee moaned, he had been really hoping for a smoke. "For how long?"

"Oh, for a year now, it was a wedding present." Ryo couldn't help but chuckle at his husband's expression, it wasn't everyday you got to tell you partner he was an ex-smoker.

"Did I at least get something worthwhile in exchange?"

Ryo smiled with his eyes going a little glassy. "Oh, I think so," Ryo said huskily.

"What?" Dee obviously wasn't picking up on Ryo subtle hints. And everyone said that he was dense – ha!

"Do you really want to know?" Now Ryo was just trying to poke at Dee a little, the man was far too easy sometimes.

"Yes, just tell me!"

"Okay." Ryo leaned over and whispered something into Dee's ear. The younger man's face took on a red hue as Ryo pulled away.

It took Dee a minute to vocalize a response. "Can I get a repeat showing?" Dee asked with wide eyes.

"Maybe later, and don't even ask, you cannot have a cigarette."

"Not even one?" Dee stuck out his lower lip. Even if Dee didn't remember it he always stuck out his lower lip, which he thought made him look adorable; when he wanted something he wasn't allowed.

"No, not even one," Ryo said firmly. "But I might offer some cuddle time and a movie if you behave."

"Do I get popcorn?"

"I guess that could be arranged, but it is going to cost you," Ryo said coyly. Before Ryo could tell Dee what he wanted, he found Dee giving him a clumsy kiss.

'_This must have been what it was like for the first person Dee kissed,'_ Ryo thought as Dee nibbled on his lip, beginning to get the hang of things. A few minutes later they broke for air with Dee panting slightly.

"And all I was going to ask you to do was help with supper," Ryo breathed.

"Does that mean I don't have to chop carrots again?"

"Not on your life." Dee pouted again and Ryo couldn't help but pull him in for another kiss.

This was how things were suppose to be…

**qpqpqpqp**

Done and doner! I thought I would give the guys a nice ending since the next chapter isn't going to be so nice to them. Aren't you excited? I am!

And remember to feed the review monster he is getting awfully hungry. **GRRRRRR **Ahh poor baby!


	7. Chapter 7 Lemon Tart

I am back! I am scared I am too! 3 very quick notes and I will be silent.

1. Thanks to everyone that has reviewed and supported this ever growing story (It really wasn't suppose to be this long I swear).

2. For the full lemony tart version please proceed to mediaminer or if you are already there enjoy!

3. Happy belated holidays. Hope Santa was super nice to everyone.

Chapter 7 – Lemon Tart

Dee could feel hot hands working their way all over his body in a delicious rhythm, and he couldn't get enough. The pure heat of the things they were doing to him was intoxicating, and he couldn't wait for more.

He knew what was to come, and it fired his urges even more, causing him to whimper with desire and need. Dee had never felt so alive and so loved; only one person could make him feel like this. Only Ryo could tease him so badly, drivinge him to distraction and make making him beg for more but want still wanting those maddening touches to continue.

Things suddenly shifted, and Ryo wasn't teasing him anymore, but pounding into him at a dizzying pace that was making the burn spread and causing his toes to curl and his body to writhe. It was erotic;, it was fierce, and it was pure bliss when Dee finally let the burn consume him.

Dee shot up with a start, breathing heavily, painfully aroused and sticky with sweat.

"What the hell was that?" Dee whispered quietly into the darkness.

**qpqpqpqp**

"Okay Dee, if you just want to lie down, I'll get those stitches out for you,"' Dr. Jefferson told Dee gently. Dr. Jefferson was not a petite woman like the doctor that had attended to him at the hospital. Dr. Jefferson - , or rather, Adria, as she insisted he call her, - was as tall as Ryo, with curly cinnamon hair. Her features were sharp, and she would almost seem unkind, except that from the moment Dee had met her, she had been all smiles.

Dee lied lay down, happy to comply just to finally get those stitches out finally. They had been itchy and irritated for the whole seven days that they had been in so far.

"Okay, you are going to feel a slight tug, then I take each suture out. Just try not to move," Dee heard Adria say. Dee jumped slightly when cool antiseptic was lightly rubbed over the smattering of stitches. The slight tug Dee had been promised ended up being a painful pinch, and Dee couldn't help but make a sound.

Ryo gave Adria a worried look when Dee made another noise as the second suture came out.

"I'm guessing the little tug turned out to be more like a pinch," Adria asked stated, giving Dee a moment.

"It bloody hurt," Dee said, sourly lifting a hand up to rub the area.

"Don't touch." Adria gave Dee's hand a light slap before continuing. "You're lucky your pretty head wasn't shaved and stapled closed and not just sutured."

"But I thought he just had a mild concussion," Ryo said from his chair, which was beside the examining table.

"Don't let the name fool you; a mild concussion is a second level concussion. He hit his head pretty damn hard." Adria went back to removing the sutures as she continued explaining. "And the only reason it wasn't diagnosed as a server more severe concussion was because Dee was slightly responsive when paramedics arrived. Count yourself lucky - you got away with sutures and no permanent damage."

Dee winced one last time and as the final suture was finally removed. Adria quickly wiped down the pink skin with antiseptic again before putting on adhesive strips.

"Well, that's got all 14 of them. The adhesive strips have to stay on for 2- or 3 days, and try not to disturb the area. And I mean it this time, because you still have sub dermal sutures holding you together, and if those tear, you are going to come crawling back as a bloody mess," Adria said firmly, giving them both a hard look.

"Of course we'll be careful," Ryo said, coloring slightly in the cheeks. The last time Dee had stitches, they had gotten a little rowdy, and Dee had torn the wound slightly, having to get a few of them redone.

"I also wanted to ask how the medication was treating you, Dee." Dee blanched slightly at the questions as he sat up.

"Not well, I take it. Has it been mostly nausea or vomiting as well?" Adria asked grabbing Dee's chart to make a few notes.

"Vomiting," Ryo offered, getting up and sitting down beside Dee.

Adria nodded and wrote a quick note. "When was the last time you were sick Dee?"

"Last night," Dee replied wishing he could just stop taking the stuff. But he was firmly told at the hospital that he could not stop his prescription, and had it had to be finished.

"Well, the dosages will begin to get smaller starting today, so I am hoping that will make enough of a difference, and you will start to feel better." Adria asked Dee a few more questions associated with a head trauma follow up.

"Things seem to be going well, so I don't think I will need to see you again unless you come across any problems," Adria finished walking the men to the door.

"Thanks Adria - , if everything goes well, we'll see you in a couple of months for our yearly," Ryo said, giving the womaen a warm smile.

"Let's just hope it isn't sooner than that." Both of them chuckled, and Ryo and Dee left Adria to her next patient.

"Do you feel like grabbing some lunch," Ryo asked his partner as they stepped out into the warming May air.

"That would be nice - it seems like hours since we had breakfast."

"That is because all you had was a cup of coffee for breakfast." Dee grinned sheepishly;, he hadn't really felt like having something solid this morning because of his medication, but he didn't want to worry Ryo again with a little bit of nausea.

"I'll let you get away with it this time." Dee just rolled his eyes at the comment.

"Yes, mother," the dark haired man replied.

"My, my, someone is getting cheeky," Ryo said teasingly, unlocking the car.

"I was born this way, you can't blame it on me." Dee got into his side of the car, grinning.,

"Oh, and how do you figure that?" Ryo asked, snorting lightly.

"Well, I don't remember learning how to be cheeky, so it must be ingrained into my genetics; therefore I can't help it," Dee finished rather smugly.

"You know, if I didn't know you at all, I would have actually believed you. Nice try though. Now where do you feel like going for lunch?"

Dee quirked an eyebrow at the questions, not really remembering anything about the city, let alone places to eat.

"Let me rephrase that," Ryo said noticing Dee's facial expression. "What kind of food are you in the mood for?"

"Whatever you want, just no more Chinese for a long time," Dee replied, thinking about his last Chinese food experience.

"That I think we can do." Ryo leaned over and gave Dee a peck on the temple before starting the car and headed towards and Italian place they both enjoyed.

**qpqpqpqp**

"Ryo," Dee called from the bedroom, struggling with his tie.

"What is it, Love," Ryo asked, popping his head back into the bedroom, already dressed.

"I can't remember how to tie this stupid thing." Dee gestured towards the offending green strip that hung listlessly around his neck. The ebony haired man began to get frustrated with the cloth after three unsuccessful attempts.

Ryo positioned himself behind Dee and went slowly through the steps to tying a simple knot. Ryo pulled the tie tight and straightened it from the front before stepping back to admire his handsome husband.

"There, that should hold you over until you remember how to do it yourself." Dee gave Ryo a sad smile before heading over to the bed to put his shoes on.

"Come on, Dee it will come back eventually. Look at how much you have remembered, and it has only been a week," Ryo said gently, sitting down beside Dee.

"I know, I just miss the little things, you know. Like what's your favorite color?"

"And ruin the surprise?" Ryo said mischievously trying to lighten the mood.

"Ryo, don't tease me, I'm trying to be serious." Dee sighed and run a hand through his messy locks, trying to rein in his frustration.

"I know, I just don't like to see you unhappy. Need a hug?" Dee gave Ryo a slight nod and leaded his head against Ryo's shoulder. Ryo pulled him close, offering some much needed comfort before letting go. Ryo was starting to feel that he and Dee were getting close to the emotional place that they were before the accident, and it warmed his heart even when Dee was feeling so down trodden.

"Now, if we don't show up with huge smiles and a larger pile of gifts the birthday girl (1) is going to kill us both." Ryo helped Dee finish getting dressed and sent him off to the bathroom to fix his hair.

Ryo made his way back to the living room and found Bikky in the same position he had left him in, playing video games and sitting on the floor in his suit.

"What did Dee need?" Bikky asked, not even turning his head from the TV.

"He couldn't remember how to tie his tie." Ryo checked the clock before sitting down, noticing that they had another 15 minutes before leaving to get Carol.

"Shitty deal, at least his tie won't look so sloppy with you doing it." Ryo chuckled, because even though Dee knew how to knot his tie, it was usually crooked or had the skinny part ending up longer than the fat. Ryo ended up having to straighten it every time; it was a rather endearing quality in Ryo's eyes.

Dee finally came out of the bathroom, looking good enough to eat.

"Well, someone cleans up very nice," Ryo purred, getting up and putting his arms around Dee's neck pulling him close. Dee looked down at this partner and smiled.

"Not bad yourself," Dee replied feeling a bit bold.

"Ewww, you guys are so mushy sometimes, it's traumatizing!" Dee blushed slightly and tried to pull away from Ryo, fearing he had really made the kid uncomfortable, but Ryo's grip remained firm and Dee couldn't move an inch.

"Dee, relax he was just kidding." Ryo turn his head slightly giving Bikky a 'say something nice or you're grounded' look.

"Yeah, I was just messing with you man. But we better go and get Cal, you know how she hates waiting."

"Whipped," Dee whispered softly so only Ryo could hear him. Ryo laughed quietly, glad that some of Dee's personality was coming through more and more.

"Now that's my catty husband," Ryo whispered back just as quietly as before, looking up at Dee and giving him a firm kiss.

"Guys," Bikky yelled from the hall, already wearing his coat and holding his gift for Carol.

"I guess that is our cue queue to get moving." Ryo let go of Dee and went to collect their gifts for Carol from the bedroom.

15 minutes later, the said saw the trio was pulling up to Carol's house, with Bikky jumping out of the car to go get the birthday girl.

"Ryo, what did we get Carol," Dee asked, looking down at the neatly wrapped boxes on his lap.

"The right one is a gift certificate for Bloomingdales;, I think there is a new dress that she wants from there, but I wouldn't dream of buying it with out her. Could you imagine if we bought the wrong size and it was too big? I don't think we would ever hear the end of it."

"Women are scary," Dee added looking towards Carol's house.

"Agreed, and in the second box I actually don't have a clue. You wouldn't tell anyone what you got her, you just gave me the box to wrap saying my corners are crisper than yours." Dee looked at the box creasing his forehead slightly.

"I hope it's alright. I don't even have the slightest feeling I have seen this box before."

"I'm sure she will love whatever it is. Look, here they finally come." Bikky and Cal came out the house holding hands, with Carol smiling brightly. It never ceased to amaze Ryo how fast the time had flown since Carol had tried to pocket his wallet at the station. Carol had grown up a lot over the last four years and had turned in to a beautiful young women woman, ready to face the challenges of colleage that were coming in the fall.

"Happy birthday, Sweetheart!" Ryo said warmly as Bikky and Carol climbed into the back seat of the car.

"Thanks, Ryo." !" Carol leaned around Ryo's seat and gave him a light kiss on the cheek before turning to Dee waiting for a birthday greeting.

"Happy birthday, Princess." Dee gave Carol a soft smile and quickly found himself being squeezed to death by the birthday girl.

"You remembered!" Carol squealed happily, while Dee gave Ryo a bewildered look, not exactly sure what was going on.

"Cal, sweetie. let him breathe. 'k?" Carol let go, but it didn't stop her from giving Dee a kiss on the cheek as well before smiling brightly as she got back into her seat.

"I don't get it, what did I say?" Dee asked tiredly. Dee was becoming sick of trying to figure out what the hell was going on when someone mentioned something he didn't remember. It was even worse when he mentioned something that he had apparently remembered but hadn't even realized he had remembered something or understood the context that it belonged in.

"Princess is a nickname the that you useuse you for Cal sometimes." Ryo reached over and kneaded his partner's stiff shoulder for a moment. He knew that Dee was not in a great mood this evening, and he was going to do his best to keep Dee happy so Carol would have a good birthday. Heavens knows the poor girl had had a tough life over the last few years, and she deserved all the happy moments she could get.

Dee gave him an appreciative sigh before settling into his seat. For Carol's birthday, Ryo had made reservations at Aureole on the upper east side of Manhattan. Even if the plates were slightly pricey, Ryo found himself spoiling Carol more than necessary lately. With Cal going to university in the fall, Ryo knew she would be hit hard financially. Even with some of the scholarships she had won, Cal most likely still wouldn't be able to afford tuition to her first choice university,; NYU.

Dinner was relaxing for everyone, with Carol obviously enjoying the experience of dinning in a nicer restaurant than she usually did with her boyfriend. It gave Ryo a warm feeling to be able to do this for his family because he knew all of them but himself rarely went out to places like this. When his parents were still alive, they had often gone out together to places like Aureole or the Met for a charity dinner and an art show.

When dessert was done, it was finally time for Carol to open her gifts. Bikky had got her a ring similar to the one he had been unable to afford the year before, which caused Cal to give him a soft knowing smile and a firm kiss. Carol squealed like a little girl in a candy shop when she opened her gift certificate for Bloomingdales. It was hard for everyone not to notice the dreamy look Carol got when she began to think about dress she was going to buy.

Cal finally attacked the last box from Dee and gave the dark haired man an odd look when she pulled out a crisp off- white envelope with her name scrawled across the front. Cal carefully split open the edge and pulled out a matching piece of paper. The first time she read over the paper her eyes got wide and she looked ready to faint. Cal read it over one more time before turning to Dee.

"H-how… did you d-do this," Cal asked shakily before beginning to cry.

"What the hell did you do you jerk," Bikky snarled before grabbing his girlfriend's hand a squeezing reassuringly. Dee looked slightly panicked at the heat in Bikky's words and he wished he knew that what he had gotten Carol more than anything.

"Bikky, calm down, I'm sure it's nothing bad. Here, Sweetie, let me see it." Cal passed the letter to Ryo with a shaky hand, still not believing what she had read. Ryo pulled out his reading glasses and began to read the letter. Ryo's face took on the same look Cal's had just before she began to cry.

"My god, Dee, I wish you remembered how the hell you did this," Ryo said with amazement.

"What is it?" Bikky was getting impatient and wanted to what the hell was going and why his girlfriend was still crying.

"Dee has gotten Carol a private sponsor for her complete post-secondary education. This scholarship is huge; she can go to NYU if she wants." When Ryo said it out loud it finally sunk in for Carol and she jumped out of her seat and gave Dee a bone-crushing hug.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Carol chanted over and over, her eyes still leaking slightly.

"You're welcome," Dee said hesitantly returning the young woman's hug. When Carol had finally calmed down it was time to leave with the party, parting ways at the door. Bikky was going to take Carol to a movie, leaving Dee and Ryo to a quiet and empty apartment for the rest of the evening.

"You did an amazing thing for Carol tonight," Ryo said tenderly as the pair climbed the stairs to their apartment, holding hands, with Dee initiating the contact this time. Dee was coming around, and Ryo was enjoying the added touches Dee had begun giving him.

"From what I can tell, she really deserves it, but I still wonder how I was able to get her a scholarship that big." Ryo unlocked the front door, and the two detectives shed their coats and kicked off their shoes before heading for the living room.

"I guess you can always go play detective," Ryo said, couldn't help but snickering at his comment; he could just imagine Dee getting into the real detective garb and sneaking around.

"Has, your humor always been this mediocre?" Dee asked, fiddling with his tie to trying try and to loosen the tight knot.

"I beg your pardon, it isn't that bad." Dee gave him a strange look and motioned for him to come closer. Ryo was a little perplexed as to what Dee was up to, but Dee decided to humor his partner and moved closer.

"Look!"

"What?" Dee pointed up and Ryo looked up before he caught onto what Dee was doing he found Dee diving down for a kiss. Dee broken a way after a few moments and chuckled.

"Dee!"

"Your guard is still nonexistent - , sorry, I just had to check." When Dee had abruptly remembered doing that to Ryo a long time ago, he was struck with the urge to try it out again and see if his partner still had a completely useless guard.

'_Yup, still completely useless, who would have guessed? For a cop, Ryo can be a real airhead sometimes,'_ Dee mused.

"You are such a horn dog."

"Am not!"

"Just go make us some coffee and I might let it go," Ryo said, sitting down on the couch, spreading out so there was no room for Dee.

"I don't remember how," Dee countered; he really wasn't in the mood to make coffee.

"Don't bullshit me, you made coffee this morning. Go!" Ryo ordered firmly cracking a smile.

"Grouch," Dee stuck his tongue out and left for the kitchen. Ryo heard a few bangs, probably the cupboards being closed too hard, before Dee came out a few minutes later with two mugs of coffee.

Dee passed a mug over to Ryo and sat down in the space that e Ryo had made by tucking his feet towards his body.

"What did you put in this?" Ryo asked skeptically, looking at his cup, hoping Dee hadn't put tons of sugar in it like he did to his coffee.

"A small teaspoon of sugar and no cream, like usual." Dee replied, taking a huge swig of his coffee, regretting it a moment later when he felt his tongue begin to burn. "Ouch, shit."

"Burn yourself again?"

"No shit," Dee hissed, fanning his tongue to relieve some of the sting.

"Want me to kiss it better?" Ryo asked setting his mug down leaning towards Dee. When Dee gave Ryo a slight nod Ryo planted a soft open-mouthed kiss over his partner's mouth. They fell backwards into one of the many pillows lining the couch, and Dee gave a soft grunt with impact.

Dee began to respond eagerly and led them into a deeper kiss, slinging an arm around Ryo's waist and pulling him closer. They went on like that for a few minutes, exchanging kisses with more and more passion until Dee popped open the first button of Ryo's dress shirt. This brought Ryo back to himself, and when Dee popped open a second and a third button, Ryo knew things were quickly getting out of control. Ryo pulled away slowly from his position on top of Dee, into a kneeling position between his partner's legs.

"Slow down Koi (2), we don't want to rush things," Ryo said soothingly, rubbing his hands along Dee's arms. Dee just groaned and gave Ryo a perturbed look.

"I thought we had finished playing cat and mouse a long time ago, Ryo," Dee responded with a hint of frustration in his voice, sitting up slightly. After that dream, Dee wanted more of what Ryo had to offer, but there was no way he was going to tell the other man about his erotic dream from the night before.

"What are you talking about?" Ryo wasn't exactly sure what Dee was hinting at, but he had a few guesses and all of them had to do with the two years Dee had chased after him before he could finally admit to himself and Dee that he loved him.

"I don't remember most of it, but I know that I chased after you for a long time. I know what that you didn't want anything to do with me for most of it, but when we finally figured things out, I though that game ended." Dee pulled his arms out of Ryo's grasp and turned his head away.

"Oh, Dee," Ryo breathed sadly. "It wasn't like that." Ryo grabbed Dee's hand and gave it a firm squeeze. He and Dee had never really talked about Ryo's reluctance to start a relationship with another man, but Ryo had thought Dee had understood why. Maybe he hadn't understood as well asnd Ryo believed.

"Then what the hell was it, because when I remember some of that time I feel lonely and rejected." Dee tried to pull his hand out of Ryo's grasp, but Ryo wasn't letting go. Ryo wasn't going to let one of Dee's mood swings get the best of him;, it was his turn to take control, and this time he wasn't going to back down.

"Before I met you, I considered myself straight, and when it came to how I saw my life it was with a wife, 2.5 kids, and even the house with the white picket fence. But the first time you kissed me, everything I thought I wanted wasn't so important. For the longest time, I denied that I wanted anything you had to give and that nothing had changed. I was scared and I had to push you away to protect myself, to protect what I thought was my dream." Ryo took a deep breath, trying to centre center himself before continuing. Even though he and Dee were together, it had always bothered him how he had treated his partner before they got together.

"Every time you kissed me, it was easier to push you away and ignore you than to deal with what I was really feeling and how it could change my life. As long as I wasn't a willing participant, things wouldn't change and I wouldn't have to admit and that I really liked you, that I was falling in love with you. It didn't last long though; when Rose kissed me, I knocked his lights out." Dee snickered lightly;, it seemed the poor Rose was always getting knocked around, not that Dee felt bad for him in the least.

"I couldn't help but wonder why I had punched Rose for kissing me but let you do whatever you pleased, short of having sex. I think that was when I finally admitted that no matter how much I pushed you away or pretended I didn't care, it wasn't going to work anymore, and in the end we would end up together. I still had a lot of things to work out, and I was still too shy for my own good, but things eventually came together." Dee finally turned towards Ryo giving the other man a softer look, tightening his grasp on Ryo's hand.

"Two steps forward and one back right?" Dee smiled and pulled Ryo down beside him, wrapping his free arm around his partner's shoulders.

"One kiss at a time, alright?" Ryo asked, running a hand down Dee's side.

"Okay." Dee turned his head slightly stealing a light kiss. "One," another kiss "two." Before Dee could steal a third Ryo placed his fingers on Dee's lips halting his progress.

"You enjoy being a smart ass, don't you?"

"Indeed I do, and you know you love it!" Dee divided in again but quickly found Ryo's fingers pinching his nose.

"Lemme go," Dee said in a nasally voice, trying to wiggle free of Ryo's grasp.

"Behave and I will. Now what else have you remembered and managed to keep a secret, hmmmm?" Ryo let go of Dee's nose, letting the other man resume breathing.

"You hate broccoli but will never admit it because then Bikky would have a reason not to eat any vegetables." Ryo chuckled in reply, knowing Dee was just being silly now, trying to relieve some of the earlier tension.

"And if he ever finds out, I will make you eat peas until you turn green." Dee blanched at the idea…, god did he hate peas.

"Touché, you win. I am completely beat, you ready for bed," ?" Dee asked, yawning. Traffic had been unusually heavy on their way home, and it was edging close to midnight.

"Time for bed," Ryo concluded, pulling himself up. Ryo could have stayed on the couch all night with Dee, but he didn't need to experience kissing the ground again like a few days ago. He knew Dee was ready for sex even if the dark haired man thought he was. Ryo was not going to rush this and lose Dee because they were both overly horny; it just wasn't worth it.

**qpqpqpq**

The dreams came in full force again for Dee over the next few nights with more and more detail every time. It was driving him absolutely crazy and by the fourth night Dee was ready to rip his hair out.

Dee woke up gasping for breath, finding he was painfully hard again.

"Damn it." Dee looked over at the clock sitting on the night table, to only to groan when he saw it was quarter past twelve. Dee ran a shaky hand through his sleep-ruffled hair, trying to calm his breathing down. At this rate, he was going to be up all night with a raging hard on, and it was becoming more and more difficult just to ignore it and go back to sleep.

Dee felt Ryo shift from his side of the bed and prayed the sandy haired man hadn't woken up with all of the movement from Dee's side. The younger man's hopes were instantly deflated when Ryo sat up and gave him a concerned look.

"Are you alright?" Ryo asked softly, fearing Dee had begun having nightmares.

"I'm fine. I'm going back to sleep, you should, too," Dee said tightly. Dee did not want Ryo to catch him at the point; it would utterly embarrassing, and nothing would probably come of it.

"Stop lying to me!" Ryo spit back. "I thought we had decided to talk these things out. Don't you trust me enough to let me know what is going?" Ryo finished, sounding more hurt than angry.

Dee made a rash decision and knew that if he didn't confess something awfully fast, Ryo was going to be extremely hurt.

"Do you really want to know?" Dee finally said softly, not meeting Ryo's gaze.

"You know I do," Ryo sighed heavily.

"Give me your hand," Dee instructed in a low tone with a slight blush already beginning to tinge his cheeks.

Ryo offered his hand, assuming his partner just need some comfort and was utterly shell shocked when Dee grabbed his wrist and yanked his hand on top of his straining arousal. Dee let go of Ryo's wrist as quickly as he grabbed it and flopped back down on the bed taking comfort that he had been honest with Ryo, even if the other man still decided they needed to take it slow.

"Is this why you have been waking up the last few night?" Ryo asked gently, retrieving his hand from Dee's groin.

"What do you think?" Dee replied sarcastically, his mood was rapidly declining and he just want to go back to sleep.

"What can I do to make this better for you?" Ryo shifted so he was leaning against the headboard and pulled Dee up with him so the younger man's back rested against his chest.

"You know what you can do but you won't."

"It's not that I don't want to, but I am so afraid that if I push you into something you're not ready for, you are going to wakeing up tomorrow morning angry at me and yourself. You are the most important person in my life, I love you, and I will not lose you because we pushed too hard too fast." Ryo began tracing soft patterns along Dee's exposed stomach where he his top had ridden up.

"I didn't realize that was how you felt about it - , I'm sorry, Ryo. At the same time, I still am not going to back down. I'm in love with you, too, and remembering being with you is driving me crazy. At first I couldn't figure out why I felt so comfortable with you hugging me and kissing me, and why every time you came near me I felt my heart pounding like crazy. But when I was sitting in the car waiting for you to come back from speaking with Bikky's principal, it finally hit me that I let you do those things because I love you and would do anything to make you happy," Dee finished, feeling like his emotions were getting away with his rational thinking.

"Is this what you really want?"

"Yes," Dee replied firmly, knowing that if he showed any indecision Ryo would back off immediately.

"I know what it feels to be in love. Now show me what it is to be loved," Dee said huskily. Turning his head back so he could kiss his husband's lips. Ryo nodded in understanding and a desire to make his husband happy.

A few hours later found Ryo dragging his fingers through Dee's damp hair and enjoying the deep connection they had just shared. Dee sighed in contentment at the motion and ran a lazy hand down Ryo forearm, beginning to feel sleep pull at his senses.

"I love you Ryo, goodnight."

"Love you too koi."

The pair shared another tender kiss before finally sliding into a deep and content sleep that wasn't disturbed by dreams.

**qpqpqpqp**

"Do you feel like breakfast, or should I say lunch?" Ryo asked, glancing at the night table clock. He and Dee had spent a lazy morning in bed, waking up late, lounging with each other when they were finally pulled from sleep.

"What are you offering?"

"Eggs, toast and bacon if you are helping, otherwise cold cereal." Ryo rolled over pulling the blankets with him.

"Make it pancakes and you have yourself a helper." Dee replied before retaliating, wrapping his freezing feet around Ryo's exposed ankles.

"Get off of me! You are cold." Ryo shivered before trying to pull his ankles away but Dee just locked his feet.

"And you are warm."

"Fine, you can have pancakes, but let's go have a shower first before we both freeze. Now let me go." Ryo ordered firmly prying his feet away and sitting up to stretch. Ryo slipped on his robe from the door and threw its partner over to the man still lounging in the old, over sized bed. Dee copied Ryo's actions and the couple set off to the bathroom for a hot shower and a bit of afternoon fun.

An hour later, Ryo was flipping pancakes while Dee was setting the table and defrosting some berries he found in the freezer. After finishing setting two places, Dee took up a comfortable position behind Ryo, wrapping his arms around the smaller man's waist and resting his head on a shoulder.

"I could stay like this forever," Dee sighed into Ryo's shoulder, relishing the warm skin-to-skin contact.

"Me too." Ryo flipped the last pancake, leaning back into Dee's arms while the gooey underside cooked. Being together like this and unguarded was what Ryo had been waiting for. As supportive as he had been since the accident, Ryo was glad to finally have the chance to have his husband hold him just like he had done many nights before when he had been making dinner. Ryo finally came back to himself and put the slightly darker pancake on the serving plate.

"Let's eat."

**qpqpqpqp**

"Stupid dust balls," Dee complained to himself as he began to pull out various boxes and folders from under the bed. Ryo had insisted they get some cleaning done, as theyhe hads been ignoring it for the last few weeks. Dee did have to admit it was a bit dusty under the bed - , okay, really dusty, Dee realized when he sneezed again.

Apparently, the bedroom had been on Dee's chore list for sometime, and he had obviously ignored the underside of the bed and the closet for an even longer amount of time. It was a big bed, and there was a lot of stuff;, it took Dee a lot longer than he expected to actually pull everything out. By the time that the dark haired man was done, he was ready to take a break and got distracted by a box of novels he had pulled out. Cleaning had turned into reading, and Dee became totally distracted, not even hearing the phone ring or Ryo answering it in the other room.

"Cleaning, huh?" Dee nearly jumped out of his skin when Ryo was suddenly right in front on him.

"Ummm, got distracted…" Dee said sheepishly scratching the back on his head and shrugging his shoulders characteristically.

Ryo gave him a slightly perturbed look before his face tightened considerably.

"What's the matter?" Dee threw his book back into the box it came from and gave Ryo his full attention.

"The station called;, they need an extra sharp shooter, and they need me to go in for a few hours - is that okay?"

Dee gave Ryo a soft smileall. "Why wouldn't it? I think I can survive for a few hours alone."

"Are you sure?"

"You worry way too much sometimes! Anyways, Bikky will be home in like 2 hours. Unless I fall onto a kitchen knife or something stupid like that, I will be okay. Now go save the world or whatever police officers actually do besides eating donuts and drinking coffee." Dee poked his partner in the stomach and smiled again, trying to reassure Ryo he could be left alone.

"You think all we do it eat donuts and drink coffee?" Ryo asked dubiously.

"Yes, now don't ruin my blissful ignorance. I'll see you in a few hours! Oh, and bring me a donut." Dee gave Ryo a soft kiss and got back to the dust balls when Ryo had left. But of course, not before eyeing his partner up just a tiny bit as he changed into his work clothing.

It took another hour before he began working on the closet. The upper shelf was the part that needed the most attention, with bins and boxes askew and a few lids not snapped on properly. As Dee pulled out a rather large box, it seemed to unsettle a few of the smaller ones as a few moments later they came tumbling off the shelf with their contents spreading out onto the rug.

"Lovely," Dee grumbled as he began to pick up papers, a scarf, an old package of cigarettes (this must have been his secret stash), and a few odds and ends, with Dee finally scooping up the last item, giving it a closer look than everything else he had picked up. It was a compact leather book, no bigger than a holiday card with no markings on the cover or the spine. Dee tossed it onto the bed; his interest caught, and finished packing up the fallen boxes and quickly arranging the last of the things on the shelf.

"Now what do we have here?" Dee cracked open the cover to be met with a rather interesting rendition of a skull and cross bones complete with a snake sticking its head out of an eye socket and the skull giving the finger with the words **KEEP THE HELL OUT! PROPERTY OF DEE LAYTER **written in black sharpie.

"Jeez, wasn't I a little angel." Dee decided even though he didn't remember owning the book, it was still his, and he had every right to paw through the pages. Anyways with a warning like that it just screamed, "Read me, even though I might get the shit beaten out of me!"

The first few pages weren't filled with anything terriblye exciting, just more lewd doodles and the odd food stain here or there. The next 5 or so pages were devoted to a few jokes most of again crude nature and some actually decent quotes cited from books, magazines, and even one from the bible. These were followed by a very strange written portion with nonsense phrases like "I love cheese" and "Goats say baaahh" over and over again. Dee could not figure out what the point of this book really was until he finally came to the first real page of writing that was dated and had a small red check in the far right corner.

_Well, Penguin has finally caught me and put a stop to the abuse of this journal. I got an hour long lecture about how this was suppose to be my emotional outlet so I would stop doing naughty things blah blah blah. I swear, if she talked any longer, her face would turn purple from the effort, and she would finally kneel over and meet the lord._

Dee snickered and continued; this was actually interesting.

_She told me that writing dirty jokes and gibberish did not constitute for a constructive journal entry, and I should focus my talents on something far more productive. I personally find having quick fingers an invaluable talent and not "punkish". And as I'm being monitored for "correct usage," I am gonna write something other than the usual "Tommy smells". Actually, I beat the crap out of Tommy today for stealing my last smoke; that will teach the friggen bastard for trying to lift off of the king. Haven't seen Barry or Aaron for most of the week._

"Why is that name so familiar? to," Dee asked himself quietly before continuing.

_Probably due to the grounding but watching the minister get covered in corn syrup and feathers was worth a few weeks of doing the shopping and jail time. SUCKER! This is a page and I refuse to waste anymore time here. Later._

"Weird." Dee read a few more pages, finding them filled with amusing stories of the day's thefts and conquests. Dee was halfway through an entry about an attempt to hide a stray cat in the attic when he heard Bikky get home from school and calling down the hall, seeing if anyone was home.

Dee marked his page with a scrarp from the night table and headed down the hall to locate his son with his book nestled safely under his arm.

Dee found Bikky in the living room, with the play Playstation already turned on and a Popsicle dangling from his lips.

"Where's Ryo?"

"He got called into work for a few hours. How was school?" Dee sat down onto the couch and moved his journal to his lap, watching Bikky blow a few cars up.

"The usual. Wanna play Grande Theft Auto with me?"

"Rain check? I am actually in the mood for some reading. I found some old books when I was cleaning the bedroom," Dee lied slightly. He wasn't ready to share his little find with anyone right now until he had read the whole journal, and he might share it with Ryo later if anything really interesting turned up.

15 minutes of reading and entry after entry, it was just the same kind of things, Dee was about ready to leave it for later and play some video games when he came across a strange page. The writing was a lot neater than any other of the previous pages and there was no check mark in the corner. The entry even stared in a strange way…

_I will find those bastards that did this to Aaron and kill them! Mark my words I will not let anyone get anyway with this. He was my best friend…_

Dee paused for a moment thinking this entry was more chaotic and random than the rest but it also seemed like a great deal of care was taken even with the small watermarks here and there.

_… I will find the fucking bastards that got to Aaron. I know it has something to do that with candy bar. I won't let Aaron's murder go with out revenge._

Dee's eyes went wide with realization, and it all clicked for the ebony haired man. Images of officers pushing him away and seeing Aaron's bloody body with his eyes still open in a sickening expression made Dee stomach churn in protest. He head throbbed, and he knew he had to get out of the room and have something to drink before he lost it right in front of the kid. Dee quickly got up and ignored Bikky's questions about whether he felt all right and headed for the kitchen.

Dee tossed the journal onto the counter, snagging a glass, not caring if it was clean. He pressed the glass against the front of the dispenser and watched the water trickle into the glass, taking a few deep breathes. Dee drank the whole glass with his hands shaking the whole time before filling it up again and grabbing the journal off the counter. There was more to this than he remembered, and he couldn't just ignore it. It was teetering on the edge of his mind, almost within his reach.

Dee flipped passed the rest of the entry and a few more before he came to another odd entry. The noticeable difference this time was that this time the writing was hurried with strange stains adorning the sides of the pages. Dee blanched as he read the first line; this entry was to the point. The hurried scribbles bluntly explained boldly stating thethat Jess had died in his arms that night.

More images caught the man off guard again;, these were worse than the previous ones because more than just seeing Jess die, he felt the agony that ripped through as the man he had known as his only father died with his blood pooling around his feet. Dee swayed on his feet and dropped his glass with a splitting crash as it hit the floor, breaking into a thousand shards with the journal hitting the counter. His head began to pound again with a feeling of blinding needles being pushed into his temples.

Bikky slid into the kitchen, barely missing the glass, after he had heard the crash from the living room. Dee looked like shit and was clutching his head with his thumb and forefinger tightly.

"Dee, are you okay?" the teen asked warily noticing the broken glass for the first time.

"Fine," was the stiff reply Bikky received, knowing the other man was not fine.

Dee knew if he didn't go lie down soon, he was going to pass out right in front of Bikky. It was too much for him to handle, and he could feel the lightness in his head begin and the tell tale signs of black spots invaded his vision.

"Could you please sweep up the glass for me? I need to lie down." Once Dee received a hesitant nod, he headed off the to the bedroom unsteadily, feeling like every step could be the one to take him down.

Dee shut the door firmly gave way to the pain and exhaustion as he hit the edge of the bed and tumbled onto the mattress. Back in the kitchen, Bikky's only thought was '_Call Ryo now.'_

**qpqpqpqp**

"That wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be," JJ said as he rummaged through his locker, looking for his dress shirt. He and Ryo had just come out of the showers after the four-hour hostage situation, leaving them both feeling tired and gritty.

"Just be glad the guy turned out to be a complete chicken or we would have been there another four hours." Ryo began fiddling with his own lock, giving a sigh of relief when it clicked open on the first try. Ryo had always had problems with his locker at the new precinct and longed for the old rusty one from the early days with the 27th.

"Do you need a ride home?" Ryo asked when he remembered that JJ and Drake had begun to drive in together as he and Dee had for the last few years.

"Yeah, sure, if it's not out of your way. I told Drake just to go home when his shift was over because I had no clue how long we were going to be on stand-by." JJ was half way through knotting his tie when he heard the distinct chirp of a cell phone. he He quickly checked it, his finding that thee battery was thoroughly dead.

"Hey Ryo, is that your phone?" Ryo pulled it out of his locker, noticing there were nine missed calls flashing across the display.

"Mystery solved," Ryo said, flipping open his phone and going through the missed calls finding all nine of them were from home. Ryo gave the phone a sour face, catching JJ's attention.

"Problems?"

"Not yet, but every call is from home, meaning either those two have broken or burnt something. But in their defense at least they decided to call me this time. Last time they broke a lamp rough housing and instead of telling me they tried to glue it back together. It shattered the first time I switched the damn thing on. I guess I better call them back and see if they deserve leftovers or a pizza."

Ryo dialed home and got Bikky sounding rather anxious, just as he had expected. JJ caught Ryo's end of the conversation and it sounded liked someone wasn't feeling well, probably Dee.

"Hey bud what is going on… Not feeling well what do you mean… A journal? No I haven't seen one before… Damn it… Yeah I am leaving right now see you in about 30… Bye." Ryo snapped his phone shut with a sharp action, speeding up his motions so he could get out of the station and home.

"Is Dee not feeling well?" JJ matched his pace to Ryo's feeling an uneasiness settle in the locker room.

"I am not really sure what is going on, from what Bikky told me. Ready to go?" Ryo asked diverting the topic. JJ could tell that if Ryo had wanted him to know exactly what was going on he would have told him. Ryo always reverted back into his shell when something was bothering him, and usually JJ didn't worry because Ryo had Dee to talk to. But with Ryo missing his companion, he really wondered if Ryo was doing okay.

"If you ever need to talk…" JJ left as an open offer.

"Thank you, but right now I think things are best left between Dee and myself."

"I understand. Now let's go home, I have had enough of this place for today."

**qpqpqpqp**

Thirty minutes later, Ryo was back at his apartment and finally at the front door. Bikky greeted him, passing him the journal he had found on the counter and quietly told Ryo that Dee was in their bedroom and had been for the last few hours.

Ryo made his way to the bedroom and found Dee tossing and turning, making small noise of distress between heavy breaths. If Dee had been sleeping peacefully, Ryo would have left him alone, but he could not just stand there watch his husband so clearly distraught.

Ryo made his way to the bed, perching on the edge and setting a hand down on his partner's shoulder. Dee didn't even need Ryo to wake him up, snapping up from his slumber as as he snapped awake as soon as Ryo set a gentle hand on his shoulder, sitting up in a blind panic.

Ryo quickly noticed Dee couldn't catch his breath, and knew if Dee didn't stop hyperventilating he was going to pass out.

"Dee, look at me, love, it is all right, I'm here." Ryo turned Dee's face to so there they were facing each other and began running a soothing hand over his partner's cheek. "Slow deep breaths. Dee? You need to relax, or you are going to pass out. That's it, slow, deep breaths." Ryo took Dee into his arms when his breathing had slowed enough that he wasn't in danger of passing out. Ryo began to rub Dee's neck in small soothing circles.

"Can you tell me what is going on?" Ryo asked softly, noticing the tension return to Dee's shoulders that he had worked so hard to sooth out over the last few minutes.

"Jess and Aaron…"

"You remember?"

"That they are dead, yes," Dee replied bitterly.

"Dee, I…"

"Don't bother," Dee cut Ryo off. "Nothing you say is going to make it any better than the first time. Just stay with me, that is all I need right now." Dee tightened his arms around Ryo, trying to convey what he wanted in more than just words.

"Whatever you want, love. Why don't you get changed into something more comfortable while I give Bikky some money for dinner." Ryo was back in less than 5 minutes, changing into a pair of old sweats and joining Dee under the covers.

After a few minutes of warm touches and caresses Dee finally spoke up. "I love you, Ryo. I don't know what I would do with out you." The darker haired man laid his forehead against his partner's, sighing gently at the contact.

Ryo smiled softly, knowing how difficult for Dee this must be. On one of their many tea sessions, Mother Lane had spoken to Ryo about how hard for it had been for Dee to move past Jess and Aaron's death. He had lost 2 very important people from his life within a few weeks, and Ryo compared it with the death of his parents. It was just another hurdle along the way and they would get over it. All he could do now was to hold onto Dee tighter, hoping that with time this would just be a distant memory, never forgotten but not all consuming.

**qpqpqpqp**

I know Carol's birthday really isn't in May but it made for a cute few pages so clobber me if you feel it was the severe of a misdemeanor.

Koi Koibito lover

Okay and that is a wrap for chapter seven finally appearing on a computer screen near you! Once again I appreciate the support and reviews. They brighten my day and give me that little push I need to keep going even when I am really busy.

**A reminder that the full lemony version can be viewed at mediaminer. org under the same pen name and title or if that doesn't float your boat or you can't find I will email it! **

Happy new semester!


	8. Chapter 8 Full Circle

**Author's note: **Well, here it is: the final installment of Yesterday's Feelings. Firstly, I want to thank everyone that reviewed and stuck with me for over a year.

Thanks to Tohru-tan for being my grammar nazi and sticking with this crazy authoress. I couldn't have produced such a grammatically correct piece of work without you! And thanks to Spitefulmage who always listened to my crazy plot ideas and helped me go in the right direction.

After doing a final edit and posting of this story, I will be starting my next story, but I am still undecided about which idea to go with. Therefore, on my live journal, all of my new ideas will be posted the same time this chapter goes up. Everyone is welcome read them, critique them, and to pick their favorite. The one that gets the most interest will be the idea I will tackle next. Please help me be less indecisive because I love all of these little plot bunnies!

**IMPORTANT This chapter deals with disturbing content. Abuse and forced sexual encounters are mentioned. They are not to be taken lightly and I urge anyone who feels uncomfortable with these topics to not read this chapter. There is also a slightly negative connotation being attached to psychiatrists. I do not actually feel that way about the profession (or the people in the profession, for that matter). The result of the attachment is not in any way meant to devalue the work psychiatrists do; I just let myself write and that is where it ended up. **

If you are still with me, enjoy the last chapter, and as always, any reviews are appreciated and enjoyed!

**Chapter 8 – Full Circle**

Ryo stood outside Time Warner Center, wondering what he was about to get himself into. To live here, you had to be wealthy, something he and Dee would most likely never be on their meager paychecks.

It had taken Ryo days just to get to here, with hours being spent searching for this one man. Ryo gathered his courage and entered the building, hitting the front desk first. It wasn't hard for him to get past the desk attendant without signing in. He took one of the few liberties that had come with his job and flashed his badge and kept walking.

"Forty-third please," Ryo said politely as he got into the elevator. When Ryo had finally gotten Michele's last name from Mother Lane, it wasn't extremely difficult to find the man. The hard part was getting the last name from Mother Lane. She thought it was a bad idea for Ryo to go confront him.

For Ryo, this was his last option. Dee wasn't getting any better over the last few days, and to put it kindly, his husband was a mess. Since he had remembered that Jess and Aaron had been killed, he had begun having nightmares every night. Sometimes they were about Jess and Aaron, but the frequency of ones with Dee yelling Michele's name had increased. Ryo had to find out what had happened before Dee remembered everything because Ryo was so afraid that Dee would have a complete breakdown if he didn't know how to deal with the situation properly. He had to be ready to make Dee talk and try and understand what his dark haired lover was going through.

It scared Ryo to see Dee having seemingly random flashbacks. His poor husband couldn't get peace whether he was awake or sleeping. Worst yet, he hadn't remembered anything new for days. It was like a roadblock for Dee, and if he couldn't get past this, there might be little hope of him remembering anything else.

"Forty-third, sir." Ryo was startled when the elevator attendant spoke up. Ryo said a quick thank you and headed down the hall towards Michele's apartment. Ryo found the right apartment very easily and landed two solid knocks to the door. There was no backing out now.

Ryo heard a fair bit of noise before the door was opened. The man who opened the door looked almost exactly as the one in the picture but with a few more creases around the eyes. Ryo felt dwarfed in Michele's presence; Michele was an extraordinarily tall man. He was someone you would expect to be playing in the NBA, not managing a bank.

"Michele Perron?" Ryo asked in the firm voice he always used for interviews.

"Yes, how can I help you?" Michele replied hesitantly.

"My name is Randy McLean, and I was wondering if I could have a few minutes of your time." Michele gave Ryo a perturbed look before answering. Michele probably thought he was a salesman, with that kind of an introduction.

"I don't know how you got past the front desk, but I really don't have time for any kind of this nonsense. I would suggest you leave before I call security," Michele began to close the door the door just as Ryo spoke up again.

"It's about Dee." Michele's demeanor changed instantly, and Ryo knew he had struck a nerve.

"Come in, please," Michele said tightly, leading Ryo into the living room. "Please have a seat. Would you care for a drink?" Ryo declined the offer for a drink and took a seat on an expensive-looking chocolate leather couch. Ryo gave the apartment a brief look as Michele poured himself a drink and sat across from the sandy haired man.

"I'm not one for beating around the bush - Randy was it? I honestly don't know why you have come here. Whatever you want to know, I have no right telling you if Dee won't. Especially not to one of his casual flings." Michele took a large swig from his glass before setting it down on the coffee table, giving Ryo a hard look.

"I think you and I need to straighten a few things out," Ryo replied crossly. The nerve of Michele was astounding. Ryo had only been there 5 minutes, and he wanted to use of few of his more painful self-defense maneuvers on the taller man.

"Firstly, I am not just one of Dee's casual flings, I'm his husband." Michele's expression didn't change with Ryo's statement; it stayed hard like a finely crafted marble sculpture.

"And secondly, Dee would tell me if he could, but unfortunately, he had an accident at work almost a month ago and can't remember a damn thing."

"I see, and I assume you want me to tell you the whole tragic tale," Michele said with sarcasm bleeding from his words.

"Yes, do you think I would waste my time with you otherwise?" Ryo bit back acidly. He couldn't stand this man, and no amount of pleasant negotiation was going to get him what he wanted, so what was the point of being pleasant at all?

"Now, now, no need to be rude. I honestly must say that I am not particularly fond of telling stories, so I must ask that you leave before I decide to call security." Michele gave Ryo a stiff look.

"You do remember Dee's profession, don't you?" Ryo asked in the least hostile voice he could manage.

"Yes, detective I believe. But what does that matter?"

"Guess what? We share a profession, and I have no qualms about hauling you in for a harassing an officer. And trust me, I can keep you at the station for days without a lawyer, so I suggest just you start talking despite your preferences."

"Well, Randy, it looks like I will have to forfeit this time, but this is in no way because I am frightened by your little threat. It is easier just to do as you ask and get you out of my apartment than deal with your pig-headed bullshit."

"It's so nice when two civilized people can come to an agreement," Ryo settled, letting the insult go. He was getting what he wanted, and that was all that mattered.

"You know, I haven't always been such a bastard," Michele said softly, changing the tone of their conversation.

"Oh really? And let me guess, you were little Mr. Innocent before Dee came along." Ryo wasn't buying Michele's shit. He was in a far from sympathetic mood and just wanted what he came for, not a sob story about Michele's troubles.

"That is not what I am saying at all," Michele bit back. "I have had my own shit to deal with from this as well. We weren't right for each other, and we should have never been together."

Ryo sighed quietly, already feeling his softer side beginning to cave. As he often told a hard-headed Dee, there are always two sides to every story, and right now, he was acting like a love struck jerk, not the objective man he had set out to be during this conversation.

If he was pissed, Ryo knew he wouldn't listen properly and would end up beating the shit out of this guy instead of getting what he needed to help Dee. Michele obviously had problems of his own and hadn't dealt with them well.

"I'm sorry. I came in here ready to prosecute you before even hearing what you had to say. It wasn't right of me, and I guess I was being a bit of an ass. Can we at least be civil to each other until I leave?" Ryo offered in a neutral tone.

"I think that would be acceptable." For the first time, Michele gave Ryo the tiniest hint of a smile. Michele took a moment to get himself another drink before sitting down again and taking a deep breath.

"In the beginning, Dee and I got along so well was because we both had fiery personalities. There was no tenderness, only a raging passion that made for great sex, huge fights and even better make up sex. We butted heads on everything, and for a long time, it was thrilling to be matched with someone that could really push my buttons. Not many people will stand up to me like Dee did, and I loved every moment of it. Outside our apartments we acted like the happy loving couple everyone expected, and inside there were rough touches and intense moments."

Michele took another sip of his drink, swallowing it with a bitter look on his face.

"I was raised in a well-to-do family, and all of the girlfriends I had been set up with were boring and seemed almost lifeless to me. They were all taught to be quite and respectful, nothing like Dee. The freedom I got from him was amazing. What he got from me I could never really tell, maybe the stability. I could always pay the bills. Dee had always fought for survival, and I don't think he ever expected anything different from a lover. He was always fighting, and that's what I loved about him. We thought what we had was love," Michele said, laughing bitterly.

"More like a car crash; something so brutal you can't tear your eyes away from even though you know you shouldn't stare," Michele admitted, sounding worn.

"How long?" Ryo prompted, shifting in his seat to fend of some of the coldness that was creeping into his limbs.

"Three years," Michele continued. "I am surprised that we didn't burn out sooner. Forever wasn't a word to describe our relationship, but no one could tell us otherwise. Things were okay until Dee decided to pursue a detective position with a determination you don't see in many people. It was exasperating and difficult, but I couldn't help but admire his willpower and commitment. Towards the end, he was working more than 80 hours a week, and we were not getting along well. All we would do when he was home was fight, and one of us would always end up at the bar getting trashed just to get away from the other. As the days went on, I got jealous of the time he was spending at work; choosing that place over me made me furious. I lashed out the only way I knew how."

Michele sighed. "One thing you should learn about Dee if you don't already know is he is totally committed to whomever he is with. Dee won't touch anyone if he believes you are in a somewhat dedicated relationship."

"I know," Ryo said softly. "He pursued me for 3 long years and never looked at another person." Ryo felt very uncomfortable sharing that small detail of his relationship with Dee to Michele.

"I did one of the worst things possible to him. I cheated… It wasn't just a one-time fling, either. When he wasn't there or I felt like he was ignoring me, I would find someone willing. At the same time, when we were actually together, things were turning from rough to edging on aggressive. We were constantly bruising each other, but neither could admit it was over. It all finally burned out when Dee caught me with another man on our couch." Michele looked pained and he grabbed for his glass, finding it empty again.

Ryo could tell this wasn't easy for the other man, and got up and refilled Michele's glass silently. It was starting to seem that Dee wasn't the only one caught in the backlash of this relationship.

"That was the breaking point for both of us. We yelled and screamed until the whole floor knew our business, I am sure. And as Dee raged at me, I couldn't help but get turned on." Ryo's eyes widened at the confession, beginning to get an idea of where this was going.

"I grabbed him, but Dee doesn't put up with any bullshit. He threw a punch, and I threw one back. We were both on a one-sided mission. Dee wanted to hurt me for betraying him and I wanted something he didn't want to give. Dee and I beat each other black and blue; he broke my nose and arm, and I must have cracked - if not broken - a few of his ribs. I finally cornered him, and you can tell where things went from there…," Michele confessed, sounding disgusted with himself.

"Oh God." Ryo was overwhelmed. What he had been told was not far off from what he expected to hear, but it still made him cringe to think that Dee had gone through such a malicious relationship for so long.

"After Dee said he never wanted to see my face again, and if he did he would really test how trigger happy he was. I left for a week to cool off and haven't seen him since. What I did was inexcusable, and it has taken a lot of counseling to even begin to stop hating myself," Michele ended quietly.

Michele looked haggard, like a defeated man.

"Have you ever tried to talk to Dee about what happened?" Ryo asked locking eyes with Michele.

"I have tried calling him a few times, but the most I get is curt 'Fuck off.' It's not as though I was expecting any more than that. The most I can do is make sure he is fine financially."

"What do you mean?"

"I make deposits into his savings every month. He never spends it on himself, only on the orphanage, and it just keeps building." Michele got up and pulled a balance book out of the kitchen drawer then tossed it to Ryo.

Ryo flipped through the tiny book surprised at how large the deposits were. He quickly did some math and realized his partner had quite a nest egg accumulating.

"Carol's scholarship," Ryo whispered to himself when he finally put two and two together. This was one of the only possible places Dee could have gotten such a large sum of money for the girl.

"Pardon?"

"My son's girlfriend was recently accepted to NYU, but she couldn't afford the tuition. Dee just gave her a full scholarship from a private sponsor for her birthday. I can't think of anywhere else he would get the money for something like that."

"At least the money is going to good use," Michele said with sadness tinged in his voice.

"It that everything you needed?"

"I think so." Ryo still felt as though there should be more to say, that he should have (at the very least) been angry with this man, but he felt nothing but pity.

"I have seen that look before on my therapist when I first told her," Michele ghosted a hand through his thick hair. "Take some time. I need to get out of here and clear my head, anyways. Just lock the door when you leave." Michele headed to the door and quickly put on his shoes and coat.

"Thank you," Ryo replied, not moving from his seat.

"It's the least I can do." Michele opened the door and suddenly spoke up again before leaving. "Can you do one thing for me?"

"I…" Ryo wasn't sure how to answer. Did Michele really deserve any favors from him?

"Let me guess - it depends?" Michele chuckled softly with his face slowly melting into a serious look. "Make him happy and love him like I couldn't," Michele finished.

"That I can do," Ryo said, giving Michele a firm nod.

"That's all I ask." With a slight click from the door, Michele was gone, leaving Ryo alone with his thoughts.

With his heart heavy, Ryo wasn't sure if he wanted to go home, but he didn't feel right staying in Michele's apartment. It amazed Ryo to no ends that after everything that Dee had been through, he had still been able to open his heart to himself and Bikky. Ryo was beginning to get a clearer picture of Dee's youth and early adulthood, and it really scared him. The gaps were slowly being filled, but with each new piece, Ryo felt more and more that the man he had come to love was something extraordinary.

If Ryo had ever had to go through something similar growing up, he would have ended up as much as a bastard as Michele seemed to be. Ryo knew for certain he would not have been able to open his home or heart to someone else as Dee had. Ryo sent a silent prayer of thanks to his parents for giving him such an unburdened childhood as he got up from the couch and got ready to leave.

It was disturbing to Ryo that Dee had stayed in such a relationship for so long. The man Ryo knew wouldn't put up with anyone's shit and defiantly fought back when someone laid an unwelcome hand on him. Ryo couldn't count the number of times he had to cover Dee's ass for beating up another perp. Ryo couldn't fathom what had possessed Dee to stay with Michele for so long.

'I guess those questions are better left for Dee to answer,' Ryo thought, sighing softly as he clicked the lock, heading out. Ryo had already decided he wasn't going to go home yet, but he had no idea how to pass the rest of the afternoon.

'I might as well get some groceries,' Ryo mused. He had noticed they were running low on a lot of things yesterday, most likely due to him spending so much time at home with Dee.

Ryo spent the rest of the afternoon pushing his way through the thick New York traffic and more time wandering through the aisles at the store, trying to keep his mind off of Dee and his past.

By the time Ryo got home, he didn't feel like cooking anymore, but what was the point of all of that shopping if he just called for take out again?

Ryo found Dee on the couch still drinking coffee and watching the late afternoon talk shows. Ryo put down his bags near the kitchen entrance and went to sit on the couch with his lover for a few minutes.

"You really need to cut down on the coffee, love, or you will be up all night," Ryo said unhappily. The bags under Dee's eyes had progressively gotten darker over the last few days, and all he wanted was for the darker man to get a good, undisturbed night's sleep.

"That being the general idea," Dee replied grumpily, taking another long swig just to emphasize his point.

"You cannot stay up all night."

"Wanna bet? In college I used stay up for days on end." Ryo sighed and slide closer to the dark haired man.

"You're not as young as you used to be," Ryo countered softly.

"God, don't remind me. To me, 28 is bordering on old age."

"29," Ryo corrected.

"Fuck off." Dee rolled his eyes and got up to get more coffee.

"You know you don't have to be an ass! I am just worried about you," Ryo traded back with a sharp edge to his voice following Dee into the kitchen.

"Well, it's no picnic on this side either." Dee gritted his teeth together as he harshly pulled the pot off of the warmer and filled his cup.

"Goddamnit Dee! Give me the bloody cup." With a dark scowl, Ryo grabbed the cup forcefully and dumped the dark liquid down the drain.

"Bastard," Dee hissed, trying for the pot again.

"You wish." Ryo snatched the pot, and the rest of the coffee met the same fate as Dee's cup.

"Are you trying to drive me fucking insane, because I am three-quarters there! No coffee, no cigarettes, and to top it off, I can't even get a full fucking night's sleep." Dee shot Ryo a rigid look before waiting for an answer.

Ryo was tired, and he just didn't have the energy to fight with his husband anymore. "No Dee, I am not trying to drive you 'insane'," Ryo said, the anger in his voice gone. "I am **worried **about you, and I **care** about you. Just look at how you are behaving. You need to get some sleep, if only for a few hours." Ryo noticed Dee was finally willing to listen when his eyes softened and his posture became less stiff.

"It's too much… It's too much Ryo," The taller man replied softly. "I can't deal with all of this. I am at the end of my rope - literally." Dee rested his hand on the edge of the sink, sagging into worn position. "I'm scared," Dee admitted brokenly.

Ryo knew it was finally time to approach his lover with all of his anger burned off. "It is okay to be scared," Ryo whispered, gently turning Dee so he could hug him.

"I don't want to remember this, it isn't good." Dee melted into Ryo's arms, transferring the weight he had rested on the sink to his partner.

"I know. But you can't keep hiding from it. Whatever it is, it is a part of you, and you need to accept that." Ryo hated pretending he didn't know what was going on. But if Dee wanted to get past his memories about Michele, he had to face them. And to deal with them, he needed to remember it on his own.

"Come on, let's go sit down," Ryo suggested, tenderly pulling out of their embrace and leading Dee to the couch.

Dee allowed himself to be dragged back to the couch where he had been fighting off sleep all day. In between the endless cups of coffee, when the caffeine begun to wear thin, Dee had nodded off, only getting a few minutes of uninterrupted sleep. Sleeping alone was worse than when Ryo was there; at least the older man could wake him up and ward off the dreams.

Dee could tell that Ryo was tired, too, from the way he sagged into the couch instead of maintaining his usually flawless posture. The two lounged on the couch – shoulders pressed close – for a few minutes before Ryo grasped Dee's hand, giving it a firm squeeze.

"Do you think you could try and sleep just for a little while?" Ryo asked softly, breaking the heavy silence.

"Not right now," Dee answered softly.

"Dee, I know this is the last thing you would ever want me to suggest, but do you think talking to a therapist might help? Dr. Linden gave me a few referrals before you left the hospital, just in case." Ryo knew it was a long shot asking Dee to go and talk to a professional, but at least his husband now knew there was someone else to talk to if he desired it.

"No," was the tight reply, not that Ryo had expected anything different. Dee had never appreciated strangers asking questions that were too personal. He couldn't imagine the darker haired man ever being able to open up with a complete stranger to help him deal with his problems. For Dee, it was about trust, and for strangers, he had none.

"If you change your mind, just tell me and we can arrange something."

"I'll keep it in mind." Ryo left the therapist suggestion at that. That was Dee's polite way of saying there wasn't a chance in hell he would be talking to a therapist. Dee wouldn't be pushed into something he didn't want to do, and Ryo understood that shoving too hard would only take away another person Dee trusted enough to talk to.

"Do you want me to make you something while I put away the groceries?" Ryo asked quickly, changing the topic to more neutral ground.

"Coffee?" was the hopeful answer.

"Did we not just a fight over the coffee? Let me rephrase that. Would you like something that does not contain any form of stimulant, including, but not exclusive to, caffeine?"

"When you put it that way, no thanks." Dee rearranged his pillows on the couch and snagged the remote off of the floor as Ryo got up.

"You know, you could get off the couch and help." Ryo suggested, throwing a look of exasperation at the other man.

Dee just rolled his eyes in return. "Oh, Dee." Dee settled further into the couch, looking worn out and on the verge of falling asleep. Maybe it was better to leave Dee here, and with any luck, by the time Ryo came back, his partner would be catching up on the sleep he so desperately needed.

Just as Ryo had guessed, Dee was dead to the world when he came back from the kitchen. Ryo was glad he had made himself a mug of tea, because the only way to make sure Dee slept decently was to stay with him.

Ryo turned off the TV and sat down on the edge of the couch. Ryo placed a warm hand along Dee's brow, running it along his partner's cheek when he didn't stir. When Ryo was sure that Dee was in a deep sleep, he gently lifted Dee's head and swapped the pillow for his lap. Dee shifted slightly at the change in the firmness but quickly found a new position on his side with his cheek resting on Ryo's thigh.

Ryo took the opportunity to run his fingers through Dee's thick locks, enjoying the feeling of clean, smooth hair. It was rare for Ryo to get such a chance, because during the week, Dee usually put way too much gel or mousse in his hair to control the messy strands. Ryo could still run his hands through Dee's hair when it was styled, but the feel just wasn't the same. It always left a slightly waxy residue on his hands, which Ryo loathed. When Ryo finally got his fill of Dee's hair, he snagged a novel and his reading glasses off of the side table to pass the time.

Ryo hadn't gotten far in his book when Dee began to shift weakly. It wasn't enough to warrant waking the younger man up, but Ryo tried to sooth his restless sleep.

"Shhh, baby, relax," Ryo said softly, stroking his partner's cheek in a slow and steady motion. Dee settled down a little with the reassuring touch. Ryo thought he was in the clear until Dee began vocalizing his dream.

"No… no don't, DON'T!" was the desperate plea that poured from Dee's lips. Dee flinched violently as if he had been hit. "Don't touch me!" Ryo knew now was probably the time to move away from his lover. He would wake Dee up, but let the other man initiate the first contact. Ryo had learned very early in his career that invading someone's personal space when they didn't want to be touched was a one-way ticket to a black eye.

"Dee, wake up, you're safe," Ryo said firmly, moving away and tucking the pillow back under Dee's head. Ryo crouched beside the sofa and tried calling to his partner a few more times before setting a light hand on Dee's shoulder.

Ryo realized it wasn't the smartest move as Dee shot up and grasped his arm in a tight grip that was going to bruise.

"I said don't fucking touch me," Dee snarled still dazed and half dreaming.

"Dee, wake up." The grip on Ryo's wrist only became tighter. "Dee, it's Ryo, let go of my wrist, you are hurting me!" The hold remained steady and Ryo was running out of options. Dee was strong, and if he kept tightening his grip, Ryo had no doubt Dee could crack a few bones in his wrist.

The only thing Ryo could think of that might jolt his husband out of his nightmares was the shock factor. Ryo didn't want to touch Dee any more, but he wasn't sure what could help him get through to Dee until he spied his left over tea sitting on the side table; anything was better than having a broken wrist. Ryo quickly snatched the mug and splashed the cool tea in Dee's face.

It was crude, but it worked as Dee shuddered slightly and snapped out of the nightmares he was trapped in, instantly letting go of Ryo's wrist.

"Ryo?" Dee asked uncertainly. Ryo quickly grabbed the blanket off the couch and wiped off the sticky tea from Dee's face the best he could.

"Right here." Ryo offered his left hand to Dee, trying to hide the other bruised arm along his side. Getting Dee worked up further over something that wasn't his fault was only going to make things more difficult than they already were becoming.

Dee took the offered hand weakly, looking more burned out than before he fell asleep.

"I let him hurt me," Dee started brokenly.

"Who?" Ryo prompted.

"Michele! You know who I am talking about…" Dee replied with a snort.

"You're right," was the only answer Ryo could offer. "Why did you let him hit you?" Ryo wasn't sure exactly what Dee had remembered; forcing it just didn't seem right.

"It was more than just that," Dee said with a disgusted look on his face. Ryo was not sure if Dee was angry with Michele for what he did or with what his lover had done to Michele.

"I know," Ryo responded softly, knowing he couldn't pretend any longer.

"How!" Dee gave Ryo a sharp look, knowing Penguin only knew what he had told her himself.

"I went to see him…"

"When?" Dee snarled.

"This morning."

"It was none of your business!"

"It becomes my business when you wake up terrified, screaming for me not to touch you! It becomes my business when you can't sleep because you are afraid of your own dreams! It becomes my business when you start hurting yourself and me." Ryo released Dee's hand and turned his palm over, showing Dee the bloody crescents he had left on his own palm.

"What do you mean hurting you?" Dee asked softly, fingering the deep welts on his palm. Ryo held out his right wrist showing Dee the dark bruises that were beginning to form.

"Don't you dare think this was your fault for a second," Ryo said firmly, catching the look in Dee's eyes. "You didn't do this on purpose, but it has got to stop. I went to see Michele so I could help you through this, so you won't be afraid to go to sleep anymore. I just want you to be happy again; is that asking too much?"

"I am sorry Ryo… I can't believe I did this to you. I love you," Dee said desperately, gently stroking the bruised skin.

"I know." Ryo changed his tone and moved back onto the couch, taking his husband into his arms.

"You were never supposed to know," Dee replied softly, still fighting to keep a strong front.

"Why?"

"I let him do that to me. I never said no, I just let him do what he wanted, and I don't even know why! I hurt him, too; I hurt someone that I was supposed to love, to take care of." A few stray tears finally leaked down Dee's face.

"You had no other choice," Ryo replied sympathetically.

"Damn it, Ryo, everyone has a choice. I let him take that away from me. I fucking chose to hit him back just as hard. I can't believe you can still even look at me."

Ryo turned Dee's head so their eyes met. "I know you, Dee, and you would never do that to me. You had no other options. What the hell were you supposed to do, take it like a man?" Dee tried to turn his head away, giving Ryo the answer he never wanted to hear.

"You were fighting to protect yourself!" Ryo said loudly, trying to keep himself under control.

"Only on the last night; before that, it was different."

"Stop trying to protect him! Neither of you were in the right, but that doesn't mean you have to cover his ass at your expense. It's tearing you apart; isn't that more than enough punishment that you don't deserve?"

"I…" Dee bit his lip, trying to keep everything in check. Ryo could tell that Dee was waging a war within himself, and his husband needed time to process what he had remembered. What Dee needed was to relax, to give himself time. When Dee was ready, he would think about it and subtlety let Ryo know he was ready to talk again.

"Just think about what I said, okay?"

"Alright," Dee offered, gently pulling his head out of Ryo's grasp and laying down against the sandy-haired man's chest. Ryo grazed his hand down Dee's cheek, noticing that it was still rather sticky.

"You're all sticky."

"You put too much sugar in your tea," Dee sighed into Ryo's chest, beginning to relax.

Ryo smiled when he thought about how Dee drank his coffee; all sugar and milk. When Ryo really thought about it, he realized, in retrospect, that he and Dee were the exact opposites when it came to their preference for coffee and tea. Ryo loved his coffee black whereas Dee loved milk and sugar. Dee appreciated his tea plain and Ryo loved to add just a little milk and enough sugar to send him into a hyperglycemic coma. They complimented each other perfectly.

"You need a shower."

"Too lazy."

"Dee, you feel gross! If not for me, for your personal hygiene," Ryo sighed in annoyance. He wasn't sure if Dee was just trying to be difficult or amusing.

"Fun killer," was the reply Ryo got.

"You know, you can have fun while in the shower," Ryo said while trying to push the other man up.

"Oh really? I guess you'll just have to show me." Dee got that mischievous look in his eyes that gave Ryo shivers. Ryo knew only wicked thoughts were running through his husband's head right now.

"Pervert."

"It's only perverted to someone who doesn't want it. And I know you want it," Dee whispered into Ryo ear, making him shudder. Dee pressed a chaste kiss to Ryo's lips before sauntering off to the bathroom, leaving Ryo all alone on the couch.

Now that was and invitation he couldn't pass up on.

**qpqpqpqp**

A few hours later, the two men were still lying in bed wrapped in each other's arms. The leisurely paced shower had been long and relaxing. Dee took the time to become reacquainted with Ryo's body, much to his delight.

After a soothing rubdown, they moved to the bedroom, with Dee taking the lead this time. Ryo could tell Dee was being deliberately slow and gentle, as if he was trying to prove to his partner that he wouldn't hurt the smaller man. Ryo knew Dee thought he was proving himself to the sandy-haired man, but deep down it was more for Dee to prove to himself that he wasn't capable of hurting another person he loved.

He knew Dee still had a lot of things to work through, but there were no more lurking shadows. Maybe Dee could finally begin to remember the good things in his life and get back that perpetual grin his lover always sported. For the first time in four weeks, Ryo felt truly content, with his husband finally on the mend.

"What are you thinking about?" Dee finally asked after not being able to take Ryo's glazed look anymore.

"You," Ryo replied as he shifted so he could look at Dee's face.

"Good, bad, or naughty?" Dee inquired tracing a finger along the grooves on Ryo's abdomen. Ryo knew now wasn't the time to bring up what Dee had remembered earlier from the tone of his husband's voice. Now was an occasion to be playful and to have a good time with each other.

"About how you have been acting more like yourself lately, you horn dog!"

"Exactly. I am a horny man by nature. How I could have gone without any action for so long amazes me to this very second." Dee titled Ryo's head up and dove down for a steamy kiss.

"Can I ever be serious around you?" Ryo said after Dee finally let him up for air.

"Yeah, but right now I am too horny to be serious. I would suggest trying again when I am tired out." Dee nibbled Ryo's lip before beginning to nip at Ryo's neck delicately.

"I thought you were all tired out," Ryo reminded Dee, exposing more of his neck to Dee's mouth.

"When you have been this deprived and there is such a fine man next to you, you don't stay sleepy for long."

"Oh really?"

"Really," Dee said with a classic smirk and a fire behind his eyes Ryo hadn't seen for a long time.

"Do you think it might help your recovery?" Ryo gasped as Dee took a sharp nip at his collarbone.

"Definitely," was the firm reply Ryo got just before Dee captured his mouth.

**qpqpqpqp**

"Dee," Ryo said softly later that evening.

"Is it time to be serious?" Dee asked, turning his body so he could see Ryo's face.

"Only if you want." Ryo dropped a kiss to the dark haired man's temple.

"I don't want to, but it's best." Dee sighed and placed his hand in Ryo's.

"Have you thought about what I said?"

"Yeah." Ryo knew Dee wasn't going to jump right into it, but he had hoped for more than a one-syllable reply. Ryo desperately want Dee to say more, but as he had learned time and time again, Dee did things on his own schedule. Ryo respected that and did not disturb the silence.

"You know how you suggested counseling before?" Dee finally said after a long wait. Ryo just nodded and squeezed Dee's exposed shoulder in reply.

"I've been before to a psychiatrist, right after Michele and I broke up." Ryo was surprised; he never would have guessed that Dee had chosen to go to a professional. "I didn't remember before, but I sure as hell do now. Penguin called me twice a day until I finally agreed to go. The woman I saw ended up being a bitch. I don't think she knew how to deal with a gay man that had been in an abusive relationship. She didn't listen; she just acted as if Michele was the only one to blame. She couldn't deal with the fact that I was just as much in the wrong as Michele was. I know I didn't deserve that shit, but I just wanted her to say Michele didn't either and that it was okay to feel shitty about it. She kept pushing Michele as the 'man' and me as the 'woman' crap and I felt like Michele didn't deserve all of that blame, so I had to take it. I wish I had never gone to see her."

"There are good psychiatrists and counselors out there," Ryo said carefully. "After my parents died, I don't think I could have gotten through it without one. Things have changed, and professionals have learned how to help all types of people."

"I know, and I am not saying that they are all bad, but I just can't trust them anymore. You're the first person to say that it wasn't all Michele's fault. I know Penguin would have said it, too, but I couldn't have burdened her with that. For once I feel like I don't have to shoulder all of it because no one wanted to admit I had a part in it, too."

What Dee said sounded so odd to Ryo, but it made sense. Deep down Dee was still protective of his ex and couldn't stand that all of the blame had been pushed to one side, and Dee being Dee, nothing could be done half way. The only solution to the dark haired man was to take all of the responsibility, but unbeknownst to him, Michele was doing the same. For both men, it was a lose-lose situation.

"Where do we go from here?" Ryo asked tightening his grip around Dee's chest.

Dee let out a troubled breath before answering. "I don't really know. I think… I think I have to go see him," Dee finished, visibly shaken. "Not now, and maybe not for a long time, but eventually."

"Can I ask you one more thing?" Ryo said hesitantly after a few moments of peace.

"Might as well do this all at once, shoot." Dee was tired, but Ryo had a right to have all of his questions answered after dealing with Dee's shit for the last week.

"Why did you stay with him for so long?"

"Honestly, I probably couldn't give you just one answer. We always pretended like things would get better. If we gave it time, things would go back to how they were before I started working all the time. The problem was that they never did, and neither of us could accept that. I don't think Michele or I really understood how bad it was before we both nearly destroyed each other," Dee explained tiredly, holding on Ryo for the strength and support he desperately needed.

"Sometimes a person can be just as addictive as a drug, and Michele and I were hooked to the end." Dee offered Ryo a sad smile, knowing Ryo could probably never understand his reasons - not that he understood them any better himself. At the time, it seemed like the right thing to do, and he and Michele had paid the price for it.

"If you ever need to talk," Ryo left open, getting the feeling Dee had said his fill for the moment.

"I know where to find you," Dee finished, relaxing into Ryo's arms. Maybe when things settled down, he and Ryo could talk again, but for now, all Dee wanted to do was concentrate on the present and leave the past where it belonged.

**qpqpqpqp**

"Dee, phone!" Ryo yelled across the apartment two weeks later. Ryo could almost hear the internal battle going on within his husband from the living room. He was probably weighing the options of whether or not it was worth his while to leave one of the quarterfinals of the FIFA World Cup games and answer the phone, or to choose not move and catch the end. It was apparent that Dee had picked the latter, leaving Ryo to add his own opinions to the mix.

"Dee, it's mother!" he called again, this time hearing Dee groan and finally get up.

"You know, she couldn't have waited 10 minutes before calling," the other man murmured softly before taking the phone.

"Somehow, I doubt Mother Lane knows the FIFA schedule. Now, be a good son and talk to her. You can always download the end of the game later," Ryo added as he went back to the stove.

"Hello," Dee said, masking his disappointment.

"You know, I could hear you in the background," the older woman on the other end said dryly.

"You know Brazil was just about to destroy Ghana."

"And what was the score?"

"3-0," Dee replied feeling a little silly. Of course Brazil was going to win, but he loved the last few seconds of a game when the losing team played their hearts out just to get one goal.

"Surprise, Brazil won! Now, let a mother check up on her son without any more soccer talk."

"Yes Penguin," Dee said with a touch of exasperation in his voice.

"What have I told you about calling me that!" Mother Lane's good hearted nagging quickly changed to surprise when she had realized this was the first time Dee had used this nickname since the accident.

"This is wonderful! When did you remember?" She continued happily.

"I don't know, it just popped out." Dee caught Ryo's gaze from across the kitchen and shrugged.

"Well, never call me that again, you brat! It's Mother to you." Dee just groaned in response. He loved this woman dearly, but sometimes, she could drive him crazy.

"Now, tell me how you doing."

"A lot better, really," Dee replied honestly. Over the last few days he had definitely noticed a change in his memory. Memories were coming more easily to him, and a lot of them were like remembering something you hadn't thought about in a long time, not something you had forgotten. Dee didn't feel like he was grasping at nothing anymore. All he had to do was reach out and it was there.

"Do you think you can go back to work soon?"

"Yeah, maybe another week or so. I can remember most of good old academy days. Not a lot of college, for some reason," Dee replied grinning as he heard Ryo snicker.

"I can only imagine why not," Mother returned sarcastically.

"Anyway, all I have to do is pass the evaluation, and I can start back whenever. I might go down to the range later this week and brush up if Ryo decides to give my gun back," Dee said loudly, emphasizing the last few words and staring at Ryo.

"I told you, when you can remember the combination to the safe, she's all yours," Ryo replied just as loudly, interrupting the phone conversation.

"Well, I guess you have a few more days off, then. You should come have coffee," Mother Lane suggested.

"That would be nice. Having time off is great up to a point, but I am starting to go mad in this little apartment." Dee had definitely been feeling cooped up for the last few days, and he longed to get back to work, even if that meant paperwork. Anything was better than old reruns and soap operas.

"Tomorrow, then?" Dee heard a few bangs on the other end of the line and wondered what the kids had gotten into.

"Sure, I'll come by in the afternoon."

"Bring some… James, don't let Lady out of her kennel!" Mother Lane screeched half way through her sentence.

"I told you, you should have gotten them a rabbit instead of a dog," Dee laughed, hearing more bangs from the kids and barks from the dog.

"Too late now. I love you Dee."

"Love you too, Penguin. See you tomorrow." Just as Dee placed the phone back in the cradle he could just hear the horn from the living room signaling the end of the game.

"It figures," the darker haired man sighed, heading over to Ryo and leaning against the counter.

"You want to help me unload the dishwasher?" Ryo asked turning down the heat on the stovetop and placing a lid on the saucepan so it could simmer.

"Do I have a choice?"

"Glasses or cutlery?"

Dee sighed and passed the cutlery basket over to Ryo; he would pick the glasses any day. Dee started to put away the mugs, noticing some of the colorful expression that many of the mugs sported.

"Do you remember whatever happened to my Santa mug?" Dee asked thoughtfully putting away his leftie cup.

"You mean that awful one that I wouldn't let you use at work?"

"Yeah."

"Bikky broke it years ago, before we were even dating. I think he threw it at your head and missed."

"Oh, when you were still being uptight?" Dee knew he was probably going to be smacked for that one, but sometimes it was just too much fun to poke at Ryo.

"For the last time, I was not/am not uptight!" Ryo said pretending to sounded offended. Instead of a catty reply back, Ryo was answered with a crash as Dee dropped the mug he was holding.

A strange look crossed Dee's and Ryo's worry began all over again. Ryo rushed over to Dee and placed a hand on his partner's arm.

"Dee? Are you alright?" The strange look that had adorned Dee's face quickly melted into a small warm smile.

"Ryo," Dee whispered softly placing his palm against Ryo's cheek.

"Randy 'I guess you can call me Ryo' McLean," Dee said louder this time.

"What?"

"I remember who you are! I recognize you. You are my husband, my best friend, the person I love most in the world!" Dee's small smile grew into a huge grin. "And I can't believe I forgot who you were for even a second," Dee finished, crushing Ryo in a tight embrace.

"You remember who I am?" Ryo asked hesitantly, gripping onto Dee just as tightly.

"YES!" Dee nearly shouted and then tipped Ryo's head up and gave him an earth-shattering kiss. When Dee thought his lungs were going give out, he finally released Ryo's mouth giving them both a chance to breathe.

"What brought this on?" Ryo asked once he had caught his breath.

"You saying you weren't uptight. I made me think about some other time you had said that and then I just knew who you were. Who would have thought you being uptight would help me remember you!" Dee laughed, resting his forehead against Ryo's.

"I missed you," Ryo said, his tone turning sober. "I thought you were never going to remember me." Ryo closed his eyes tightly, pushing back the tears that had been lingering for weeks.

"I could never forget your forever," Dee said tenderly into Ryo's ear. "I love you too much." Dee ran his fingers through Ryo's hair in a reassuring gesture.

"I love you too." Ryo felt a few stray tear glide down his cheek before he felt Dee brush off the last few tears from around his eyes. "Promise to never leave me again?"

"I'm a final sale."

"Cheeky to the bitter end," Ryo said laughing and sniffling at the same time.

"Shall we celebrate?" Dee asked dropping a few kisses down Ryo's face.

"To you remembering me and destroying another perverted mug, definitely!"

"Hey, I liked that mug!" Dee swatted at Ryo's arm playfully. "Come get your coat, we are going for supper."

"But I already started…" Dee cut Ryo off with a deep kiss, taking the chance to explore his partner's mouth.

"Put it in the fridge." Ryo loved and hated when Dee kissed him like that. It made him weak in the knees and willing to do almost anything Dee wanted. A combination of those kisses and a lot of begging was how Dee got that huge TV in the living room.

"Fine," Ryo sighed letting Dee have his way again. Ryo quickly turned off the stove and stashed the sauce in the fridge while Dee grabbed their spring jackets from the closet.

"Where to, Sexy?" Dee asked, taking Ryo in his arms again when they had met at the front entrance.

"Anywhere you want," Ryo said giving Dee a huge grin.

"Ryo," Dee asked for the second time in less than an hour.

"Yeah?" Dee wrapped his arms tighter around Ryo's shoulder and stroked his arms.

"Thanks for waiting."

"For what?" Ryo returned in a gentle tone.

"For me. I know it must not have been easy for you. I'm sorry I took so long…" Dee trailed off, hoping Ryo had understood what he had been trying to say.

"Baka."

"Huh?"

"I would have waited for you forever." Dee's eyes misted over as he leaned his head against Ryo's.

"Forever?" Dee whispered in Ryo's ear holding onto his partner more firmly.

"Forever."

Owari


End file.
